A Pending Project

Addressed to: Nitehawk Cinema, Brooklyn, NY

To Whom It May Concern:

This isn’t a press request, but more of a project proposal, and therefore I apologize for perhaps (probably) sending it to the incorrect address.

Allow me to introduce myself: my name is ID, and I am a writer, sometimes-artist, and publishing assistant based in Brooklyn.  I’ve done some pretty cool things in my day, including but not limited to: live in a bookstore in Paris, appear in a New York Magazine article about the denizens and devotees of the Chelsea Hotel, and hunt Burmese pythons in the Florida Everglades.  None of this is relevant to the idea I’m about to put forward, but I just thought you should know with whom you are dealing.

Last Christmas, at my obligatory family gathering, my younger brothers (ages 23 and 25) and I were discussing the canon of Christmas films, and the standout of this quite substantial genre, A Muppet Christmas Carol.  This movie, like many muppet films, is bitingly clever, touching, and replete with raucous tunes.  Who could forget the narrative genius of Gonzo as “a blue furry Dickens who hangs out with a rat?”  Who could resist joining in with Statler and Waldorf as they sing their theme song, “We’re Marley and Marley (Wooooo!)?”  Who could forget mini-Kermit’s heartbreaking portrayal of Tiny Tim?  In addition to this, the film has a great human dramatic star to boot; anyone who believes that George C. Scott even comes close rivals Michael Caine’s Ebenezer Scrooge deserves to have ghosts visit him in the dead of night and recreate for him all the most painful and humiliating moments in his life.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me: this Hensen classic, like all seminal cult films, deserves its own sing-a-long screening.  This would of course take place in December, though a random mid-summer fete might be hilarious, if that’s better.  From what I can tell, the lyrics to many of the songs are available online, and any holes in the libretto I will personally fill in (the movie is the first in my Amazon movie library for this expressed purpose.)  For this small task, whatever marketing I can help with despite not having a Facebook account, and any additional organization you may need, I would ask for only 1% of profit.  On that note, I don’t think it will be difficult to attract viewers to these limited showings.  The Muppets, as you probably know, are experiencing a renaissance of sorts, what with the release of their movie co-starring an Apatow frat boy and a pretty-young-thing Oscar nominee AND the shout-out to them in perhaps the most buzzed-about New York Times op-ed of the last decade.  Plus, if this one is a success, then there’s always Muppet Treasure Island to follow-up.

I don’t really think I need to say anything else.  As I see it, I’m handing you a big silver platter of GENIUS, and all you need to do is partake.  I can just see the advertisements now: come one, come all to Nitehawk Cinema for an evening of popcorn, songs, beer, and cheer.  (Maybe an eggnog cocktail is in order?)  Costumes not necessarily required, pipes need not be perfectly pitched, but a Christmas spirit definitely in order.

With much love,

ID

—-

Publicist Pamela

Apr 2

 

ID,

This is one of the best emails that I’ve ever received.  Thank you.  We’re forwarding your idea on to John Woods, who heads the programming at Nitehawk.

Best,

Pam

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