Am I Sick?!

Okay, so I know everyone’s panties are in a wad because of these aspiring reality show stars crashing the state dinner, but I think it’s a) hilarious, according to my sick side and b) sort of a good thing, according to my practical one.  (These two overlap somewhere masochistic and fun, like piercing your own ears.)  Allow me to elaborate:

So first of all, I suppose it’s necessary that I mention to you that I don’t follow politics.  I actively do not participate, which, if you ask me, is better than passively participating, which seems to me what everyone else appears to do.  I was raised by a libertarian father and a politically apathetic mother, so I was educated in the school of All Politics Is Bullshit, and the older I get, the more I believe it, genuinely.  Now, at the ripe old age of twenty-five, I see all politics (and sometimes life as a whole, though not nearly on such a depressing, nihilistic level, thanks to therapy) as this kind of cannibalistic meta-theater performance.  Congressmen get together and chatter chatter chatter and nothing happens.  Everyone gets dressed to the nines and bows to the Japanese president and we (the audience) cheer our approval or hiss our disapproval regardless of any real consequence, simply because we need to release our own emotions on to the symbolic vehicles, aka politicians.  And this charade continues forever and ever, and those who want to follow the laws, will do so, and those who don’t, won’t, and this is a system to which we’re all ascribing unless we simply choose not to.  AKA turn off CNN and opt to finger paint instead.

How appropriate, then, that two reality show wannabes crashed the state dinner…aren’t they really just calling attention to the farce upon which the system is based?  It’s a wonder a camera crew doesn’t follow around members of the Obama administration already, take them inside closets for “confessionals.”

“I gotta tell you guys, Malia is really acting out these days…plus with all the flack I’m getting for health care stuff, man, I’m stressed.  Spark it up.”

And again, sorry to get all pacifist on everyone’s ass, but it seems to me that the biggest statement of trust a political figure/body could make would be to lessen security?  Gandhi went to live in the areas in northern India where the violence between the Hindus and Muslims were the worst because he knew his power as a symbol.  I fail to see how American politicians expect us to let them into our homes when they can’t let us into theirs?

Then again, I’m not afraid of death, especially by assassination.  Fastest way to iconic status.  Obama’s misgivings and faults (human, understandable…there was absolutely NO WAY he could have lived up to the expectations we all had from him, even if he had succeeded in turning deficit into surplus with a wave of his hand and a prayer) would be immediately erased if he were to perish in a fusillade of bullets.  If you really want to unite a nation, tragedy is the way to do it.

Enough of the nauseating theory shit, though…let’s talk about practicality.  CNN (which I catch bits of every once in a while, as my boss is addicted) had a number of INCENSED broadcasters and political officials on, freaking out about how a) these people could have been TERRORISTS and b) now we’re talking about the Salahis, for God’s sake, instead of IMPORTANT things like ABORTION and AFGHANISTAN.  Well to that I say:

1. They are kind of terrorists…what’s more terrifying than a reality TV star?  Have any of you fucks SEEN Breaking Bonaduce?

2. They did everyone a favor, really, if we are concerned about the president’s safety.  Now we know security is too lax, and no one had to suffer as a result.  In fact, I think this ought to be a pretty regular procedure, on airplanes, at state dinners, UN meetings.  Send in someone with a vial of air, a crude drawing of a grenade to keep the security peeps on their toes.  It’s an exercise of sorts.

3. With regard to b), then stop talking about it.

To conclude, crashing parties=always awesome.  It’s just math.  Some weird seventeen year old boys crashed my twenty-fifth birthday party and spent a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror flexing until my friend told them we were exercising “face control” (look it up) and they had to leave.  But I treasure their memory.  It wouldn’t have been the same without them.

The answer to the titular question is obviously yes.


Make-up!  I need touch-ups!

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