So I look on Craigslist for freelance gigs. A lot. People should pay me a lot to do things I like to do, but they don’t, so I have to contemplate gigs like babysitting a teenager post-psychiatric hospitalization and modeling for painters (neither one of which I’ve gotten a response from yet. Fuckers.) Anyway, I found this hilarious advertisement for a salesperson at an adult video store out on Staten Island:
WE ARE HIRING
I was told to hire new employees. Usually they take applications till they are blue in the face, talk to the people for a little while, throw them on a shift or two to see if they can handle it and hire someone.
Well, that is basically what I’m going to be doing, but, I really don’t want to hire some drone who just thinks they are superior because they work in a freakn’ adult shop. They don’t get to know the products, and think it is cake work. Sure, being a body IS cake, but I don’t want another body.
Do not apply if you don’t have a car.
Do not apply if you have another job.
Do not apply if you can’t tell your parents/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc
Do not apply if you’re in school.
The hours are set at 9am-6pm…6pm-3am
We’ve tried to work around these things before, and it doesn’t work.
You must be happy to approach everyone of all ages, genders and sexual preferences, we are looking for natural born sellers (it is a job after-all), a team player, someone who comes in on time. The same things Macy’s looks for… except you must have an edge, some product knowledge, something we can work with…because we don’t sell sweaters here. We need you to hit the floor running. We need that cool confidence.
I bet you’re nodding your head saying “THAT IS ME!”, then reply to this posting for more info.
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Sadly, I am shaking my head no and furrowing my brow in a half grossed-out, half pitying way.
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