By request, I’ve decided to recreate one of my most popular posts of last year: quick and dirty reviews of Met Ball looks. This year, I’m using the Cut’s slideshow (which is not to say I didn’t use it last year––I genuinely don’t remember) and I have to say, I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE:
1. Beyonce: Interesting, I admit begrudgingly
2. Taylor Swift: Dancing with the Stars prom-themed reunion show
3. Lupita Nyong’o: so many feelings
4. Kim and Kanye: boring, as always
5. Anna Wintour: ditto
6. The Olsen Twins: Why do I love this?
7. Rihanna: Hashem WHEN WILL THE CROP TOP TREND DIE?
8. Anne Hathaway: the only good example of a CT I’ve seen in ages
9. Gisele: Yet another reminder that perfection is boring
10. Jessica Lange: Hello eyebrow lift
11. Kristen Stewart, I like parts and hate the whole
12. SJP: I am bizarrely underwhelmed
13. Victoria Beckham: WHY IS EVERYONE SO BORING
14. Naomi Campbell: without the cut-outs this would have been awesome in a Liberace sorta way
15. Karlie Kloss: Hate elbow length gloves on women
16. Amber Valletta: THERE ARE NO PANTS AT THE BALL! (name that movie)
17. Katie Holmes: Why kick her when she’s down?
18. Michelle Williams: I feel like I’ve seen her in this a million times before
19. Amy Adams: The first one I’ve actively liked
20. Rita Ora: Who exactly is Rita Ora?
21. Donatella Versace: Hard to look away from that face
22. Nicole Richie: I know I should hate this more than I do, but it reminds me of 8th grade
23. Jourdan Dunn and Toni Garra: Models? I like both. Then again, hard to go wrong when you’re that tall
24. Emma Stone: She looks pretty great
25. Kate Upton: Chiquita Banana, in mourning
26. Cara Delevingne: Michelle Rodriguez was a bad sartorial influence
27. Kirsten Dunst: Oh please
28. Lena Dunham: What I want to say will certainly not be PC
29. Jenna Lyons: AHHHH IT’S A TALL GOLUM
30. Marion Cotillard: Not so bad from this angle, but I think I’d hate it from a different one
31. Solange: Is that a bad toupee?
32. Joy Bryant: Hello 2001?
33. Chloe Sevigny: forgot the gestalt aspect
34. Jessica Pare: Not bad
35. Kristein Wiig: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PANTS
36. Bradley Cooper: skipping stupid boys
37. Shailene Woodley: Disaster
38. Amber Heard: fine, but Johnny Depp looks like Ebenezer Scrooge out on the town
39. Florence Welch: Never change
40. Zoe Saldana: Decent
41. Kate Bosworth: decent, albeit sorta emaciated
42. Stephanie Seymour: Chiquita Banana, at play!
43. Rachel McAdams: too monochrome for her own good
44. Rashida Jones: the ball gown thing doesn’t really work for her
45. Erykah Badu: Pharrell’s hat on steroids
46. Maggie Gyllenhaal: Someone else said it best––a 70s cult leader all dressed up
47. Stella McCartney: Why so glum?
48. Allison Williams: nice
49. Frank Ocean: I think I like him, in general
50. Charlize Theron: lose the jacket
51. Margot Robbie: Oof
52. Miguel: who?
53. Naomi Watts: I’d also like to get rid of this sheer bottom trend thing
54. Claire Danes: I hate it despite the fact that it’s relatively unoffensive
55. Chrissy Teigen: A little strange in the stomach area, but different, so yay?
56. Anna Kendrick: Didn’t she wear this to the Oscars?
57. Emmy Rossum: tablecloth
58. Kate Mara: moss on a rock
59. BOY
60. Chanel Iman: She looks great, but A$AP ROCKY is terrifying
61. Hailee Steinfeld: Um. It’s not doing anything for me.
62. Blake Lively: The usual Barbie fare
63. Elizabeth Olsen: Toddlers & Tiaras (although I dig the shoes)
64. Sarah Silverman: I cannot deal with her in this context
65. Christy Turlington: Well done
66. Rosamund Pike: No
67. Donna Karan: diaphanous ain’t working for her
68. Reese Witherspoon: Yeah I like it
69. Joan Smalls: The lipstick would have worked LAST YEAR
70.Karolina Kurkova: Very… large
71. Adele Exarchopoulos: I didn’t even recognize her. Hm. I need to think about this.
72. Bee Shaffer: Alright
73. Dee Hilfiger: Poorly executed Mad Men reference?
74. Fei Fei Sun, Marina Rust, Tori Burch: Okay for the first two, I take back what I said re: gloves. Tori, on the other hand, looks matronly.
