List of Jobs I Think I Should Have

1. Therapist-patient matchmaker

2. Washing oil off of baby animals affected by oil spills a la that Dawn commercial

3. “cool hunter” (coolhunting.com)

4. Babysitting sequestered jurors

5. bibliotherapist

6. Obituary writer (new favorite)

7. “Phenomenologist”

8. Reading letters sent by readers to various magazines/publications and deciding which ones should be printed

9. Driving the Monsey Trails bus

10. Writing those “36 hours in…” pieces for the Times

11. Night watch person at Greenwood Cemetery

12. Watching movies and transcribing the dialog and then selling the bootlegged scripts on the street

13. Seat filler at the Oscars

14. Performance artist who lies in that wooden bed with a crystal pointed downward made by Marina Abramovic

15. Cat tamer at the Hermitage Museum (you’ve probably seen my cover letter already)

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