I have so much anxiety today, and I could only think of one way to quell it: talk about service monkeys.

DC: why is there a dog here?
ID: someone who apparently needs a service dog
DC: i need answers
ID: i know
i keep thinking about service dogs recently
because my friend told me she was seated next to [REDACTED NAME OF FAMOUS MEMOIRIST] at a dinner
and she had a service dog for post 911 ptsd
DC: wow really? that seems like a strange reason to need an animal
what would the dog do?
ID: like, calm one’s anxiety?
DC: my crazy aunt had a service rabbit
ID: i have an overwhelming suspicion that, much like prozac, service dogs are over-prescribed
DC: it supposedly was able to sense when she was about to have a seizure
ID: omg
DC: she was totally insane
ID: could all rabbits do this or was this rabbit like, a seer?
DC: it wore a little cape that said “service animal”
DC: haha yes i can
ID: that is the funniest shit ever
we always tried to make phil get a service monkey
service monkeys are the bomb because they can carry things and get you snacks and stuff
DC: oh absolutely
that’s really the only service animal that makes sense
it has to wear a little diaper though
DC: that’s a downside
ID: this is a service monkey taking a bath
Apparently his name is Blake
DC: Fucking. adorable.

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