Archive for September, 2011

Is It Weird That I’m Posting Pictures of Other People’s Children?

September 30, 2011

Secret Snow in Stella McCartney

Online Dating

September 30, 2011

I love it when my friends online date.  There is an endless opportunity for unfair judgment, impulsive excoriation of character, and ecstatic schadenfraude.  Below is a profile my friend sent me of someone whose (I sincerely hope faux) enthusiasm makes me want to knee him in the balls and assure he never procreates and populates the world with perky babies who spend their free time “discovering Europe.”  Obviously I’m using pseudonymic initials, and those aren’t the real names of his non-profits.


“ASS is passionate, fun and always full of energy.” Hi, I’m ASS – driven, inspired, adventurous… I’m usually having fun, whether it’s business (I’d do my job for fun!), hanging out with friends and family, or traveling (biking, discovering europe, learning new cultures, etc). I like genuine people who are bright, passionate and care about making a difference.


For fun I’ll hang by the beach or water with friends, travel, bike, grab dinner with friends, relax on a boat, spend time with my family and my cute cousins, read, or do something creative. I’m blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with the best comedians and business people in the world, doing what I love.


Busy people get more done…


1. I’m a comedian performing in clubs in NYC and sometimes on TV.


2. I own a few startup companies and I run conferences that help doctors and charities serve people better. We pack hundreds of leaders into a theater and inspire them to make change (and take gobs of their money….hey, life is expensive).


3. For good karma and fun, I run two non-profit organizations (Self-Satisfying Services Ltd. and Ego-Enhancing Volunteers) with friends…mainly to make up for all our bad behavior. 😉


BUT….I never take myself too seriously. I spend a ton of time hanging out with friends, pride myself on being lazy, and having fun.


I think my favorite part is when he talks about his ways to relax.  “I hang out on a boat.”  Um, fuck you?


Little Bite of Poetry

September 30, 2011

“The Porpoise”

I kind of like the playful porpose,

A healthy mind in a healthy corpus.

He and his cousin, the playful dolphin,

Why they like swimmin like I like golfin.

~Ogden Nash

I’ve Hit the Motherload

September 30, 2011


Holy Shit

September 28, 2011

I just found an excellently trashy white girl name on Heavy (the schadenfraude marathon continues… maybe A&E will sense my addiction to their shows and send me to a lovely “facility” in Malibu?)… BRITNY!  What kind of a trailer-park cousin-banging roadkill-eating name is that?

Snack Time Tragedy

September 28, 2011

Milano down!

White Trash Names

September 28, 2011

White trash like to give their kids names that sound phonetically normal but have completely wackadoodle spelling, or alternatively, they like the names for feelings or virtues (but not in a Puritan way.)  A great source for white trash names is (duhhh!) the television show Intervention.





























Reality Check Tuesday

September 27, 2011

I know we’re all about being nice to transgendered people these days, but let’s be real: it wasn’t Chaz Bono’s “knees” that hindered his performance in the quickstep portion of Dancing with the Stars… it was his fucking OBESITY!


Fuck you, New York Magazine.

Seriously. Fuck you.


Against Tumblr

September 26, 2011

“Insofar as ‘image flow’ isn’t going away any time soon, it certainly makes sense to try to harness the powers of YouTube for all kinds of social causes as well as for entertainment.  But there are also perils.  And one is that in a cultural moment defined (by some, for some) by image flow, the question of what one should look at, along with attendant inquiries into the nature and effect of the images blowing by, has a creepy way of overtaking almost all other questions.  This may in fact be part of the so-called image regime’s raison d’etre, rather than a puzzling side effect.  In any case, it can lead ot cul-de-sacs, red herrings, or distractions fatal to the primary issue at hand.

For example, in a director’s statement about his Abu Ghraib documentary, Standard Operating Procedure, filmmaker Errol Morris names the principal question posed by his film as, ‘Is it possible for a photograph to change the world?’  But what could the answer to this question –– be it in the negative or the affirmative — really mean?  As Sontag puts it in Regarding the Pain of Others, ‘The image as shock and the image as cliche are two aspects of the same presence’ –– a notion that partially explains how the iconic image of the hooded prisoner at Abu Ghraib forced to hold a foreboding wire in each hand could literally sicken one’s stomach when first viewed, then move on to become a much-parodied image (e.g., on the satirical posters that appeared throughout the New York subways not long after the Abu Ghraib story broke, posters that borrowed the distinct design of Apple’s iPod campaign, but substituted the word ‘iRaq’ for ‘iPod,’ and featured the silhouette of hte hooded man in lieu of the iPod’s silhouetted dancer).  It isn’t that the photograph played no role in the unfolding of human events –– clearly, it did.  But after nearly 200 years of photography, it may be that we are closer than ever to understanding that an image –– be it circulated in a newspaper, on YouTube, or in an art gallery –– is an exceptionally poor platform on which to place the unending, arduous, multifaceted, and circuitous process of ‘changing the world.'”

-– Maggie Nelson, The Art of Cruelty: A Reckoning

Excerpt From This Month’s Watchtower

September 24, 2011

In case you guys didn’t get a chance to grab a copy of this month’s The Watchtower: Announcing Jehovah’s Kingdom, here’s an excerpt from an article entitled “Taxes: Must You Pay Them?”

Benefits from Following the Bible’s Teaching

You can gain several benefits by following the Bible’s teaching regarding the paying of taxes.  You will avoid the punishment for lawbreakers as well as the fear of being caught.  (Romans 13:3-5)  More important, you will keep a clean conscience before God and honor him by your law-abiding conduct.  Even though you may experience some financial loss compared with those who withhold payment or even cheat on their taxes, you can rely on God’s promise to care for his loyal servants.  The Bible writer David put it this way: “A young man I used to be, I have also grown old, and yet I have not seen anyone righteous left entirely, nor his offspring looking for bread.” –– Psalm 37:25.

Finally, understanding and following the Bible’s command to pay taxes will give you peace of mind.  God does not hold you responsible for all governmental actions supported by your taxes, just as the law does not hold you responsible for what your landlord does with the rent you pay.  Before learning Bible truth, a man named Stelvio sought political change for years in southern Europe.  Explaining why he abandoned his efforts,  he said: ” I had to admit that man is unable to bring justice, peace, and brotherhood into the world.  Only God’s Kingdom can truly bring about a different and better society.”

Like Stelvio, if you loyally “pay back God’s things to God” you too can enjoy that assurance.  You will see the time when God brings righteous rule to the earth, undoing the damage and injustice brought by human rulership.


Hm.  Well… hm.  A few questions:

1. This Stelvio character… where did he come from?  In what country and years did he live?  All readers need context.

2. By paying taxes, you support the government, which the Witnesses accept.  But… isn’t the very definition of government “human rulership of the world”?

3. An overall analysis of your magazine and doctrine:  sheesh, you guys are BOH-RING.  I thought cults were filled with baby orgies and mass suicides and LSD as paths to enlightenment.  All you people do is hand out magazines and shun birthdays.  What gives, Witnesses?