Archive for the ‘Fashion Blogging for Toddlers’ Category

Memorabilia

March 22, 2012

Sometimes people need reminders of things, and sometimes the things they need reminders of seem a little sick, to others.  Many people I know who have spent a lot of time in hospitals –– myself included –– have a fetishistic attraction to hospital paraphernalia, i.e. bracelets, scrubs, really thin, rough bedsheets, IV poles, etc. etc.  There’s a certain kind of coziness that comes with feeling so trapped and heavily monitored, perhaps, and when we’re adrift in the universe, going to our jobs, living our banal and yet terrifying lives, the idea of being strapped to a gurney seems rather enjoyable.  (Perhaps, in your spare time, try to connect this argument to the 90s club kid trend of wearing pacifiers around one’s neck.)  I have an interactive art piece in the works about this desire-for-incarceration phenomenon, but for now, here’s a genius bracelet from Cast of Vices, an LA-based jewelry maker who defines their work in the following paragraph:

“BORN FROM A DESIRE TO CREATE ARTIFACTS OUT OF OUR VICES, CAST OF VICES CELEBRATES THE INHERENT DESIGN AESTHETIC OF THESE SUBSTANCES WHILE AT THE SAME TIME CASTING A CRITICAL EYE ON POP CULTURE AND OUR OBESSION WITH SELF-MEDICATION AND ADDICTION.

WHEN OUR ROME FALLS THESE WILL BE OUR REMAINS: CIGARETTE BUTTS, PILLS, BOTTLE CAPS, AND COKE BAGS.”

I’m categorizing this under “Buy Me This!” but a friend of mine just asked me via email “out of curiosity” what color bracelet I like best, so don’t put it on your list of things to procure for me just yet –– I think I may be gifted one in the near future.

Self-Mutilation With Pearls

March 8, 2012

This beautiful picture of models in the recent Chanel show…

They also make pearl bobby pins (Chanel does, that is) and you should buy them for me.

Reminds me of a favorite story of mine, that I once posted here… an excerpt, for your continued enjoyment:

I left town for 6 months, bummed around, came back. I had never forgotten Cass, but we’d had some type of argument and I felt like moving anyhow, and when I got back I figured she’d be gone, but I had been sitting in the West End Bar about 30 minutes when she walked in and sat down next to me.

“Well, bastard, I see you’ve come back.”

I ordered her a drink. Then I looked at her. She had on a high- necked dress. I had never seen her in one of those. And under each eye, driven in, were 2 pins with glass heads. All you could see were the heads of the pins, but the pins were driven down into her face.

“God damn you, still trying to destroy your beauty, eh?”

“No, it’s the fad, you fool.”

“You’re crazy.”

(Charles Bukowski)

Too Drunk To Post

February 29, 2012

I don’t like to write even one word when I’ve had one sip of alcohol, so I’ll hold off on my musings about guilt, religious and other, until tomorrow as I’ve had three Stella Artois(es?), and instead post this quickly-dating picture of Cory Kennedy looking like an absolute fuckwreck at Fashion Week in NYC.

Guess which one, if you don't already know?

I always knew that inside mess would make its way out, CK.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

February 14, 2012

If you really love me, you’ll know not to buy me these pants.

I am ashamed of whomever designed these.

AHHHHH

February 10, 2012

Okay so I know I’ve been annoying you with stupid thoughtlets and re-tweeted re-blogged regurgitated bullshit, but SERIOUSLY GUYS THIS WAS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP!!!

OMMMMMMMMMMMG STOP IT!!!!!

New Category Alert!

February 4, 2012

There is now a category called “Buy Me This!”

This category will keep a record of things that I like so that when I develop a freakishly devoted fan base a la 30 Seconds to Mars (who knew?!) they will shower me with expensive and ridiculous gifts, such as these $1600 shoes, which I will wear when I feel like rendering annoying men impotent.

Youch!

Sartorial Dilemma

January 26, 2012

JK from Brooklyn writes:

“What does one wear to a shanty town?”

