Archive for October, 2009

Macabre Little Errand!

October 20, 2009

My boss is being interviewed by the New York Times right now, and the writer, RB, just said that he once went on assignment with a writer colleague to Brazil to find Mengele’s bones!  Aw hell naw!


October 19, 2009

My roommate’s birthday was a little while ago, and so I wrote her a Questionnaire/Poem, because she told me once she used to write them for herself when she was a child and fill them out.  It’s sort of fun!  Send your answers back to me and I will respond with an essay (minimum three pages) detailing your psychological make-up, sexual proclivities and chances of dying in a natural disaster.

For L, On Her Twenty-Sixth Birthday

A little poem/game I like to call

A or B

Please circle one of the following:

1.     black        or    white
2.    day        or    night
3.    up        or    down
4.    chocolate    or    vanilla
5.    fiction        or    nonfiction
6.    early        or    late
7.    fur        or    leather
8.    hot        or    cold
9.    empty        or    full
10.    the chicken    or    the egg
11.    my way     or    the highway
12.    walk        or    talk
13.    big        or    little
14.    Ben Affleck    or    Matt Damon
15.    city mouse    or    country mouse
16.    fat        or    thin
17.    whiskey    or     rum
18.    the long     or    short of it
19.    diamonds    or    pearls
20.    spring        or     summer
21.     stop        or    go
22.    nurture        or    nature
23.    left         or     right
24.    DVD        or    VHS
25.    sweet        or     salty
26.    life        or    death
27.    rock        or    hard place
28.    same        or     different
29.    French        or    Spanish
30.    top        or    bottom
31.    bed        or    breakfast
32.    winter        or    fall
33.    child        or    adult
34.    apple        or    orange
35.    World War I    or    World War II
36.    Chinese    or    Japanese
37.    rich        or    poor
38.    east        or    west
39.    fork        or    spoon
40.    crossword    or    Sudoko
41.    haiku        or    epic
42.    oil        or    watercolors
43.    salt        or    pepper
44.    coffee        or    tea
45.    cash        or    credit
46.    burial        or    cremation
47.    meth        or    crack
48.    in the body     or    attachment
49.    work        or    play
50.    book        or    movie
51.    silver        or    gold
52.    silence        or    noise
53.    crazy        or    sane
54.    round        or    square
55.    feast        or    famine
56.    war        or    peace
57.    The Beatles    or    The Rolling Stones
58.    Freud        or    Jung
59.    laughter    or    tears
60.    Yankees    or    Mets
61.    ballet        or     modern dance
62.    socialism    or    capitalism
63.    style        or    substance
64.    ocean        or    lake
65.    baroque    or    modern
66.    yourself    or    someone else
67.    caterpillar    or    butterfly
68.    blood        or    sweat
69.    moon        or    sun
70.    toasted        or    untoasted
71.    religious    or    secular
72.    butter        or     jelly
73.    rhythm     or    blues
74.    birds        or    bees
75.    walk        or    bicycle
76.    Los Angeles    or    New York
77.    the past    or    the present
78.    love        or    hate
79.    slap        or    pinch
80.    easy        or    difficult
81.    gay        or    straight
82.    water        or    wine
83.    fingers        or    toes
84.    shower        or    bath
85.    Superman    or    Batman
86.    stars        or    stripes
87.    meat         or    potatoes
88.    North Pole    or    South Pole
89.    Cinderella    or    Sleeping Beauty
90.    question    or    answer
91.    dumb        or    dumber
92.    taste        or    touch
93.    can        or    bottle
94.    dirty        or    clean
95.    paper        or    plastic
96.    tattoos        or    piercings
97.    cook        or    delivery
98.    grateful    or    dead
99.    fate        or    chance
100.    beginning    or    end?

Failure is Exciting!

October 19, 2009

So I actually got a rejection letter from The New Yorker! I feel kind of fortunate, as their website specifies…

“Although we do read all submissions, we cannot respond to them individually or return them.”

And yet!

“Dear ID,

We’re sorry to say that your piece wasn’t right for us, despite its evident merit and humor. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to consider your work.

Best regards,
The Shouts Dept.”

And you know what? I think they’re being HONEST! It is fucking humorous and displays merit, but it’s a love letter to a heartthrob actor, so not really their audience. Perhaps if it was a love letter to (one of) my intellectual soulmate(s)???

I Luv GWS Trow!

I Luv GWS Trow!

The Tao says, PS, “Accept great misfortune as your own self.”


