Archive for December, 2010

Unapologetic Rant

December 30, 2010

Sometimes people who maintain blogs have delusions of writing/e-fame grandeur.  I don’t really, but I like to imagine that I strive for some sort of substance in my posts.  I’ll let you know in advance that this post has absolutely no redeeming quality, and I am ranting to my audience of none (one?) just to get this off my chest.  As I have been poor as Heidi Fleiss post-Hollywood Madam but pre-Celebrity Rehab these past few months, I’ve spent a great deal of time perusing Craigslist looking for little part time work.  I often saw ads for internships (point of irritation number one, as that’s just fancy college talk for “slave labor”) for an e-newsletter called Scallywag and Vagabond, obviously trying to snarikly fake-it-til-they-make-it into the world of Better Than social NYC.  So that was annoying, just knowing these people existed, and then one day one of their emails mysteriously appeared in my inbox!  How they got to me I have no idea (I’ve never been a Gawker fan) so I followed the instructions at the bottom and dropped them a “note” asking to please be removed from the list.  No dice; shit still showed up in there letting me know of such pressing news items as the “The New Breed of Coke Whore” and “Have u ever lived with a Crystal Meth addict? – Oh the adventures… CRYSTAL METH BOY AND HIS SKANK.”  Finally I just marked it as Spam and yet SOMEHOW today I got the LATEST ISSUE of this piece of rubbish, re-printed to help you along with your burgeoning bulimia below:

from scoop scoop <scoop@scallywagandvagabond.com>
to
date Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 5:27 PM
subject Who are the top 10 hot men in NYC? The return of Anal Sex and more celebrities who misbehave.

hide details 5:27 PM (21 hours ago)

WELCOME TO SCALLYWAG AND VAGABOND- an irreverent dossier on scandal, misbehavior, aesthetics, manners and intellect. Midweek newsletter.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/
Who are the top ten hot guys of NYC? – let’s find out… TOP TEN MALE HOTTIES OF NYC

Anal Sex. Why are more women trying it and liking it? ANAL SEX- R U DOING IT?

Have you ever had the worse dinner party? We just did…. FAUX PAS DINNER PARTIES

Which Hollywood celebrity blew off back to back family gatherings for Santa’s blow? – CELEBRITY PLEASURES

Isn’t it time you aspiring journalists came and interned with Scallywag?- BECOME A TRASH TABLOID WRITER TOO.

Prince William to do away with servants – ROYAL MANNERS

Cynthia Colston gets arrested for calling 911 after receiving a bad manicure  911

Did you give birth to a baby at an airport bathroom, strangle the baby and then flush them away- STRANGLING BABIES

and our favorite – SAVAGE PREDATOR: scandal, faux pas and gossip
ENJOY THE READ

LOVE

SCALLYWAG

To unsubscribe drop us a note.

And so I wrote back:

from Itinerant Daughter
to scoop scoop <scoop@scallywagandvagabond.com>

date Thu, Dec 30, 2010 at 12:51 PM
subject Re: Who are the top 10 hot men in NYC? The return of Anal Sex and more celebrities who misbehave.
mailed-bygmail.com

hide details 12:51 PM (2 hours ago)

1. I never signed up for this newsletter.
2. I wrote to tell you to take me off your mailing list and got no response and still receive the letters.
3. I marked it as SPAM and somehow you’re getting through my filter.

Please please remove me from your list!

See?  I told you this post would have no redeeming qualities.  I’m too pissed to be poetic.

