One Track Mind

Not to be totally one-track minded about my imminent departure from modern society, but here is a list that my bro and I composed of reasons to hightail it to that little island where that tiny naked Japanese guy lives eating coconuts and smoking cigarettes all day.  I enjoy this.  You don’t have to.  I don’t care.

Reasons to Drop Out of Society –– in Some Particular Order

Me: Media Bistro classes on “Social Media”

IS: Fran Drescher’s fan base

Me: The fact that I got 7 out of 8 correct on the “Olsen Trio” quiz on People.com today.

Me: The fact that people actually get smug when they figure out an answer to a question by Googling it, as if they really have the knowledge.

IS: [included in earlier post] Pet Reiki

Me: Alice Dellal is the new face of Chanel

 

I ain’t asking her shit.

IS: That people are suspicious of you of you aren’t on Facebook

Me: That there is an app you can download with which you can play a virtual game of A&E’s Storage Wars.

IS: The meme “there’s an app for that”

Me: Those commercials for smart phones in which the owners of said phones are bragging about how something is “so five seconds ago” –– obviously the thrust being they know about everything before it happens

IS: As a general theme to that: our culture’s general attitude towards all things NEW: Mesmer

Me: Siri

IS: “Crossover artists”

Me: The fact that Gmail has “personalized advertisements,” and because of our conversation here about the horrors of our society, Gmail thought fit to today post this for me:

搬新家需要转电话号码吗? – http://www.iTalkBB.com – iTalkBB新家庭电话号码随身带,搬家也 不用担心要换电话号码,省钱超过70%

IS: This article.

Me: The fact that episodes of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills aired feature a living, breathing Russell Armstrong after he committed suicide.

IS: The likely probability that the episodes of RHWofBH featuring the since-deceased husband garner the highest viewer rating.

Me: The term “tanorexia”

IS: Dick Clark appearing on the annual “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” post-stroke, slurring his words, and with a bad spray tan.

Me: The movement to add “Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder” to the DSM-V

IS: This.

Me: The fact that Zooey Deschanel’s blog is called Hello Giggles.

Zooey Deschanel.

IS: That President Obama sent a letter to Zooey Deschanel on her birthday.

Me: The fact that there is an outbreak of “mass hysteria” in upstate New York, aka Salem Witch Trials Part Deux: Beelzebub Comes to Ithaca.

Me: The fact that according to Harper’s index, 92% of Americans two years of age and younger have an “online presence.”  The fact that money was spent gathering that statistic.

IS: People who, in a professional context, do not respond to your inquiries for a week, then e-mail you asking if you can show up somewhere within two hours time to do work that THEY want.

Me: The growth of the “adult fantasy” genre of entertainment.

IS: The meme “Shit ______ say”

Me: The meme “Fuck Yeah ______”

IS: the recent New York Times article titled “Young, In Love, and Sharing Everything, Including a Password”

Sorry it’s Monday, and you’re here.

 

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