Texting with Conspiracy Theorists (and Friends)!

January 22, 2024

As always, this has been edited for length, clarity, and to make both parties funnier/smarter/cooler than they otherwise would have seemed

EP: Did you read the Elizabeth Weil article today about the into the wild type woman [ed note: the article, here, is about a woman who becomes drawn into conspiracies and died trying to live off the grid with her teenage son and her sister]

When I was reading the conspiracy theories they were into I was like đź‘€haha yes only a total crackpot would believe that

ID: OMG yes and so funny because about a month ago I texted AC and was like, I read a few small random articles about this story and someone should do a deep dive here

Lo and behold!

Let it be known that I have great ideas and shit follow through. It counts for something!

EP: YES

Hahahahha

ID: And the text that breaks off is me highlighting a sentence about big Pharma being evil and being like, OK but fair point loony tune

EP: Or the part about how she told people not to take any medication because the government is trying to control us

ID: I MEAN, kinda?!

EP: That is so funny, that’s exactly the text that I was like, ok but she is right?

ID: I do not want to die in a tent off a hiking trail but also I was like, hard relate to this off-the-grid yearning lady

It can be hard if you have a touch of the nut in you, as we both do, to resist the temptation to go full nut

Like it’s just SO CLOSE AND TEMPTING

I kind of hate Bill Gates and sometimes I’m like, just believe it, just believe he’s putting microchips in people

EP: Haha

ID: I mean you already don’t like the guy

Just go the extra mile!
EP: It’s hard as a Jew because you know the natural endpoint of the conspiracy theories are “and the Jews did it”
And yet it is so tempting to follow the thread all the way

ID: Yeah that prevent me from joining the communities

EP: Yes hahahaha exactly

ID: Also a lot of conspiracists are basically stupid

Even if they have some smart ideas

Like you can’t have an intellectual conversation about literature with them

So that’s a bummer

Like at the end of the day, you just want to chill and have a glass of wine and discuss the latest prestige TV

I don’t know that they’ll have good opinions on it

EP: That is such a funny and accurate criticism of conspiracy theorists

ID: Like what do QAnoners do for fun? When they want to kick back and chill? I need some off-time, personally

EP: That is a great question

Fancy Mennonite

January 5, 2024

I had to email an academic asking for a very specific piece of information on early Anabaptist attitudes towards agriculture, and he told me to look up Conrad Grebel, one of the founders of the Swiss Brethren movement and “urban Anabaptist.” Two Wikipedia pages later, I’m still not exactly sure what Grebel has to do with early Anabaptist attitudes towards agriculture, but wow is this a great outfit or what? Not Plain at all, though!

Things Gerald Murnane Doesn’t Do

December 20, 2023

I only heard of Gerald Murnane recently for the first time, by reading a long New York Times Magazine profile of him. I don’t know how I ended up there, as it was written in 2018, but I’m really quite glad I did: to be frank his literature doesn’t sound very interesting to me, but he’s a top shelf eccentric and everyone knows how picky I am about eccentrics. Only the best for me! Anyway, Murnane is sort of a hermit, so he mostly just sits around the town where he lives in remote Australia, tending bar and organizing his files and playing golf. But what Gerald Murnane does do isn’t nearly as interesting as what Gerald Murnane doesn’t do:

“I become confused, or even distressed, whenever I find myself among streets or roads that are not arranged in a rectangular grid. … I have watched few films during my lifetime and hardly any in recent years. … I cannot recall having gone voluntarily into any art gallery or museum or building said to be of historic interest. I have never worn sunglasses. I have never learned to swim. I have never voluntarily immersed myself in any sea or stream. … I have never touched any button or switch or working part of any computer or fax machine or mobile telephone. I have never learned to operate any sort of camera. … In 1979 I taught myself to type using the index finger of my right hand alone. Since then, I have composed all my fiction and other writing using the finger just mentioned and one or another of my three manual typewriters.”

What he doesn’t mention, but the profile writer does, is that Murnane has also never flown on an airplane and has “barely” traveled outside the province of Victoria in Australia. My hero!

Mark Twain

November 5, 2023

The end of Mark Twain’s 1898 Harper’s Magazine article “Concerning the Jews.”

“To conclude. – If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star-dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of; but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world’s list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.

He has made a marvellous fight in this world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished.

The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?”

Job Idioms

September 20, 2023

A list of idioms, phrases or words in the Book of Job of uncertain meaning. (Some of these I’ve put into context––you’ll know they’re the uncertain ones because they are bolded.)

The Adversary answered the LORD

Skin for skin—all that a man has he will give up for his life.

