My Number One Public Service Cause

My Arch Enemy

My Arch Enemy

Okay, so, I don’t have many soapboxes I would want to stand on, but about this I feel very strongly. Perhaps inappropriately so.

I really like this show Intervention on A&E. In all honesty, it’s pretty awful, borderline exploitative, and my enjoyment implies that I get off on voyeurism…which I do, but who doesn’t, really? I like it for two reasons mainly. The first is that it allows me to experience some form of Aristotelian catharsis via observing tragedy, which I think is important for people to do, and the second is that it helps me feel better about myself. Simple, delicious schadenfraude.

The premise of the show, for those who don’t know, is that each episode one, sometimes two drug addicts, bulimics, sex addicts, anyone engaging in addictive, self-destructive behavior, is profiled. They are interviewed, as are their friends and family members (“loved ones” in the Recovery lexicon), and filmed as they go about their daily business (sucking dick for crack, drinking mouthwash to get sloshed, bawling about Inappropriate Touching…you know, your average Tuesday). Little does the addict know that the whole show is leading up to an intervention, in which his/her loved ones will confront the addict and try to get him/her to go to treatment.

Intervention is in its fifth season, and up until this point, they’ve had three main interventionists, but without any explanation, they seemed to have cut two and now rely solely on the third, Ken Seeley, pictured above. And this guy is downright awful. The fact that he exists and does this job pains me every day. The choreography of an intervention is extremely important; getting the addict to a position of complacency is complicated and requires some sleights of hand and carefully chosen words and granted silences. Seeley, however, likes to whip out apocalyptic aphorisms at totally inopportune moments, like when an addict is pushing a little, or seems to be quietly working something out in his/her brain, he’ll say, “You’re going to die, you know that?” or “Do you realize how much this is hurting your family? Tell her the heroin is more important than she is.” It’s like he’s read Interventions for Dummies, took note of some catch phrases and chooses to throw them out when he hasn’t heard his own voice in two minutes. His presence is at once grating and empty; he exudes judgment and criticism, yet he’s also kind of the wimpiest motherfucker ever. You ought to be at least a little afraid of the interventionist. They’re coming in to set the situation STRAIGHT. You want him or her to be able to be stern and authoritative, like Cesar Milan from the Dog Whisperer. I mean, I could beat up Ken Seeley, and I’m a pacifist, that’s how little effort I feel it would take. Listening to his voice, which is still kind of breaking this long after puberty ought to have ended, makes me want to crack skulls. And do meth. Can we IMAGINE Ken Seeley as a methhead?

Bring back Jeff Von Vonderon, I say. He runs a tight ship. He’s a bottom line guy.

Intervention is on A&E Mondays at nine PM. Tonight is a guy who bullied kids at Columbine. Hm, wonder what he has to repress…

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