Archive for March, 2012

This Makes Me Sad

March 30, 2012

These tights are adorable:

I always feel like a twat when trying to pronounce "ombre" though.

But one, it’s springtime, and so no new tights necessary for a good few months now, and two, they’re FORTY-FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS!  (It actually says “fucking” on the Etsy shop entry.)  Seriously, for $45, I could feed myself for a week, and buy a cheap pair of tights at H&M and dip them in crushed berries myself.

Luckily, when I win the $600 gajillion megamillions powerball whatever tonight, I’ll be able to buy myself the woman who owns this Etsy shop and set her up in my laundry room, where she will dye tights in the morning, make funky candles in the afternoon, and sleep at night.  Hey, I’m not a slavedriver.

Little Joys

March 30, 2012

My day has started out on a few bad notes, but when I saw this headline in the Times:

“Starbucks struggles to make headway in Europe”

(To be more accurate, in Business Day Live)

I was momentarily revived.  It’s nice to know even those who seem so together have their problems.  Like finding out the popular girl in middle school had a wicked case of psoriasis that (fortunately for her) was covered by her polos.

RIP Adrienne Rich

March 29, 2012

Famed poet Adrienne Rich died Tuesday.  I wanted to post “Valediction Forbidding Mourning” (seemed apropos) but it had been removed from all the usual sites due to complaints from the copyright holder.  Fair ’nuff.


You’re wondering if I’m lonely:

OK then, yes, I’m lonely

as a plane rides lonely and level

on its radio beam, aiming

across the Rockies

for the blue-strung aisles

of an airfield on the ocean.

You want to ask, am I lonely?

Well, of course, lonely

as a woman driving across country

day after day, leaving behind

mile after mile

little towns she might have stopped

and lived and died in, lonely

If I’m lonely

it must be the loneliness

of waking first, of breathing

dawns’ first cold breath on the city

of being the one awake

in a house wrapped in sleep

If I’m lonely

it’s with the rowboat ice-fast on the shore

in the last red light of the year

that knows what it is, that knows it’s neither

ice nor mud nor winter light

but wood, with a gift for burning


March 27, 2012

Exactly how ought one to open an email to Marina Abramovic?

Scrabble Faucet

March 27, 2012

Gimme something useful, like an A!


March 27, 2012

My colleague HW sent me this last night and I died laughing.  I can’t tell if it’s serious, but something tells me at least part of it is.

Home > All Categories > Food & Drink > Other – Food & Drink > Resolved Question

Submitted to Yahoo! Answers:

Im really hungry and have no money and no food to eat. What should I do?

— boop83

Submitted 3 years ago

Best Answer – Chosen by Voters

Sell your computer to get money to eat.

Kimberley wrote:

I’m sorry to hear this, no one should go hungry. Do you have a local food bank you could visit? They are really reasonable and help those in need. Otherwise I would visit your local church and see if they can help you. Another place to look into is your local Senior citizens center, they usually have lunches there daily. All that being said, if you live in an area where there are no facilities like I mentioned maybe you should knock on your neighbors door. I know its not the most appealing thing to do, but most people will help out when they can, its human nature. Good luck to you.

Sangeeth K wrote:

If this is really your state…I am very sorry about it. Get a job asap. But if you are asking for the sake of asking a question, you can drink lot of water. It will reduce the hunger. In olden days there were saints who drank only water and lived for years. But you need practice for that.

vee-smalls wrote:

go to a food bank…..or go to a mcdonallds and say that they messed up your food. their policy says that they have to give you what you sey they messed up without having to see a recipt.

Jez N wrote: 

I’m on the same boat as you. thats why im a go chaw from the supermarket. they got loads of money. don’t rob independent shops, they need the cash.

Chelsea V wrote: 

sneak into costco and eat all the samples.

middleEngland wrote:

dust. anybody….no?….dust

Jersey Girl wrote:

Go to a food bank.

No money – who’s paying for your internet connection?

Ally wrote:

wow go find some change on the ground and go to wendys or somthing

 ~M@~me~ wrote:

Call ur Mom, or be a man about it.

Some of these are predictable, and yet some are genius.  I’m totally trying that McDonald’s thing next time I’m hungry and my change doesn’t add up.

Another Profile

March 26, 2012

So I’m having a semi-shitty day because my stomach is all weird and gurgly, but it just got a whole lot better when I read this blind item on DListed:

This D list (Z list?) former child star is currently in the process of starting his own religion. He’s claiming to have visions and knows when the end of the world is. He currently has about five followers.

Joey Lawrence, reveal thyself to me!  (I know, you were thinking Kirk Cameron, but that’s too easy –– plus, he’s way too high on Jesus to go the way of heresy.)  We could really go places with this one.

Brave New World

March 25, 2012

I so look forward to Harry Davies-Carr’s essay “Society Bit Me: I Was An Internet Meme” about his rise to fame and subsequent descent  into bath salts and sex addiction.

Someone Get On This

March 25, 2012

How is it possible that this documentary has never been given English subtitles?

Berlin Muren

Mrs. Wall. No, seriously, that's her name.


The video Berlinmuren (2008) tells the story of a highly unusual relationship: the love affair between the Swedish woman Eija-Riita Berliner-Mauer and the Berlin Wall. She considers November 9th, 1989, the day the Wall “fell,” the saddest day of her life. Berliner-Mauer now lives in Liden in northern Sweden where, besides running a museum that displays models of guillotines and the Berlin Wall, she moderates a number of websites about the Wall and the phenomenon of human love for objects.


Also someone/publication ought to give me the money to go visit this chick and write a profile on her.  Paging David Remnick…

I Just Gotta Be Me

March 23, 2012

Sometimes I like being myself.  It’s the simple moments in my life that make it beautiful, the times I spend with myself, a gentle, humorous companion.  Like today, for example, when I was walking up 1st Avenue to catch the bus, I saw a flyer on a lamppost that read, “Suffer from ADHD or Dyslexia?  Join our group!  Come bowling with people just like you!”  And I immediately started to envision such an event, and then decided, “That is way too easy.”