May what blackens the day terrify it.

But the teeth of the king of beasts are broken.

And casts reproach on His angels,

May the hungry devour his harvest,
Carrying it off in baskets;
May the thirsty swallow their wealth

You will come to the grave in ripe old age,

That is why I spoke recklessly.

Does mallow juice have any flavor?

As I writhed in unsparing pains:
That I did not suppress my words against the Holy One.

A friend owes loyalty to one who fails,
Though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty;

They are dark with ice;
Snow obscures them;

How trenchant honest words are;
But what sort of reproof comes from you?

When I lie down, I think,
“When shall I rise?”
Night drags on,

Whose confidence is a thread of gossamer,
Whose trust is a spider’s web.

His roots are twined around a heap,
They take hold of a house of stones.

Who made the Bear and Orion,
Pleiades, and the chambers of the south wind;

It is something to be proud of to hunt me like a lion,

That You put my feet in the stocks
And watch all my ways,
Hemming in my footsteps?

Who can produce a clean thing out of an unclean one? No one!-

How your heart has carried you away,
How your eyes have failed you,

Troubles terrify him, anxiety overpowers him,
Like a king expecting a siege.

He will not be rich;
His wealth will not endure;
His produce shall not bend to the earth

He will never get away from the darkness;
Flames will sear his shoots;
He will pass away by the breath of His mouth.

He shuts off the view of His throne,
Spreading His cloud over it.

I persist in my righteousness and will not yield;
I shall be free of reproach as long as I live.

They open up a shaft far from where men live,
[In places] forgotten by wayfarers,
Destitute of men, far removed.

Of what use to me is the strength of their hands?
All their vigor is gone.

Driven out from society,
They are cried at like a thief.

They come as through a wide breach;
They roll in like raging billows.

With great effort I change clothing;
The neck of my tunic fits my waist.

Surely He would not strike at a ruin
If, in calamity, one cried out to Him.

But since now it does not seem so,
He vents his anger;
He does not realize that it may be long drawn out.

Will your limitless wealth avail you,
All your powerful efforts?

Its noise tells of Him.
The kindling of anger against iniquity.

He keeps turning events by His stratagems,
That they might accomplish all that He commands them
Throughout the inhabited earth,

Why your clothes become hot
When the land is becalmed by the south wind?

Shall one who should be disciplined complain against Shaddai?
He who arraigns God must respond.

Shall traders traffic in him?
Will he be divided up among merchants?

I will not be silent concerning him
Or the praise of his martial exploits.

Clubs are regarded as stubble;
He scoffs at the quivering javelin.

Solomon Silverfish

September 10, 2023

So friends! Remember this? The early DFW story about a man who pretends to be Jewish, called “Solomon Silverfish”? Well, I found a copy of the literary magazine it was published in (Sonora Review, issue 55, in which it is re-printed as a tribute) on Ebay and bought it for a cool $10 so I could read! And the verdict is…

… it wasn’t good!

I mean, the truth is, I kind of saw this coming. I am actually a fan of what James Wood called “hysterical realism”: I’m a maximalist and I enjoy things that are fast-paced, so Infinite Jest suited me just fine (as did, for what it’s worth, White Teeth). But I think that in order to pull off hysterical realism, every detail needs to be absolutely not one tenth of a centimeter out of place, or else the rapidity of the tone gets thrown off. And so perhaps I’m at a disadvantage reading this piece as a Jew, because it just became so clear, via the details, that David Foster Wallace knows nothing about Jews.

The basic plot is as follows: Solomon Silverfish, a lawyer of indeterminate specialty (sometimes he represents his brother-in-law, prone to drunk driving, and sometimes some unsavory pimp-types) has long been devoted to his wife, Sophie, who is in the end stages of dying from cancer. He’s called out by said brother-in-law in the middle of the night to fetch him from the drunk tank, but when Solomon goes, his friend is there with another acquaintance and Silverfish’s otherbrother-in-law. The trio tells Silverfish they know he isn’t really Jewish and he’s been lying about it all these years; Silverfish essentially says he never told them one way or another, so it doesn’t really count as lying. Meanwhile, Sophie’s parents visit her at her home and tell her what’s happening; Sophie stands by her husband, but in the midst of her defense, gets violently ill and is rushed to the hospital. The piece ends with a section in the first-person (most of the rest is, like Infinite Jest, sections in rotating close-third) voice of the pimp, who’s describing Solomon’s first attempt to buy weed for Sophie, to alleviate her nausea, and then a questionable vision of Silverfish committing adultery (I think it’s a hallucination but what do I know).

