Unintentional Hilarity

My friend BA and I found a copy of Valerie Solanas’ “SCUM Manifesto” (ManifestA, she should have said) on the street the other day and naturally grabbed it.  I read the whole thing in about an hour and seriously considered just re-typing the whole thing here because it’s pretty goddamn hysterical, but excerpts will have to suffice.  The introduction:

“Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation, and destroy the male sex.

“It is now technically possible to reproduce without the aid of males (or, for that matter, females) and to produce only females.  We must begin immediately to do so.  Retaining the male has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction.  The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that is, has an incomplete set of chromosomes.  In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage.  To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is  a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.”

Tell us how you REALLY feel, Val!

She also includes some really awesome lists, including a list of “acceptable” and “the most obnoxious and harmful types of” males and strategic ways to overthrow the system.  Here is one of my favorite lists, which is ways in which females who “crave absorbing, emotionally satisfying, meaningful activity, but lacking the opportunity or ability for this… prefer to idle and waste away their time”:

“sleeping, shopping, bowling, shooting pool, playing cards and other games, breeding, reading, walking around, daydreaming, eating, playing with themselves, popping pills, going to the movies, getting analyzed, traveling, raising dogs and cats, lolling on the beach, swimming, watching TV, listening to music, decorating their houses, gardening, sewing, nightclubbing, dancing, visiting, “improving their minds” (taking courses), and absorbing “culture” (lectures, plays, concerts, “arty” movies.)

Sometimes I found myself agreeing with Solanas, which is weird for reasons I don’t think I need to delineate.  Here is one example of where I think she has a point:

“Looking inside yourself for salvation, contemplating your navel, is not, as the Drop-Out People would have you believe, the answer.  Happiness lies outside yourself, is achieved through interacting with others.  Self-forgetfulness should be one’s goal, not self-absorption.”

Very Zen of her.

Final point: prostitutes who worked near her in her life post-Warhol-jail-mental hospitals-etc. testified that she “looked elegant and slender, and she always wore a silver lame dress when she worked the street.”  Maybe SHE should be my new style icon.

I wish I could have found a pic of her in silver lame, but this jacket is soooo this season.

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