Living the Dream

CB, an inventor, and me, a putterer, discuss our professional lives:

CB: anyway, HOW ARE YOU?

ID: I’m ok

I took yesterday and today off to edit

Last night i was up until 5:30 am

not working but stewing

so today has been slow going

CB: ah, geez

yeah, exhaustion is a real bitch

ID: i mean, i would be more sympathetic to myself if i had been up working

but i was just obsessing

that’s all

so it wasn’t helpful

CB: hahaha

obsessing over what?

ID: if the manuscript will come together in the end

CB: i know the feeling

ID: how i’m ever going to finish it

if it sucks

if i suck

etc.

CB: i call those “cliff days”

ID: if the other people in my field who claim to feel self-doubt REALLY feel it

CB: as in you’re standing at the bottom, looking up at the giant cliff

CB: you’re preparing to unveil this thing you’ve created

ID: it’s like a g-ddamn vortex

CB: and it’s terrifying

i can’t tell you how many times i’ve wanted to throw my work in the trash

and pretend like it never happened

ID: totally

i’m like “i know

i’ll buy a one way plane ticket to tulsa

and reinvent myself as a fat administrative assistant at a packaging plant

and no one will ever have to know i had artistic ambitions

CB: hahahahah

well said

ID: maybe i’ll have a cat calendar

and i’ll allow myself to be genuinely emotionally invested in things like the tv show revenge

and we can just forget about all this ambitious nyc baloney”

CB: hahahahahahahaha

ID: i’m going to write a movie

about a woman like that

and someone uncovers her dark past:

she was once a wunderkind painter living on the Bowery

CB: it sounds like a more depressing version of What’s Eating Gilbert Grape

ID: with a few gallery shows to her name

but she cracked under pressure, and took refuge in the dull milieu of the plain states

and then her young male colleague, who discovered her secret through some internet sleuthing, professes his artistic ambitions to her

and they fall in love

and come to terms with their past –– and themselves

tearjerker!

CB: hahahah

what would it be called

ID: hm

good question

i’ll have to muse on the titles

some options:

1. we were once famous

or we were once artists

CB: They Used to Paint

ID: yes

that’s great

they used to paint

starring garrett hedlund and jennifer jason leigh

CB: i could be a parallel character to yours

i throw my inventions in the trash and move to the hills of west virginia

where i fall in love with a savage mountainwoman

ID: based on jodie foster’s nell

CB: and together

we build things WORTH building

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One Response to “Living the Dream”

  1. Sasha Says:

    see: the moon and more, by sarah dessen. You could probably get a copy if, say, you knew someone at Penguin.

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