At the risk of sounding like a total philistine, I really have no idea what the… point of this story was, overall? There were nods, I think, to the all-consuming power of romance and partnership––Solomon and Sophie’s devotion to one another is total and, at times, sweet––and to the great equalizing indignities of dying, but there seemed to be some kind of Bigger Meaning that was just completely lost on me. I say “seems to be,” because a non-Jew pretending to be a Jew––and maybe I’m biased here but it’s what I think––is an idea very pregnant with symbolism, and it was just completely unclear what it was symbolic of. Literally the only thing I can come up with is that Solomon feigned Jewishness because he was so instantly enamored of Sophie that he decided on the spot to live a lie, and the fact that they remained the Platonic image of love means that Solomon’s choice was the right one in the face of his small-minded identity-obsessed compadres. Translation: love conquers all, love is love, whatever. But this seems way too saccharine and quotidian for a guy who characterized his first novel as “a conversation between Wittgenstein and Derrida,” and who generally is not a sentimentalist nor one whose work betrays any interest whatsoever in community norms and politics.

The other trouble here for me was again, the details. The characters were completely unbelievable Jews. And I recognize that I’m shooting myself in the foot here, because one hallmark of hysterical realism is that the characters are all kind of meant to be figures/symbols/composites of tics/quirks/antics and not really, well, real. And this largely did work for me in IJ, because I did feel that for the most part, there was some heart and authenticity there (it varied though: I felt it more in the halfway house than the tennis academy). Perhaps this is because DFW knows what it feels like to be a tennis phenom, a depressive, an addict, etc.

But he doesn’t have a clue what it means to be a Jew, and it shows. I don’t mean anything as grandiose as carrying galut around in your soul; I mean he literally doesn’t know what words Jews use. For example, when the trio of Silverfish’s familiars are interrogating him about his deception, one of them says something to the effect of, “You sat with us in Temple! You did the mitzvahs! You ate the matzah at our seder! How dare you!” Never mind that this reads like someone looked up “what are Jewish words” and just threw them on the page; the fact that he used the word “Temple” automatically assumes these are Reform Jews, and for Reform Jews, the stance toward intermarriage ranges from “neutral” to “wholly embraced.” There is some nuance there: I don’t know when this story is supposed to take place, so perhaps the kind of light stigma of intermarriage would have been held by Sophie’s family just as a vestige of shtetl mentality, and obviously, the men are also reacting to the deception in addition to just the fact of him being not Jewish, so some of the anger might be more about that. But the truth is I don’t really think that’s why. I think DFW is trying to imply these are Serious Jews by using this kind of vernacular, but doing so without knowledge of what Serious Jews would look like or say––probably not Temple, probably not “annulment” when they talked to Sophie about ending the marriage (they’d like use afka’inhu, the halakhic equivalent, or say that she should force Solomon to give her a gett, or something like that). This is all to leave aside the fact that they speak basically like low level gangsters with the occasional Jewish term thrown in, nor do they do any of the things Serious Jews would do over the course of the story (like, IDK, pray, wrap tefillin, etc.).

I would be really curious to hear another person’s take on this (and no, DFW bros on Reddit being like “This was great as always” doesn’t count as a “take”). I’m sure there is/are practical and/or philosophical reason(s) for specifically using a goy masquerading as a Jew in this story, and I would love to know what they are. There is a chapter in this book that seems to revolve around the thesis that DFW was interested in language as a way of “self-creation” and that “Solomon Silverfish” was an unsuccessful attempt at grappling with that idea in writing, but it’s $110 to get digital access so I’ll just have to assume her qualms with it were the same as mine.

In closing, I’m still glad I spent the $10, and I still love you DFW! But this story was not good.

Yup

August 9, 2023

“The anti-capitalist scholar Joel Kovel has gone as far as saying that the US mental health industry has proliferated and grown exponentially because the diagnoses of individual disorders and their treatments are part of the same social process. Writing before the mindfulness boom, Kovel observed that the mental health industry had been handsomely rewarded because of its institutional role in smoothing over and masking the growing contradictions of advanced capitalist societies. This took place despite the lack of much conclusive evidence for treatments, scientific progress or mastery over mental illness and psychological disorders. As Kovel puts it: ‘A purely psychologic view of human difficulties is a handy way of mystifying social reality, and it requires no feat of imagination to comprehend capitalist society would come to reward the psychiatric profession for promoting a special kind of psychological illusion.’

