Archive for May, 2010

Found

May 28, 2010

In the back of an NYC yellow cab, Tuesday morning, 5/25/10: The Spider’s Web, a literary and arts magazine from Jonathan Edwards College of Yale University, Senior Issue of this year.

A Selection:

“What Shade Can I Lean On”

Where are you garden muse

Darling in the trees

I’ve felt your touch in the wind

But still

I cannot quench the fear

That you are not a mystery

But an absence

And my absence follows yours

For what ground do I have to stand on

If this earth is so phantasml

What shade can I lean in

–– Hayley Johnson

Advertisements

HipposFuckingOnMyCoffeeMug.jpg

May 18, 2010

Advice

May 17, 2010

How best to begin my campaign to make myself Karl Lagerfeld’s letter delivery girl?

My Next Gig

May 12, 2010

I want to read the Infinite Jest audiobook!  I don’t think anyone’s done it yet, but perhaps I’m misreading my iTunes results (which is a distinct possibility)…

What A Wordsmith!

May 11, 2010

Hunter S. Thompson to Tom Wolfe…

March 3, 1971
Dear Tom…

You worthless scumsucking bastard, I just got your letter on Feb 25 from the Grand Hotel in Roma, you swine! Here you are running around fkcing Italy in that filthy white suit at a thousand bucks a day laying all kinds of stone gibberish & honky bullshit on those poor wops who can’t tell the difference…while I’m out here in the middle of these goddamn frozen mountains in a death battle with the taxman & nursing cheap wine while my dogs go hungry & my cars explode and a legion of nazi layers makea my life a goddamn Wobbly nightmare…
You decadent pig. Where the fck do you get the nerve to go around telling those wops that I’m crazy? You worthless fck. My Italian tour is already arranged for the next spring & I’m going to do the whole goddamn trip wearing a bright red field marshall’s uniform & accompanied by six speedfreak bodyguards bristling with Mace bombs & when I start talking about American writers & the name Tom Wolfe comes up, by god, you are going to wish you were born a fcking iguana!!
OK for that, you thieving pile of albino warts. You better settle your goddamn affairs because your deal is about to go down. «Unprofessorial,» indeed! You scurvy wop! I’ll have your goddamn femurs ground into bone splinters if you ever mention my name again in connection with that horrible «new journalism» shuck you’re promoting.
Ah, this greed, this malignancy! Where will it end? What filthy weight your soul has made you sink so low? Doctor Bloor was wright! Hyenas are taking over the world! Oh Jesus!!! What else can I say? Except to warn you, once again, that the hammer of justice looms, and that your filthy white suit will become a flaming shroud!

Sincerely Hunter

My Home for the First Two Weeks of July

May 10, 2010

"I can't keep track of each fallen robin..."

Imagine the Conversation!

May 10, 2010

Just saw Woody Allen, Soon-Yi Previn and Diane Keaton having Mother’s Day dinner!

Awww

May 7, 2010

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

–– Kurt Vonnegut on Twitter.

Venera Will Appear Today!

May 6, 2010

re: SPAM

Fred Says:
May 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm | Reply

I have contacted Venera. She is real and we are in love. (NOT, Really!!) She did say that she is coming to see me on Thursday; see for yourself!!?

“How are you?

I hope that you have good day and you have good morning today.

I hasten to write to you the letter to inform information about my ticket.

But I can fly to you only to Thursday!!! On May, 6th!!!

Today I already have the information on my ticket, and I can send it to you.

E-ticket:

Russia, Moscow (MOW) Flight to Philadelphia, PA (PHL)

Departing: Thu, May 6, 2010

Returning: Sun, Jun 6, 2010 | 1 Adult

Airline: KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

Flight 3105 operated by Aeroflot / Flight 6035 operated by Delta Air Lines / 5682 operated by Delta Air Lines

Departure Time: 10:25am

Moscow, Russian Federation (SVO)

Arrival Time: 7:31pm

Philadelphia, PA (PHL)

Total Travel Time: 17hrs 6min – 2 Stops

Change planes in Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS)

Change planes in Detroit, MI (DTW)

I very much hope that this date and time will be convenient for you and we can have our meeting.

Other details of my ticket I can receive all on Thursday morning, when I shall pay my ticket in the airport.

You understand me?”

I am just waiting for the hook; i.e. I need money to buy my ticket, hotel, or whatever. I can’t believe that any woman would travel hundreds of mile to meet a stranger, with the expectations of stay with them a day, let alone a month. Venera must be crazy, desperate, or the best con-artist in history.

Anyway, I’ll let you know if she in facts does exist and shows up.

  • itinerantdaughter Says:
    May 4, 2010 at 7:04 pm | Reply So WordPress sends me an email asking if I’d like to approve this comment and I’m kind of pissed that I can’t respond: DUH!

    You have GOT to keep me informed about Venera! If possible, take pictures. The g-rated kind. I guess.

  • Fred Says:
    May 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm | Reply I have photo now. She is a very attractive woman; that is, if these are her true likeness.

  • Fred Says:
    May 5, 2010 at 8:41 pm | Reply I honestly believe that they are from a modeling social network advertisement site. They are quite professionally done. Do you have an address where I can send the photos ?
    Nevertheless, I haven’t heard from Venera for a day and a half. The true shall be revealed on Thursday; that is if she shows up?

    • itinerantdaughter Says:
      May 5, 2010 at 9:07 pm | Reply We are at itinerantdaughterandson@gmail.com. Yes, I have a brother.

      TOMORROW IS THE DAY OF RECKONING! Try to do some fun things like show her the sights in your city and then fashion a photo montage out of it, you know, like, “V and I in front of the Liberty Bell,” “Eating cheesesteaks! Yum!” Etc. You’re in Philly, yes?

  • From Harper’s

    May 6, 2010

    I’ve been absent, again!  This is because I’m currently a resident of My-Job-Is-Hell Land.  Don’t fight me on this, because I will win.  Though I hope all the children have been following the Saga of Fred and Venera!  In fact, I’ll post the whole thing tomorrow so you can see.  It’s quite exciting.

    From Harper’s magazine:

    [Schemes]

    THE FRENCH CONCOCTION

    From a list of adventures offered by Ultime Realite, a French business that specializes in creating live-action psychodramas “inspired by your dreams, your nightmares or by a film or book.”  A basic four-hour kidnapping costs $1,226.  Translated from the French by Elena Ciocoiu.

    KIDNAPPING

    Kidnapped while you leave a restaurant or in the parking lot of your supermarket, then handcuffed and tied up, you will experience the violence and terror of a real kidnapping –– a psychological shock you won’t soon forget.

    BOUNTY HUNTER

    For two days, experience the craziest hunting of your life.  As prey, you’ll hear the barking of dogs unleashed to chase after you.  You’ll have only your gun, and at night you’ll try to fall asleep scared out of your wits that they might catch you.  Or experience a more elaborate scenario: first kidnap your prey, who will escape, and then manage a team of hunters.

    GOFAST ADVENTURE

    Take the place of a drug trafficker aboard a speedboat.  Your mission will be to transport a cargo by sea.  Or you might participate in the unloading of merchandise from a helicopter on a moonless night, lit by the headlamps of a four-wheel drive, scared because one of our security teams patrolling nearby might catch you!