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TABS

December 22, 2010

My friend and I sometimes play the tabs game, meaning we list all the tabs open on our computers and try to see what they say about us.  Here is her list today:
1. http://www.housingistreatment.org/home
2. http://www.aidsnet.org/newmain/mainpages/executive.html
3. gmail
4. ugandan newspaper article about how there’s no water in a healthcenter because they havent paid thebill
5. another ugandan newspaper article about how a presidential candidate promised to sell the presidential jet to develop the country (http://www.monitor.co.ug/News/National/-/688334/1076680/-/cjwu01z/-/)
6. Off The Rails: The Year In Fox News Misinformation (http://mediamatters.org/research/201012210005)
7. NPR- Download The Best New Music Of 2010- http://www.npr.org/2010/12/21/131333323/download-the-best-new-music-of-2010?sc=nl&cc=mn-20101221
8. Effects of Dermal Exposure to Nicotiana tabacum (Jean Nicot, 1560) Leaves in Mouse Evaluated by Multiple Methods and Tissues (http://pubs.acs.org/doi/pdf/10.1021/jf101477z)
9. LET IT DOUGH http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/16/let-it-dough/#preview
10. MY GOOGLE READER BLOGS
11. http://blogs.worldbank.org/africacan/qe2-and-africa
12. http://dcfar.med.miami.edu/x84.xml (BIO AND contact info from this AIDS researcher at University of Miami)
13. Hell on Earth – Systematic Rape in Eastern Congo from the journal of humanitarian assistance
14. play RB wants to see on the 27th but so expensive! http://www.bloodybloodyandrewjackson.com/theater-info.html
15. other option for a play http://www.daisyonbroadway.com/?gclid=COGgyIC2_KUCFUpJ2godyT5lXg
16. tickets– so expensive http://boxoffice.broadway.com/boxoffice/pohinv2.aspx?oi=20373153&ox=9406D74F-8187-4403-843C-3111FF16CC4E
17. other ticket seller- also ridiculous and doesnt have plays i want – http://www.theatermania.com/broadway/discount-tickets/ will close this tab now, thank heavens for this exercise
18. http://www.teamsportswear.com/personalized/basketball/jerseys/mens/category.php — idea for an aids activism activity- people want to make jerseys that say “team obama” and make signs that say, obama dropped the ball on aids…
19. nytimes, front page
20. google news search on terrorist attack in nairobi
21. http://www.med.upenn.edu/apps/faculty/index.php/g275/p34383- profile for lady i talked to on phone this AM who i might work for in nairobi
22. http://ros-lehtinen.house.gov/SinglePages/SinglePage.aspx?NewsID=578- i want to get a white house tour!
23. http://wassermanschultz.house.gov/AppropsFY11.shtml – wanted to see if my congress woman had the same white house tour thing as the other lady bc i technically dont live in her district and dont want her to deny my request for a white house tour on those grounds!
24. google search – linda bales
25. google search – alexander mcqueen (couldnt remember his first name)
26. sparklehorse- couldnt remember his name — for your genius suicide column thing
27. wikipedia– list of suicides (curiosity!)
28. wachovia- how much money do i have?
29. google search – marianne williamson- this lady paul just went to see
30. google search- did inventor of atomic bomb commit suicide
+ 4 tabs on nicotine induced skin damage (for my mom)
+ chromeo — i could be wrong on stereogum
+ facebook

Her tabs indicate that she is extremely socially conscious.  Mine, right now, are this blog, obvi, and my Gmail, which do not indicate such a thing.  Also I’m having posting deja vu… have I done this before?

Mid-Day Lull

December 15, 2010

Today is boring. This tat is nice.

Nineties Bands You’ve Never Heard Of

December 15, 2010

I have picked up a tiny gig transcribing interviews about the nineties music scene, namely garage, ska, surf, swing and “mod” rock.  Below is a list of bands cited in the interviews.  I’ll give you a metaphysical xmas gift if you’ve heard of any of them:

The Insomniacs

The Toasters

The New York Citizens

The Creatures of the Golden Dawn

The Nomads

The Lord High Fixtures

The Cellar Dwellers

The Omega Men

Tell Tale Hearts

The Misanthropes

The Mount McKinleys

The Space Cossacks

The Cave Four

——-

Follow up: which of those is the BEST band name?  I know my vote…

Where in the World Is My Brother I.S.?

December 14, 2010

Well, he’s in Los Angeles, but I mean specifically…

IS: guess where I’m going tomorrow

you have three guesses
ID: 1. the chateau marmont
IS: no
think more populist
ID: um
2. the valley?
3. aa?
4. the celebrity scientology center?
IS: that’s four guesses!
ID: 🙂
IS: i’m going to a HOCKEY GAME

An Open Letter to the MTA

December 13, 2010

Dear MTA,

This morning I woke up on time for work, what can only be called a rare occurrence.  Visions of coffee and bagels danced in my head as I hustled down to the G Train.  Alas, twenty-five minutes, and no train.  In an effort to salvage my professional reputation, I had to spend my last eleven dollars on a taxi, and as a result, have not been able to eat all day long.  Therefore, you, the MTA, owe me exactly eleven dollars, or approximately two small meals.  Please send payment/aliment to:

Itinerant Daughter

c/o the Guggenheim

1071 Fifth Avenue

New York, NY 10128

Regards,

ID

RIP FourLoko!

December 10, 2010

This is your brain on FourLoko!

Me…

December 10, 2010

Me, Wishing I Were Yoko Ono

Patronage Piece

Find an artistically inclined youngster.
Supply him with sketchpads, paints, a room in a seedy hotel, and a weathered copy of the collected works of Arthur Rimbaud.
Watch as he is systematically driven mad by his ambitions and drug habit.
Paint his portrait as he weeps over his wasted life
Sell the portrait to the Guggenheim for seven million dollars.
Keep the money.
———————————————————
From Ono’s Grapefruit

Snow Piece
Think that snow is falling.
Think that snow is falling everywhere
all the time.
When you talk with a person, think
that snow is falling between you and
on the person.
Stop conversing when you think the
person is covered by snow.
————
And one more, for good measure…
————
Announcement Piece I
Give death announcements each time you
move instead of giving announcements of
the change of address.
Send the same when you die.

Is It Possible…

December 8, 2010

that I just saw Jonathan Franzen driving a white Subaru Forester in Williamsburg?  Nahhhhh, can’t be…

A Piano

December 7, 2010

You are my world’s aliquot stringing.