“… Back on the MBSR [Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction] course, the next exercise was ‘mindful movement,’ or basic yoga. Being more of a Tai Chi practitioner, I sat this one out until they got to the end, a supine posture on the floor. Relaxing, I couldn’t help but think about how mindfulness interventions have a Puritan obsession with controlling emotions, especially anger that is cloaked in new psychological and neuroscientific garb. The labels for dysfunction change over time––immaturity, hysteria, neurasthenia, nervous breakdowns, lack of emotional intelligence, problems of emotional self-regulation, mindlessness––but the fundamental model stays constant, based on a cult of subjectivity.”

Ronald E. Purser, McMindfulness: How Mindfulness Became the New Capitalist Spirituality

Sopranos

June 19, 2023

I watched the Sopranos last summer, after a years-long campaign waged by my husband to convince me to get into it. I liked it a lot, but I wouldn’t say I thought about it terribly often, the way I think about some other shows. Fast forward to last month, when I started rewatching it out of lack of anything better to do, and now I am full-on obsessed. I have come up with no fewer than three thesis ideas for someone majoring in media studies based on the show (DM Siobhan for details), incorporated a long rant I tend to go on about whether or not Tony is a true sociopath into a lengthy essay which will likely never see the light of day, and, my shining moment, read the entire oral history of the Sopranos in less than 24 hours. It’s fine, not life-changing, but interesting enough. Below, a really hilarious interaction––that has nothing to do with the show––between Michael Imperioli (who played Christopher) and Steve Schirripa (who played Bobby).

Steve: I would feel so terrible if I went, killed the deer, and I saw it laying there. I would feel terrible, especially for sport. If people do it, and they eat the food, that’s different.

Michael: If you’re starving, maybe.

Steve: It’s survival. Me, personally, it’s not my thing to kill a rabbit. I won’t kill it, it’s not my thing. Fishing is one thing.

Michael: Why is fishing one thing? Fishing is okay?

Steve: Fishing is okay.

Michael: Why?

Steve: People eat the fish.

Michael: Fish don’t have feelings?

Steve: I don’t know if they do.

Michael: Sure they do. Of course they do, what do you mean? They’re alive.

Steve: Fish cry? When they’re swimming, two of them, and a hook comes out, and gets one of them, the other one is crying?

Michael: When you see a fish on the hook, that fish don’t look so happy to be on that fucking hook. They’re struggling with their last breath to get off it and get back in the water. You don’t think they suffer when they’re hanging on the hook?

Steve: I don’t know if they suffer.

Michael: Look at dolphins, what about dolphins? Dolphins are smarter than humans, you know that, right?

Steve: They’re not smarter than me.

Michael: They communicate telepathically and they’re smarter than human beings.

Steve: I don’t think a dolphin is smart. I’ll take an IQ test.

Michael: You know what else is smarter than humans, they say? Squid. Their DNA is unlike anything else on the planet. They think squids might have come from like a meteor from outer space, their frozen genetic material was on a meteor and landed here.

Steve: What are you doing? Are you doing this to fucking drive me crazy? Do you hear yourself? Octopus from outer space, do you hear what you’re saying?

Public Performance Idea

June 9, 2023

In my twenties, I used to have tons of ideas for public performances, which on occasion I would email people better suited than I was to try to have them come to fruition, always to no avail. There was the time I told Improv Everywhere to stage the dinner party “Day-O” dance scene from Beetlejuice in the basement of the Mercer Kitchen restaurant (they claimed Harry Belafonte wouldn’t grant them rights, which is a lame excuse); or the time I tried valiantly to learn the dance from Bande a Part so I could perform it in a friend’s restaurant (we tried to cast one of the male dancers from Craigslist and actually got a credible dancer almost on board); or the time I basically stalked Nitehawk Theater in Brooklyn to stage a sing-a-long performance of A Muppet Christmas Carol. Honestly I stand by all these ideas, they are GOLD, Jerry.

Well, I had another one the other day, but it turns out I’m a little more sheepish in my middle age about pitching random entities with my schemes, so I hope someone with greater cultural cache than I have runs with this. Years ago, my then-boyfriend and I went to see a performance of There Will Be Blood during which a live orchestra played the soundtrack. (It was also in a really beautiful old theater in Harlem, which meant the ambiance was great too.) Well, considering how much everyone misses Succession, and what a musical masterpiece its theme song is, I think it would be amazing if the group that did the TWBB thing (yes, I make that title into an acronym, the film and I are that close) did a screening of some episodes, or maybe just the finale, with a live orchestra. They’re called Wordless Music and if you have more confidence than I do, definitely hit them up, but I’d love a hat tip if possible.

Monks: They’re Just Like Us

May 28, 2023

From Jamie Kreimer’s The Wandering Mind: What Medieval Monks Tell Us About Distraction.