Itinerantdaughter's Blog

I’ve owned –– and lost –– the above title at least three times.  Once was decidedly not my fault, and this last time, I think, was the working of a spiteful G-d, as I distinctly remember having the book in my bed, rejoicing at having been reunited with the slim volume, and then POOF!  A day later it was gone, having, it only stands to reason, evaporated into thin air.  It’s always upsetting to me to live without this book, as I like to re-read it once a month, if I can, to re-educate myself of the wisdom contained within.  For me, it is a kind of prayer book, and I like to pick it up and read certain arbitrary sections the same way that I do the Tao or the writings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

But enough about me and codependency…

In WTCONC, Trow paints a brief portrait of a young woman named Andrea Whips, a “minor Warhol star” who used to put on impromptu performances in the back room of Max’s Kansas City.  In these performances, she would stand on a table and say one phrase over and over again –– Trow’s example was “She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes” –– each time stressing a different word, or moving in a specific way to the incantation, hiking up her skirt on “she’ll” or lifting up her arms slowly on “mountain.”  She ended up committing suicide, but I think I learned that via Patti Smith, and not Trow.

About a year ago, I was doing transcription work for a documentary film company that was working on a movie about Marilyn Monroe.  The filmmakers had hired a number of famous actresses to read sections of Monroe’s diary, but for whatever reason, the director of the documentary had instructed these actresses that if they messed up, they should start the sentence over again instead of running through the rest of the monologue and redoing it in another take.  I listened to hours of these tapes, the actresses repeating the often nonsensical, always haunting speeches of this troubled, sad woman, and I kept thinking about Andrea Whips.

“Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs so loose –– girdle hangs light.  Actress must have no mouth, shoulder.  Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs light, so loose.  Everything focused on the partner, feeling in the ends of my fingers.

“Actress, actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Everything, though –– actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs light, so loose.  Everything focused on partner.  Feeling in the ends of my fingers.

“Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs light, so loose.  Everything focused on partner.  Feelings in the end of my fingers.  Actress must have no mouth, no feet –– actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs light, so loose.  Everything focused on partner, feelings in the end of my fingers.

“Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs loo… Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Actress… actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs loose, so… no.

“Actress must have no mouth, feet, shoulder.  Girdle hangs light, so loose.  Everything focused on the partner, feelings in the ends of my fingers.”

This is really all there is to this story.

I can write.

My mind is still brilliant.

That masturbation is no sin or crime.

That I do not need to have ulcers anymore.

That I am fortunate in losing Polly and my parents, for they never meant well by me.

That I believe in my gods and spiritual things.

That my magical work is powerful and effective.

That the numbers 7, 25 and 16 are not unlucky or evil for me.

That I am not bad to look upon.

That I am not susceptible to colds.

That Sara is always beautiful to me.

That these words and commands are like fire and will sear themselves into every corner of my being, making me happy and well and confident forever!

~ From Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood and Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright

“As for literature, studies indicate that an astonishing percentage, perhaps a vast majority, of serious writers are depressives. Researchers have speculated on the cause of that con-nection –– does depression put one in touch with important issues, of deterioration and loss? But no one has asked what it means for us as a culture or even as a species that our unacknowledged legislators suffer from mood disorders, or something like. If there is no inherent moral distinction between melancholy and sanguinity, then we will need to worry about the association between creativity and mood. What if there is a consistent bias in the intellectual assessment of the good life or the wise perspective on life, an inherent bias against sanguinity hidden (and apparent) in philosophy and art?

“An argument of this sort is worrisome –– more worrisome than the conundrum we began with. And yet can we in good faith ignore the question of who sets the values? I have been in effect proposing still another thought experiment: Imagine a medication that diminishes the extremes of emotional response to loss, imparting the resilience already enjoyed by those with an even, sunny disposition. What would be the central philosophical questions in a culture where the use of this medication is widespread?

“Aesthetic values do change in the light of changing views of health and illness. Elsewhere, I have asked why we are no longer charmed by suicidal melancholics –– Goethe’s Werther or Chateaubriand’s Rene or Chekov’s Ivanov. Because we see major depression and affectively driven personality disorders as medically pathologic, what once exemplified authenticity now looks like immaturity or illness –– as if the romantic writers had made a category error.

“A final thought experiment: Imagine that the association between melancholy and literary talent is based on a random commonality of cause: the genes for both cluster, say, side by side on a chromosome. And let us further imagine a culture in which melancholy, now clearly separate from creativity, is treated pharmacologically on a routine basis. In this culture, it is the melancholics manques who write, melancholics rendered sanguine –– so that the received notions of beauty and intimacy and nobility of character relate to bravado, decisiveness, and connections to social groups, not in the manner of false cheerleading, but au-thentically, from the creative well-springs of the optimistic.

“What would be the notion of authenticity under such conditions? Perhaps in such a culture “strong evaluation” would find psychic resilience superior to alienation. Even today, many a melancholic looks at Panurge or Tom Jones with admiration –– how marvelous to face the world with appetite! The notion of a sanguine culture horrifies those of us resonant with an aesthetics of melancholy, but morally, is such a culture inferior, assuming its art corresponds to the psychic reality? Is there a principled basis for linking melancholy to authenticity? Is there a moral hierarchy of temperaments?”

~ Peter D. Kramer, “The Valorization of Alienation and the Melancholic Temperament”

“I promise to be disappointed by you and you alone. I promise to make you the sole repository of my regrets, rather than distribute them widely through multiple affairs and a life of sexual Don Juanism. I have surveyed the different options for unhappiness, and it is you I have chosen to commit myself to.”

~ Alain de Botton, How to Think More About Sex

I did the Polar Bear Plunge yesterday, and while it was awesome, I’m pretty sure my brain is still a little scrambled from the experience, so I can’t really do any heavy intellectual lifting today.  Instead, I give you an excerpt from a book by Bernarr MacFadden, founder of the Polar Bear Club, fitness guru, and author of many books including Muscular Power & Beauty, The Miracle of Milk and my personal favorite, Hair Culture.  (As far as I can tell, there were some good things to come up of my dip in the ocean yesterday, but clarity of mind was NOT one of them.)  The below excerpt is, fittingly, about the benefits of a dip in cold water from Vitality Supreme, which is available to download for free from the Bernarr MacFadden fan site.

“Many who enjoy a cold bath are inclined to stay in the water too long. In this way one may deprive himself of

some of the benefits that might be derived therefrom. It is safer to limit the cold bath to a short period. The chief

value lies in the reaction. If this is secured then all is well. The first effect of the cold water is to contract the tissues

at the surface of the body, including the blood vessels, thus forcing the blood away from the skin. In the reaction

the blood is brought back to the surface in large quantities, producing the glow that is noticed after a successful

cold bath. After a short plunge or quick shower this reaction should be secured. By staying in the water too long

one may overtax his vitality and become chilled. When taking a plunge simply allow the water to come in contact

with all parts of the body; then immediately get out.”

–– Bernarr MacFadden, Vitality Supreme

Seriously: how does one JOIN Anonymous?  Is there a sign-up sheet or something?  BTW, I’m spending my afternoon signing up various members of the Westboro Baptist Church for Grindr newsletters and Metropolitan Opera emails (that doesn’t sound so bad, but that shit comes EVERY. SINGLE. HOUR.)