Peak Brooklyn

January 24, 2019

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Chapter Titles From The Favourite

January 10, 2019

 

  1.  This Mud Stinks
  2. I Do Fear Confusion and Accidents
  3. What an Outfit
  4. A Minor Hitch
  5. What if I Should Fall asleep and Slip Under
  6. Stop Infection
  7. Leave That I Like It
  8. I Dreamt I Stabbed You in the Eye

Being Woke Never Solved Shit

January 7, 2019

Remember when you were a child and you just read funny books about animals and you didn’t really think much of it?  But now it’s 2019 and you’re an adult and aware of things like colonialism, and then you read Babar and Curious George to your kid and you think, “Hm, the white man captures the animal from his happy jungle home and forces him to conform to societal norms he doesn’t understand, and fetishizes him or locks him up when he fails to follow the rules?  Is this just a veiled commentary on the history of white oppression in foreign territories?  Is Babar just a stand-in for Pocahontas, who was paraded throughout 17th century England as the ‘civilized savage’?  If George––human name, btw––were a person would he end up in a human zoo?  Oh, for fuck’s sake.  Liberalism is why we can’t have nice things!”

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ICYMI, it says “In the evening, after dinner, [Babar] tells the Old Lady’s friends all about his life in the great forest.”

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Curious George’s curiosity gets him fucking POACHED.

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Sure, it LOOKS innocent and fun, but the white man runs the zoo.

 

Snail Glasses

December 27, 2018

This is a cool picture by a photographer named Iringo Demeter.

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Warby Parker’s latest.

My New Favorite Website

December 23, 2018

Two reasons why I have a new favorite website.

1. In 2012, the high school football team in Gypsum, Colorado, rallied around a young fan suffering from leukemia, who lived nearby in the mountains.  A family friend of the boy, a woman in her twenties named Briana, was the intermediary: telling the football team about him, giving interviews to the press, moderating a Facebook page for him, etc.  When he died, the whole town mourned.  But then––surprise!––it turned out the whole thing was a scam.

This is just one example of “Munchausen by Internet,” but it’s one that’s always stuck with me, for reasons I can’t explain.  If someone gave me a few thousand bucks with the stipulation that I had to use it to satiate some longstanding useless desire, I would hire a private investigator to find Briana and Treva Throneberry and just show up at their homes and be like, “Yo ladies, WTF?”

2. When I’m bored, sometimes I will scroll through GoFundMe and try to do a little hypothetical empathy math.  Who deserves my imaginary extra thousand dollars?  The woman with colon cancer, or the man with the brain tumor?  The family who lost their home in a flood (aha, but did they have insurance), or the couple desperate to raise funds for IVF?  The website’s mere existence basically begs a million ethical questions, and I have considered writing about it at length before, but then someone else got there first, which would have pissed me off if the article wasn’t so damn good.

Anyway!  A few weeks back, a friend of mine and I were talking about illness on the Internet, and she gave me the greatest gift of all, which was a link to website called GoFraudMe: a snarky news site that tells you whenever someone commits fraud via crowdfunding!  It’s hilarious, galling, informative, and thought-provoking all at once!  Wanna hear about the nurse accused of killing his patients who took to GoFundMe to raise money for his legal fees?  Sure!  Did you know that Whitney Houston’s sister tried to raise funds to get people to investigate the “foul play” in Whitney and Bobbi Kristina’s deaths?  I did NOT know that!  What about the woman who not only faked cancer for money but said she was a veteran despite never having served? Sign. me. up!

Point being: this website is a trove of great stories (and as an aside, was a great distraction when I was recently in the hospital).  Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to have been updated since September.  All I want for Christmas is MORE GOFUNDME FRAUD STORIES!

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

The Only Email You Want To Receive When You’re in the Hospital

November 21, 2018

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Moms!

November 12, 2018

EOB: My mother is this weird mixture of absolute prudery and total foul mouthed bile. She once didn’t speak to me for a week because I said “vagina” in front of my dad but frequently calls people, inanimate objects and once a dolphin a cunt.

Psychic Autistics

November 1, 2018

“As [Hugo] Gernsback became wealthy, he cultivated the air of a bon vivant, packaging himself as adroitly as he packaged his crystal sets by dressing in bespoke suits and silk ties.  But he inevitably struck people as odd, rude, self-centered, and even callous.  On train trips to Chicago to pick up parts for his company, he would stop off in Cleveland to visit his seven-year-old cousin, Hildegarde.  The entrepreneur would terrify the girl by launching into winding soliloquies about a society in which domed cities in orbit, robot doctors, and retirement colonies on Mars were commonplace.  (Meanwhile, horse-drawn carts were still plying the streets outside.)  If a ringing telephone interrupted him in mid reverie, he would raise na admonishing finger and say to his cousin in his bristling Germanic accept, ‘Hildegarde, fix your hair.  It won’t be long before the caller can see your face over the wires.'”

~Steve Silberman, NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity

Get Me This Shirt

October 29, 2018

Anyone who has seen Synecdoche, New York and doesn’t think it perfectly encapsulates the despair of human existence I sadly must unfriend.

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Bathroom Porn

October 24, 2018

Once, I had an idea that I was going to do a blog post that was only pictures of clawfoot tubs, because I love them.  Then I forgot about it, or maybe I just decided it was something Honestly WTF had already done at least once (it appears they’ve done one on cast iron tubs, which appear to be… the same?  Mostly clawfoot?  It’s like an SAT problem).  Anyway, yesterday, while drooling over this real estate listing for the apartment I would live in if I were 98 years old and had gone full-on rich eccentric, I actually felt my limbs go tingly while gazing upon the amazing green bathroom.  You could just die, right?

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