Archive for June, 2009

Image Craving

June 19, 2009

italian_vogue_3

Hypothesis

June 18, 2009

Audra: i feel like sometimes if i had just done the complete opposite of what i wanted to do i would end up better off

me: TOTALLY
Audra: so, decide what you want to do and then do the opposite
experiment and let me know if my theory has any …merit?
me: sure
Stay tuned for results…

Jenny Holzer Truisms from “Survival” (1983-1985)

June 15, 2009

…which I will let speak for themselves…

YOU ARE TRAPPED ON THE EARTH SO YOU WILL EXPLODE

WHAT URGE WILL SAVE US NOW THAT SEX WON'T?

PUT FOOD OUT IN THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAY AND TALK TO THE PEOPLE WHO COME TO EAT AND ORGANIZE THEM

SAVOR KINDNESS BECAUSE CRUELTY IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE LATER

DANCE ON DOWN TO THE GOVERNMENT AND TELL THEM YOU'RE EAGER TO RULE BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU

THE BREAKDOWN COMES WHEN YOU STOP CONTROLLING YOURSELF AND WANT THE RELEASE OF A BLOODBATH

SPIT ALL OVER SOMEONE WITH A MOUTHFUL OF MILK IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT HIS PERSONALITY FAST

MOTHERS WITH REASONS TO SOB SHOULD DO IT IN GROUPS IN PUBLIC AND WAIT FOR OFFERS

OUTER SPACE IS WHERE YOU DISCOVER WONDER AND WHERE YOU FIGHT AND NEVER HURT EARTH IF YOU STOP BELIEVING THIS YOUR MOOD TURNS UGLY

DIE FAST AND QUIET WHEN THEY INTERROGATE YOU OR LIVE SO LONG THAT THEY ARE ASHAMED TO HURT YOU ANYMORE

IF YOU HAD BEHAVED NICELY THE COMMUNISTS WOULDN'T EXIST

TRUST VISIONS THAT DON'T FEATURE BUCKETS OF BLOOD

IN A DREAM YOU SAW A WAY TO SURVIVE AND YOU WERE FULL OF JOY

IF YOU'RE CONSIDERED USELESS NO ONE WILL FEED YOU ANYMORE

WHEN YOU EXPECT FAIR PLAY YOU CREATE AN INFECTIOUS BUBBLE OF MADNESS AROUND YOU

YOU ARE SO COMPLEX THAT YOU DON'T ALWAYS RESPOND TO DANGER

MEN DON'T PROTECT YOU ANYMORE

WITH ALL THE HOLES IN YOU ALREADY THERE'S NO REASON TO DEFINE THE OUTSIDE ENVIRONMENT AS ALIEN

WHEN SOMEONE BEATS YOU WITH A FLASHLIGHT YOU MAKE LIGHT SHINE IN ALL DIRECTIONS

FINDING EXTREME PLEASURE WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON IF YOU'RE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT THRILLS YOU

USE A STUN GUN WHEN THE PERSON COMING AT YOU HAS A GOOD EXCUSE

IT IS IN YOUR SELF-INTEREST TO FIND A WAY TO BE VERY TENDER

THE BEGINNING OF THE WAR WILL BE SECRET

THE CONVERSATION ALWAYS TURNS TO LIVING LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE FUN

WHAT COUNTRY SHOULD YOU ADOPT IF YOU HATE POOR PEOPLE?

USE WHAT IS DOMINANT IN A CULTURE TO CHANGE IT QUICKLY

PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT

YOU ARE CAUGHT THINKING ABOUT KILLING ANYONE YOU WANT

IT'S HARD TO KNOW IF YOU'RE CRAZY IF YOU FEEL YOU'RE IN DANGER ALL THE TIME NOW

YOU CAN'T REACH THE PEOPLE WHO CAN KILL YOU ANY TIME SO YOU HAVE TO GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT WHAT TO DO

THE FUTURE IS STUPID

HIDE UNDER WATER OR ANYWHERE SO UNDISTURBED YOU FEEL THE JERK OF PLEASURE WHEN AN IDEA COMES

SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY IS A PLACE FOR YOUR MIND TO GO

WHEN THERE'S NO SAFE PLACE TO SLEEP YOU'RE TIRED FROM WALKING ALL DAY AND EXHAUSTED FROM THE NIGHT BECAUSE IT'S TWICE AS DANGEROUS THEN

IT'S EASY TO GET MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ON EVERY CONTINENT TO PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO EATING AND EQUAL OPPORTUNITY