Some background: J is departing tomorrow to visit a shanty town in South Africa.  See visual aid below.

That's my house on the right.

And so JK has come to me, queen of odd clothing dilemmas (what do I wear to meet a guru?  To attend an ancient, barbaric Jewish ritual in which you swing live chickens over your head?  To stalk an aging miniature poet and endear yourself to him?) to ask for my advice.  Well, first questions first: weather.  Looks like the next few days in South Africa are going to be high seventies/low eighties with a chance of rain and mildly repressed racism.  In that case, I would recommend the following:

Grubby sneakers or work boots (open-toed shoes = dirty feet)

short sleeved white shirts, linen white button downs

slouchy hippie pants of some sort –– not fancy bougie harem pants but something one might have worn to a Phish show in high school when you were into that (not me!)

maybe a head scarf or bandana (check to make sure certain colors don’t mean allegiances to certain shanty gangs)

little to no jewelry whatsoever

ray-bans, or other aviators, that say, “I’m one of those people who cares about the world but also enough about myself to maintain a stylish appearance.”

a saintly aura with a streak of creativeness

***

Other than the ray-bans, all clothing should be earth-toned –– beige, brown, ecru, etc.  I would say challenge yourself to pack as few items as possible.  AND IN THE NAME OF GOD, NO PASTELS!

Fuck the Recession/Recovery/Whatever We’re Calling Our Dismal Economic State Now

January 20, 2012

I want this crocodile-print leather coffee cup holder from Jimmy Choo, and I DESERVE IT, DAMMIT!

Guessing Game

December 4, 2011

Too hungover/busy to write anything of value here (I should be so bold!) so let’s play a little game I’ve coopted from People magazine.

What celebrity is this as a child?

Don’t cheat and hold your mouse on the picture!  Your victory will be hollow and your soul will have to live with your lie.

Quelle beaute!

Also, her outfit, her hair, the teddy –– everything is just WORKING for her.

Random Sartorial Thoughts Thursday

December 1, 2011

1. I have bed bugs.  I admit it.  It’s horrendous.  While packing away all my clothing and deciding which few items to keep and risk wearing, I opt, of course, for my plain black dress, numerous pairs of black tights and black flat shoes.  Then, feeling dirty and incapable of combing every inch of my body for microscopic vermin (though of course I know that bed bugs are not that small), I revive a favorite old fantasy of mine: shaving my head.  I fret for a bit about how I will look with no hair at all (probably not too attractive) and then think that maybe while I’m totally bald, before my baby hair starts to sprout again (which I think will be a cute phase!) I will wear a powder blue turban I have.  And then I think: oh my G-d.

This is it.  This is my first step toward Chasidism.  I even have green earrings that kind of look like these.  I’m going to be the chicest little cult member around.

2. I’m reading right now this article in T Magazine, the ethos and tone of which I plan to describe in some pithy one liner any. second. now, called “Vexed in Venice” by Joan Juliet Buck, which features the following paragraph:

“I thought I was an adult, but my life had not begun. I worked as an underpaid stylist for the photographer Guy Bourdin, lived in a tiny room on the Rue du Bac, was fascinated by Chairman Mao, knew people who were making the sexual revolution, was in love with three wrong men and had a dealer who sold me just enough hashish every week to make me feel like I belonged. I imagined I was simply moonlighting as the daughter of a cigar-smoking movie producer in handmade suits who spent Christmas in Venice.”

Something about this paragraph makes me want to raise my eyebrows and roll my eyes at her.  “I thought I was chic and mature in this really cool way, when in fact I was chic and mature in another way that is even MORE cool because it’s LESS obvious.  My feigned ignorance of my own coolness reveals me to be, in reality, UNCOOL.”

She also denounces her group’s Venetian agenda, which is wandering from bar to bar eating and drinking, by saying, “At 22, the three things I disliked most were eating, alcohol and walking.”  Fuck you, JJB, whining about roaming around Venice in winter time bundled up in YSL and stopping in bars to sip red wine and eat fish.  I’m a Chasid with bed bugs.  Beat that level of cool un-coolness.