Archive for October, 2011

Monday Sucks –– But At Least My Friends Are Funny!

October 31, 2011

From KC: “i’ve been studying for an anatomy exam– did i tell you i had to dissect the male genitalia? the whole experience feels like a big insult to my absent romantic life.”

——

From PS (my bro):  “I’m having an OK Monday because I went to yoga this morning. My happy baby was adjusted in a very provocative manner by the instructor…”

—–

Lady Bob: i need someone to make me a website because my psychic is slacking

me: psychic?

Lady Bob: she’s also a web designer

——-

MH: my head hurts from peer pressuring people to drink all weekend

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TGIFUCKINGF!

October 28, 2011

I may never have been so happy for it to be Friday in my life. If I were tech savvy enough, I’d make a video of the peanut-butter-jelly-time banana, the smoking toddler from China (?) and the Hipster Hitler doing a celebratory dance for this week being OVAH! (Then obvi it would go viral.) Unfortunately I can’t, but you’re welcome for the mental image. What’s in my future this weekend? TWO DAYS OF PIZZA!

THE JOAN

October 27, 2011

I don’t want to simply re-blog (because I hate the whole concept) but I have to say that the article about Joan Didion from New York Magazine last week (I guess?) was pretty interesting, especially for me as I do have an intense love hate relationship with the Joan (still looking for a home for my essay about realizing she was too morose for words –– takers?)  The best part of the article was undoubtedly this little tidbit about Quintana Roo:

“At age 5, Quintana called Camarillo, the mental institution rumored to have inspired ‘Hotel California,’ to ask what she should do if she went crazy—a story Didion insists is not just family lore.”

Girl after my own heart.

I can’t to publish a picture of Joan because looking at her arms makes me queasy, so here’s an adorable Quintana Roo in Malibu.  I agree with the writer Barbara Grizzuti Harrison about her name, too –– pretty  wack, Joan.

How precious!?

And now, for some Joan Didion jokes!

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
A [in death rattle tone]:  Ash.

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite perfume?

A: Mothballs.

And now I’m going to make one up on my own…

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite cocktail?

A: Rum with a splash of disquietude.

Neologism!

October 26, 2011

Excuse me for BLOGGING too much recently, but I just thought of something kind of genius (not SUPER genius, though) –– remember when it was a fad a few years ago for Asian schoolgirls to write books on their cell phones? Well, I’m thinking that if people starting writing longer pieces –– how this would happen, I can’t envision, but where there’s fad technology, there’s a way –– via Twitter, the resulting would be called TWITERATURE!

Commissions Accepted

October 26, 2011

I make micrographic presents.  This one is for my boyfriend.  It says, “It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.”  I know from experience.

Oh, how I love to write tiny!

As the title suggests, commissions are accepted.  Please email my manager/dealer Siobhan at itinerantdaughterandson@gmail.com, but be forewarned that the prices are quite steep as my work is in high demand.

 

Do You Ever Recognize Yourself?

October 26, 2011

“Well, lady,” he said to her, “are you an artist too?”
“No,” said Miss Goering. “I wanted to be a religious leader when I was young and now I just reside in my house and try not to be too unhappy. I have a friend living with me, which makes it easier.”

~ Two Serious Ladies by Jane Auer Bowles

Old Mix CD

October 26, 2011

An unearthed mix CD given to me by a girl a few years my junior I knew while we were both hospitalized for general teenage angst, a Google search of whose name produces naught but an obit.

Blink 182 –– “Please Tell Me Why”

Nine Days –– “Absolutely”

Dave Matthews Band –– “Crash”

Duncan Shiek –– “Barely Breathing”

Gin Blossoms –– “Hey Jealousy”

Gavin Degraw –– “I Don’t Wanna Be”

Incubus –– “Drive”

John Mayer –– “New Deep”

Razorblades –– “Story of the Year”

Harvey Danger –– “Flagpole Sitta”

Live –– “Lightning Crashes”

The Rolling Stones –– “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

Gin Blossoms –– “Follow You Down”

The Killers –– “Somebody Told Me”

The Verve Pipe –– “We Were Only Freshmen”

Third Eye Blind –– “Semi-Charmed Life”

Tonic –– “If You Could Only See”

Wheatus –– “Teenage Dirtbag”

Awkward Wrongly Addressed Email of the Day

October 24, 2011

Email from _____ to me (and undisclosed recipients) at 4:26 PM, Monday, October 24th (this is the second email I’ve received from this person)

Hi Everyone,

Mimi and I are having another open gym this Sunday, OCT 30th from 1 – 3 PM. Would love for you to come and play. If you have any teammates, friends, sisters, etc. that want to come play as well they are welcome. Let me know if you can make it. See you soon!

Sincerely,

___

website

phone (Orange/San Diego County area code)

From me to ____, 6:05 PM

Please update your address book –– I am not the person you’re trying to reach.  I live in New York City, I don’t have sisters and I don’t go to the gym.

 

DIY Alligator Claw Brooch

October 23, 2011

You too can have one!

Step one: buy an alligator claw back scratcher, available at most south Florida drug stores or online here.

Step two: Saw off the stick.

Step three: paint its toenails a pretty color.

Step four: krazy glue a pin to the palm.

Step five: pin to a crazy jacket, and give Iris Apfel a run for her money.

Spying

October 20, 2011

So this morning on the subway I was looking over my shoulder as some lady was typing an email on her telefono intelligente (I don’t know why I felt that needed to be Spanish) and this is a pretty close approximation of the note:

Subject: Doctor O

Hi cutie,

I really think you should go see Doctor O.  I’ll be happy to pay for it –– I’ll consider it an investment (I think you can get her down to $125/hr.)  [Something platitudinous after this…]

So given the quotation of an hourly rate, I’m guessing this is about a psychiatrist or a mental health professional of some sort, and a Google search of Dr. O’s in NYC provides the following match:

Dr. S. O.

I’m a Clinical Psychologist who’s been in private practice for almost 15 years. My basic training is psychodynamic in nature, though I’ve worked extensively as a Dialectical Behavior Therapist (DBT), and it’s informed my practice of therapy enormously. Originally developed to treat patients with ‘Borderline Personality Disorder,’ DBT is also immensely helpful to those suffering a wide range of emotional disturbances, including depression, anxiety, anger management problems, eating disorders, difficulties with close relationships, and difficulties in the work place. It’s a treatment where the therapist is interactive and “real”, and the treatment process is de-mystified.

My working style is an integration of both of DBT, and my psychodynamic foundations. Classified as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), DBT has a didactic component where patients are essentially taught important life skills (core mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation). Many find this aspect of DBT extraordinarily helpful.

I integrate the helpful techniques from DBT into my primarily psychodynamic practice. A session is a collaborative process. I am not silent and distant, but actively involved. My style is warm and direct. Patients often say early on that they feel very comfortable with me, and well understood.

—-

Ah, the cutie is Borderline!  That is… super unfortch.