Captioning Cindy Sherman

My boyfriend and I went to the MoMA yesterday to see the Cindy Sherman show, and I decided to spend my time making up captions in my head for the pictures.  This could be its own Tumblr, but I’m in the mood to keep things simple.

When Myrna awoke from her alcohol-induced coma, she had only vague memories of stumbling into the basement in search of snacks.

Krystal was beginning to get worried –– could she continue to pass off her new spare tire as the result of “too many Twinkies?”

Even though Marina packed to leave him six times a week, Richard never worried. She was such a drama queen.

Yes, Tanya was happy her annulment went through, but somehow she wasn’t quite as light in her step as she had anticipated.

Olga was done cleaning kitchens for rich housewives who took naps with cucumbers on their eyes while she scrubbed. She was going to be an ACTRESS.

After her relationship with the tattoo artist Joe “Psych Ward” Jones ended, Melissa really went off the deep end.

Inez always did the dishes while Todd watched basketball, but that was going to stop.

Jamie didn’t care what her friends said –– she loved partying with her daughter in Boca!

Right at 37th Street, Amy realized that the man had been following her for a good seven minutes.

Some day Rae-Lynn would gather the courage she needed to leave that podunk Nebraska town. Some day…

Annabelle had reigned Meriwether Estate with an iron first, even as the rest of her family left for the city and the house began to crumble around her. Her heart was as hard as the Italian marble used for the steps to the mansion, but a mysterious stranger would soon arrive at the Estate and change it, and Annabelle, forever.

Dammit! Jennifer was always trying to destroy Monica’s buzz!

Lola wanted her love interest, who worked at the docks next door, to notice her, but she didn’t want to seem OBVIOUS.

Esther was afraid to die, and she covered her fear in cashmere.

Misty really turned it on for the Asics people. She just couldn’t understand why her winning smile and her 4th place at the 1976 Olympics didn’t seal the endorsement!

Meredith was just hoping none of the other library patrons would see her reaching for FEAR OF FLYING.

The sex was raunchy and satisfying, but somehow, back at home, it all seemed meaningless to Lara.
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