Archive for April, 2011

Number One Best Moment of my Life

April 28, 2011

When Charles Shepard, the Charlotte Observer reporter who blew the whistle on Jim Bakker and Praise the Lord Industries, gets Tammy Faye to sign copies of the tell-all book about the scandal ’cause he thinks it would be “a hoot” to give it away at his graduate school auction.

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Gem from Disney World

April 25, 2011

My friend NZ just attended what sounds like a great wedding at Disney World (who knew?!) and regaled me with a tale of drunken Magic Kingdom antics…

NZ: So after this whole wedding reception we went to a dance hall and i got bombed of jagerbombs and champagne…we ended up getting kicked out of the bar (disney banned they called it) at around 1:45 am after drinking since noon… so I have to pee and I am on the look out for a bathroom and running all over (everything is shut down at this point) All the boys are trying to stop one of our friends from beating up the bouncer and the bride and groom are by the water having a romantic moment. ….
  i stumble upon a “concession stand” that seem likes there may be a bathroom inside.. there isnt..but there is 1000 stuffed animals
that i start collecting like the building is burning down
  after i grab 2 jumbo sonic the hedgehogs 4 flamingos, 2 toucans, a giant monkey and a minnie mouse
  i flop out of the tent
  and scream
  WINNNINGGGG
  fall over straddling the hedgehog
 the bride and groom were on the floor crying they were laughing so hard
  security didnt even stop me
  they let me have all the stuffed animals and i handed them out to cab drivers and children checking into the hotel
  didnt remember any of this until i woke up in bed with sonic
  lol
  and was paranoid the wholleee entire day i was going to disney jail
 ID: that’s the best story i ever heard
NZ: apparently there is a picture someone took, i have yet to see it but i will send it to you if i it turns up 🙂

May 21st, 2011

April 24, 2011

Apparently there is a “new” (at least to me) theory that the world is coming to an end on May 21st.  Some reasons I think this may be valid:

1. According to my boss, since the stock market has recovered the rate of divorce has risen 60%.

2. This “blind item”

Wait… what happened?!  I wrote a fucking polemic here and WordPress deleted it, and doesn’t WordPress know that a) genius, like lightning, doesn’t strike the same place twice and b) I’m lazy?

(Summary: I don’t believe tween star Demi Lovato was ever in rehab, and if she was, it was for probably two days and for drug abuse and self-mutilation more than any eating problem, which is becoming the new “exhaustion” –– excuse for being troubled/acting strangely if you’re famous and want, in the end, to appear ultimately NOT GUILTY)

Parisian Menu

April 17, 2011

A list of meals enjoyed (or considered) by New York Times writer Amy M. Thomas while in Paris:

1. creme-filled pain aux raisins

2. the Cornet Vegetarien –– a sandwich of fresh greens, grated carrots and fennel, marinated onions and thinly sliced avocado, dressed with olive oil and honey and dusted with chives and lime zest

3. Sauteed squid with oranges and green olives and a “delicious” bottle of Cotes-du-Rhone

4. A dollop of mozzarella dusted with black pepper and vanilla

5. Pear crumble served with buckwheat ice cream and grapefruit compote

6. Oyster tapioca with blood sausage and dried duck meat

7. Smoked herring marinated in olive oil and served with pickled onions

8. Steamed cod and baby spinach

9. Bespoke millefeuille

10. Rose, chocolate and pistacho macarons

11. Endive, walnut, Stilton cheese, apple salad

12. John Dory with coriander, lime, and tomato compote

13. Black cod with daikon

14. Brochettes of Parmesan covered salsifis

15. A melange of banana, passion fruit, rum, granite, and cream

Thoughtlets

April 15, 2011

Apparently I’m having a “thoughtlet” week (Kay Ryan’s term for Twitter-friendly half-ideas) which is bad but we’ll roll with it.  Two things:

1. In my dream last night I had a pair of peach-colored leather pants?  And they actually didn’t look horrendous.

2. Not one but TWO people on my subway car this morning were reading Rhonda Byrnes’ The Secret.  For shame.

I also (this could be 3?) came up with the skeleton of a theory about the Internet, blogging/MySpace/social networking, and the notion of “audience” in the work of David Foster Wallace (after reading reviews for The Pale King, which I’m awaiting anxiously) but I think it’s either not fleshed out enough or too obvious to unpack.

Twitter-esque

April 14, 2011

A poem? as “slim as [a] runway model…”

Very few things annoy me as much

as women who blog about breastfeeding

Reblogged

April 14, 2011

Doesn’t “re-blogged” just mean “stolen” or “plagiarized”?

Thanks, JG, for "Overheard on the Titanic"!

Flaubert’s Souvenirs

April 13, 2011

Good band name, eh?

A list of trinkets Flaubert brought home from the Orient, courtesy of biographer Geoffrey Wall via idol JT:

“Hashish, ‘something specia’ from Cairo.  One small crocodile, Nubian, embalmed.  Ten feet of gold-embroidered fabric (wool and silk) from Beirut.  Rosaries, eight dozen, from Jerusalem.  One rose, ditto, blessed on the Holy Sepulchre… Marble from the Temple of Apollo, one piece… Flowers, for Louis Bouilhet, picked from just by the door of a brothel in Pompeii.”

For a great juxtaposish, I should put the list of things Biggie had on him when he died right here.  But I won’t.

Same Shit, Different Day

April 12, 2011

This is also fairly Kafka-esque, or perhaps the directions to a specific room in the monolithic building where Jonathan Pryce works in Brazil:

The door to the staircase from the lobby has a push button lock.

The key button code is 521.

There are five buttons aligned vertically that can be pushed

The top button is 1

The bottom button is 5

To press 521 and open that door press:

1

2

5

Not Exactly the Uncanny Valley…

April 11, 2011

I’m still working on a phrase with which I can “tag” these things that make me feel like I’m living in a Kafka story, or a work by Barthelme, or some other piece of writing in which the world is unsettling and scary but not exactly dangerous…

The synopsis of this morning’s CBS Sunday Morning as provided by DirectTV:

Family pets; Dean Koontz; Isabella Rossellini; bats; the Middle Georgia Koi and Goldfish Show.