October 18, 2009


“I have heard that staring is a predator’s first weapon…

“A moth saw a flame and thought what it saw was its heart and it said, “What is my heart doing over there, away from me?”  And believing that it could not be whole without an organ it had never even used, the moth dove toward it, hoping to reabsorb it in open surgery, but instead there was a sound as empty as a lit match extinguished on water and in an instant the heart that had stood away from the moth became the central unimagined ecstasy the moth couldn’t live without…

“I pay you money so that we may share this kind of history…”

Thalia Field, A [three dots signifying “therefore”] I


October 16, 2009

There is something really eerie, Trow-ish about this question I was just asked when purchasing movie tickets online…

A portion of Brown Paper Tickets profits is given back to the communities we serve. You can help decide where the money from this sale goes by choosing a recipient category.
This sale should benefit:

A) Animals

B) Children

C) Environment

D) Human Rights

Why does this frighten me so!?!?


October 14, 2009

I’m an unabashed Francophile, btw…

BA: I have a boyfriend for you

He is two

He is French and he loves to scream, “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

and he is the grandson of a former French president


BA: french aristocratic baby soulmate


Be Still My Heart!

October 14, 2009

“Thought Problem”

by Vijay Seshadri

The New Yorker, October 12, 2009

How strange would it be if you met yourself on the street?

How strange if you liked yourself,

took yourself in your arms, married your own self,

propagated by techniques known only to you,

and then populated the world? Replicas of you are everywhere.

Some are Arabs. Some are Jews. Some live in yurts. It is

an abomination, but better that your

sweet and scrupulously neat self

emerges at many points on the earth to watch the horned moon rise

than all those dolts out there,

turning into pillars of salt wherever we look.

If we have to have people, let them be you,

spritzing your geraniums, driving yourself to the haberdashery,

killing your supper with a blowgun.

Yes, only in the forest do you feel at peace,

up in the branches and down in the terrific gorges,

but you’ve seen through everything else.

You’ve fled in terror across the frozen lake,

you’ve found yourself in the sand, the palace,

the prison, the dockside stews;

and long ago, on this same planet, you came home

to an empty house, poured a Scotch-and-soda,

and sat in a recliner in the unlit rumpus room,

puzzled at what became of you.

Words Of Which I Always Forget the Meanings

October 14, 2009

…or get oh-so-slightly wrong.











Do They Offer Scholarships?

October 13, 2009

I kind of have a thing for kitschy psych schools of the seventies…kitschy is so not the right word here but humor me.

The Original!

The Original!

“A thirty-year-old man, whom I shall call Gary Hillard, was relating with great feeling how his parents had always criticized him, had never loved him, and had generally messed up his life. I urged him to call out for them; he demurred. He “knew” that they didn’t love him, so what was the point? I asked him to indulge my whim. Halfheartedly, he started calling for Mommy and Daddy. Soon I noticed he was breathing faster and deeper. His calling turned into an involuntary act that led to writhing, near-convulsions, and finally to a scream.

“Both of us were shocked. What I had believed was an accident, an idiosyncratic reaction of one patient, had just been repeated in almost identical fashion.

“Afterward, when he quieted down, Gary was flooded with insights. He told me that his whole life seemed to have suddenly fallen into place. This ordinarily unsophisticated man began transforming himself in front of my eyes into what was virtually another human being. He became alert; his sensorium opened up; he seemed to understand himself.

“Because of the similarities of the two reactions, I began listening even more carefully to the tapes I had made of Danny’s and Gary’s sessions. I tried to analyze what common factors or techniques produced the reactions. Slowly some meaning began to emerge. Over the next months I tried various modifications and approaches in asking the patient to call for his parents. Each time there occurred the same dramatic results.

“I have come to regard that scream as the product of central and universal pains which reside in all neurotics. I call them Primal Pains because they are the original, early hurts upon which all later neurosis is built. It is my contention that these pains exist in every neurotic each minute of his later life, irrespective of the form of his neurosis. These pains often are not consciously felt because they are diffused throughout the entire system where they affect body organs, muscles, the blood and lymph system and, finally, the distorted way we behave.

“Primal Therapy is aimed at eradicating these pains. It is revolutionary because it involves overthrowing the neurotic system by a forceful upheaval. Nothing short of that will eliminate neurosis, in my opinion.

“Primal Theory is an outgrowth of my observations about why specific changes take place. Theory, I must emphasize, did not precede clinical experience. When I watched Danny and Gary writhing on the floor in the throes of Primal Pain, I had no idea what to call it. The theory has been expanded and deepened by the continuing reports of one patient after another who has been cured of neurosis. This book is an invitation to explore the revolution they began.”

– from The Primal Scream by Dr. Arthur Janov, 1970

In My Next Life…

October 12, 2009
I want to be a goldfish!

I want to be a goldfish!