GO WHERE PEOPLE SLEEP AND SEE IF THEY'RE SAFE

HANDS ON YOUR BREAST CAN KEEP YOUR HEART BEATING

TURN SOFT AND LOVELY ANY TIME YOU HAVE A CHANCE

IT IS FUN TO WALK CARELESSLY IN A DEATH ZONE

YOU LIVE THE SURPRISE RESULTS OF OLD PLANS

LET YOUR HAND WANDER ON THE FLESH TO MAKE POSSIBILITY MULTIPLY

IT IS EMBARRASSING TO BE CAUGHT AND KILLED FOR STUPID REASONS

SHOOT INTO INFINITE SPACE TO HIT A TARGET IN TIME AND CALL IT INEVITABLE

YOU HOVER NEAR LOVELY UNCONSCIOUS LIFE-FORMS THAT OFFER NO IMMEDIATE RESISTANCE

PEOPLE LOOK LIKE THEY ARE DANCING BEFORE THEY LOVE

BODIES LIE IN THE BRIGHT GRASS AND SOME ARE MURDERED AND SOME ARE PICNICKING

SILLY HOLES IN PEOPLE ARE FOR BREEDING OR ARE FROM SHOOTING

YOUR MODERN FACE SCANS THE SURPRISE ENDING

A Poem, by I.D.

June 15, 2009

I am on an airplane
The TV screens are flashing white every five seconds or so
And I fear I will have a seizuofpoapwierpfoadisjrfieosoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Overrated Things

June 11, 2009

San Francisco

Community Service

Skiing

Jobs

Emotions

Rationality/Intelligence

Sample Sales

Encores/standing ovations

Cocaine

One night stands

Purell

Angelina Jolie

Postal Service (the band, not the actual U.S. Postal Service)

Compliments

Thanksgiving

Lot 228/Sale 2020

June 11, 2009

I have a very meticulously maintained list of my style icons, past and present, one of which is the bombass sixties/seventies fashion model Penelope Tree. Penelope had quite the late-sixties life: she lived in a trippy London townhouse with photographer David Bailey (upon whom the protagonist in the fantastic Antonioni film Blow-Up was based), played a lot of I-Ching in their purple living room, experimented with heavy eye make-up and was described by John Lennon as, “Hot, hot, hot, smart, smart, smart!”

Tree, from the Top

Tree, from the Top

Any way, Penelope’s first professional portrait was taken by the well-known chronicler of the bizarre, peripheral and deformed, Diane Arbus. Legend has it that Arbus took Penelope’s portrait when she was a tender thirteen years old, and her aristocratic parents threatened to sue if the pictures were ever released.

For years, I have been searching for this picture, fantasizing about the aesthetic orgasm I might have if I saw the product of the collaboration of two complete weirdos. And by searching, I really mean “Google Imaging.” Today, I gave it a shot again, and for some reason, this time I found it no problem! (I am aware of my technological limits, so please spare me. I figured out how to get pictures in this shit, didn’t I?) Turns out Ms. Tree’s photo sold for $15,000 (estimated price prior to auction: 6-8 thou) at Christie’s in April 2008. Just a wee bit out of my price range.

Tree in her living room, photographed by Diane Arbus.

Tree in her living room, photographed by Diane Arbus.

A Good Day Subtitled: Plagiarism?

June 11, 2009

While reading “Daumier” a short story by Donald Barthelme:

“A man was swearing fine-sounding swearwords at a small yellow motorcar of Italian extraction, the same having joined its bumper to another bumper, the two bumpers intertangling like shameless lovers in the act of love.”

From my own writing:

“Slowly, slowly the two cars, now joined together like lovers dancing, move toward the sidewalk right where I am standing, frozen. Next to me stands an elderly Italian tourist couple. The woman gasps as she watches the two vehicles inch towards the horse and buggy that is positioned between us and the cars.”

Gadsby

June 10, 2009

This is a link to the book written entirely without the letter “e.” It’s actually sort of nauseating to read, which makes me think about biochemistry.

http://www.spinelessbooks.com/gadsby/

The Shortest Poem in the English Language (Allegedly)

June 10, 2009

“Hope is dope.” ~Ogden Nash

Driving in my Minivan

June 9, 2009

You know the pop music industry is in trouble when someone samples “Blue (Ba Ba Dee Ba Ba Die I Want To Die I Could Flyafewopifjdpsodfija)” by Eiffel 65.