How apropos that I have been assigned to review a book about accessories during fashion week, most of which I have spent strictly wearing solid colors, reading Simone Weil and contemplating the nature of existence (piety is the new black.) The book is infinitely more exciting than the actual coverage of fashion week I have seen (it’s just not wacky enough –– I would tell you my brilliant idea for a photo shoot, but I don’t want to blow up my brother’s and my spot) and, while not a light and happy read about bracelets, does offer some very funny, interesting launchpads to learn about new things. Namely, that the Futurists thought a lot about certain types of accessories:
Futurist Manifesto of the Italian Tie
The painter and sculptor Renato Di Bosso and the poet Ignazio Scurto, assisted by courages young Futurists from the Veneto region, declare an unrelenting, aggressive and ferocious crusade against the noose-like knots of black, gray, and colored ties…
Italians! Abolish knots, bow-ties and all anti-speed, anti-hygienic and anti-optimistic frippery!…
A man’s character is shown by the tie that he wears. Today, in this divine, dynamic, simultaneist motoring age, the character of a man must not be shown by a knot and a piece of material, but by the shine and the purity of metal.
Thus we invite all Italian men to boycott the ordinary tie and wear the Futurist tie, which we launched on March 27th 1933 in Verona.
The Futurist tie, an ANTI-TIE OF HARD-WEARING SHINY LIGHTWEIGHT METAL, is a sign that the wearer possesses flexibility, strength, intelligence, sobriety, solid ideas and an innovative Italian spirit…
The metals used should be between one and two fifths of a millimeter thick and thus be of corresponding minimum weight, while the knot must be completely abolished. It should be a few centimeters in length…
The anti-tie, held in place by a light elastic collar, fully reflects the sun and the blue skies that enrich us as Italians, banishing the melancholy pessimistic look from the breasts of our menfolk.
How ridiculous are those young men and boys who wear ties like diplomats or gloomy notaries. Mothers! Give your sons a bright shiny anti-tie which will inspire them with optimistic original ideas and dreams of light and flight.
Indeed, with the anti-tie, every man, every youth, and every one of our boys will possess that aviator’s look look of which all Italians are worthy.
It is better to be adorned with the sunlit wing of an airplane than with a ridiculous rag…
Futurists! Boycott noose-like knots!
Italians! Dress like virile men and not like those about to be hanged!
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Tee hee! How funny is Futurism? I think it’s because while obviously ridiculous, they take themselves so damn seriously!
Another one, for a night time giggle:
The Futurist Manifesto of the Italian Hat
The much-desired and indispensable revolution in Italian men’s clothing began on September 11th 1914 with the great Futurist painter Giacomo Balla’s famous manifesto, “The Anti-neutral suit.”
[It goes on to say…]
1. We condemn the Nordic use of Black and neutral colors, which bring a muddy stagnant melancholy to the rainy, snowy and foggy streets of the city making it look as if there are enormous logs, boulders, and turtles being swept along in a brown deluge.
2. We condemn that traditional, passatist headgear that is so out of touch with the aesthetics, the practicality, and the speed of our great mechanical civilization. For example, the pretentious top hat that prevents fast movement and attracts funerals.
In August, when the Italian streets are full of blinding light and torrid silence, the black or gray hat of the man in the street drifts above, as dreary as dung.
Color! Color is needed to compete with the sun of Italy
3. We propose the Futurist functionality of the hat, which until today has been of little or no use to Man, but which from this day forth must illuminate him, mark him, take care of him, defend him, make him faster, and cheer him etc.
We will create the following types of hat:
1. The velocity hat (for everyday wear); 2. The night hat (for evening wear); 3. The luxury hat (for parades); 4. The aero-sport hat; 5. the sun hat; 6. The rain hat; 7. The mountain hat; 8. The sea hat; 9. The defense hat; 10. The poetic hat; 11. The advertising hat; 12. The simultaneous hat; 13. The plastic hat; 14. The tactile hat; 15. The signal hat; 16. The sound hat; 17. The radio-telephone hat; 18. The therapeutic hat (resin, camphor, or menthol with a band moderating cosmic waves); 19. The automatic greeting hat (with a system of infra-red rays); 20. The intelligent-making hat for idiots who criticize this manifesto.
They will be made of felt, velvet, straw, cork, lightweight metals, glass, celluloid, compounds, hide, sponge, fiber, neon tubing, etc. either separately or combined.
The colorful nature of these hats will bring the flavor of huge dishes of fruit and the luxury of huge jewelry shops to the streets. The streets at night will be perfumed and illuminated by melodious currents which will destroy forever the tired-out sentimentality for moonlight.
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Up next, by request: more infant fashion blogging!
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