75. Karen Elson: Kinda love it.
76. Maggie Q: Who?
77. BOY
78. Alexa Chung: I am positive I would have loved this when I was 21
79. Chloe Grace Moretz: I am rooting for this kid, really
80. Amanda Peet: Makes her look dumpy. Which is… crazy.
81. Robin Deardon: Fine
82. Zooey Deschanel: Too prom-y
83. Sofia Coppola: I don’t hate this!
84. Diane Kruger: Nice, but a little old for her?
85. Janelle Monae: Hipster matador
86. DUDE
87. Greta Gerwig: UUUUUUGHHHH
88. Felicity Jones: Coulda used some make-up?
89. Kendall Jenner: I respectfully decline to recognize her existence
90. Natalie Massenet: Her torso looks like book pages flapping in the wind
91. Jessica Alba: Makes her look pregnant, oddly
92. MEN (ish)
93. Lily Allen: Hate. Loathe. Despise.
94. Oh I just can’t
95. Lake Bell: She looks bomb.
96. Elettra Wiedemann: They spelled her last name wrong. That’s all I’ve got.
97. GUGU!?
98. Olivia Munn: Would have been better with slightly less tit
99. Riley Keough: Disqualified for pants
100. Fabiola Beracasa: Uh, sure. Not wild about the color but everything else is pretty glam.
101. Lea Michele: A poor man’s Amy Adams in American Hustle
102. Catherine Martin: Delightfully wacky
103. Kylie Minogue: Yawn
104. Zoe Kravitz: I can actually SEE YOUR VAGINA
105. Hayden Panettiere: Prom in Palm Beach
106.Elaina Watley: I don’t know who this is, and I never want to see her dress again.
107. Leighton Meester: I don’t hate this.
108. Laetitia Casta: Hm. Interesting. The cut on top is a little dumpy but otherwise not bad.
109. Ruth Wilson: I like her face?
110. Selena Gomez: She dresses like a 47 year old
111. Lily Aldridge: She is as exciting to me as Melba toast
112. Ming Xi: My lord she is slim
113. Michelle Monaghan: You go, Maggie!
114. Julie Macklowe: It’s so bright.
115. Ivanka Trump: Rivals #114 for worst color
116. BOY
117. Dree Hemingway: I’ve stayed up since I saw this trying to decipher how I feel about it
118. Imogen Poots: Her last name sounds like how I feel about this dress
119. Livia Guggioli: Orange and black––bold idea
120. Dianna Agron: Feh
121. Georgia May Jagger: My lesbian crush looks awesome
122. Suki Waterhouse: Looks way skinner than she did last week, eh? Dress is fine?
123. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Yeah, okay, I’m into it!
124. Liu Wen: A
125. Dita Von Teese: the mermaid tail is amazing
126. Katie Couric: Does nothing for her
127. Emily Cole: Is that his daughter? That’s as much enthusiasm as I can muster
128. Giovanna Battaglia: Looks like it’s going to fall off
129. Gabrielle Union: Burn this
130. BOY
131. Dakota Johnson: Do we just have to lie down and take her fame now?
132. Brie Larson: Clown with a spending problem. Or something. PLEASE KILL ME.
133. Stacy Martin: Man, what a person with a teaspoon of fashion sense could do with her body. Sigh.
134. LaLa Anthony: WOAH
135. Sandra Lee: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
136. Arizona Muse: Yep, awesome
137. Aerin Lauder: Is it weird that I keep thinking about how old we’re all getting?
138. Tabitha Simmons: Interesting but it sort of makes her look… stout?
139. BOY
140. Nancy Chilton: I should know who this is
141. Oof, Anna Wintour’s son looks… not cute
142. BOY
143. Coco Brandolini and Bianca Brandolini: They look just like the D&G ads?
144. Idina Menzel: Lea Michele made bigger
145. Selby Drummond: Thoughtful, at least?
146. Hannah Bagshawe: LIPSTICK: wear it.
147. Sandrina Bencomo: Don’t like the hoop at the waist, but it seems like it would be hard for her to look really horrible.
OMG That was painful. Off to have a morning martini…
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