New Lows I Have Reached Recently

In the past two weeks I have:

1. Injured my shoulder while SLEEPING

2. Taken a nap during my lunch hour at my boss’ house

3. Not even bothered to hide the Vanity Fair I was flipping through while sitting at my desk

4. Thoughtlessly forwarded an email in which I copped to ogling diamond rings to my boyfriend (who is a champion and only made fun of me for 5 minutes)

5. Touted my own email writing skills (“Seriously, I write the most charming emails.”)

6. Ate two bagels in the course of 15 minutes.

7. Drank a sake bomb (though it took me wayyyy more gulps than it did in college)

8. Read all of three pages of Anna Karenina –– this wall is brutal!  Help me get through it!  I must finish!

9. Stayed in bed until 3 PM –– twice

10. Put my foot in my mouth at least three times –– once when I called the idea for liquor-infused baked goods “gross” in front of a girl who just made them, and once when I made some joke about Staten Island in front of a girl from there.  The first statement I totally retract.  Guinness-infused cupcakes with cream cheese frosting are delicious, so thank you for proving my dumbass self wrong.  The second statement I don’t really take back.  Staten Island is kind of wack, and she was a little too snippy with me even after I told her she could make fun of me for being from Connecticut.  LOTS of material there, I promise you.


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