In a used copy of Prozac Nation ordered online.
Put it to a vote: which of these twats cried inky tears onto the pages of this angsty classic? There’s one obvious guess…
Archive for the ‘It Could Be Worse…’ Category
Found!
October 28, 2010It Could Be Worse
August 20, 2010You could be so broke you’re considering answering those foot fetish party ads on Craigslist.
Wait…
Words of Wisdom
April 26, 2010My friend sent me this monologue she transcribed from Weeds in an attempt to help me understand life a bit better, and what do you know, it worked:
look silas, life is just blah blah blah
we hope for blah
and sometimes we find it
but mostly it’s blah
and waiting for blah
and hoping you were right about the blahs you made
and then, just when you think you have the whole blah damn thing figured out and you’re surrounded by the ones you blah,
death shows up, and blah blah blah
SPAM
April 19, 2010Every once in a while I putz around my Spam folder in Gmail to see what the Google Gods have determined is bullshit. Now clearly I know none of this is true, what I’m wondering is what IS the truth behind it? Is there really a Venera from Russia? If I responded to her personal email address, what would happen? Could she, in fact, visit me? Do people fall for this shit? How does Google know immediately that it’s Spam? If there is some legit Venera who wants to pimp herself out to an American man who has not the wife or children, how did she end up writing to a twenty-five year old female with little-to-no bisexual leanings? Technology just makes everything more blurry in the end, doesn’t it?
Subject: Life is Life (How great is that, btw?)
Hello My Friend!
I write to you the letter, and I hope to receive the answer from you.
My name is Venera.
I the young woman, me of 29 years, I the blonde live in Russia, city Vologda.
My city is in 479 km from Moscow.
And if you wish to get acquainted with me, I shall be very happy to answer your letter.
And I would like to tell why I write to you.
The matter is that in 2 weeks I shall visit the USA.
But I have no friends or relatives in the USA.
And while I at all do not know what state better to visit.
In WHAT STATE OR COUNTRY YOU NOW LIVE? We could have our meeting?
Tell to me more about your country or state? What interesting?
I shall have the tourist visa, and I can visit your country.
But main my purpose, it to find the good friend for me.
The man for serious attitudes and if you are now alone?
You have not the wife or children I ask you to write to me the letter.
And we could learn better each other.
I have not boyfriend, and I have not children.
To write to you the letter, I have addressed in agency of acquaintances, and to me give yours e-mail.
It not a spam or other bad things. So, please, answer me!!!
My letter, this offer to acquaintance and to learn better each other.
In my letter I send you my photo!!! I hope my photo well?
And I would like to receive your photo too.
Please, answer only my personal e-mail: VeneraHaihello@rambler.ru
The best regards,
Venera
THE BEST regards! It’s unfortunate for her that her name will most likely remind English speakers of one thing…
Fucking Brilliant
December 19, 2009From the 2009 Darwin Awards…someone make a short film of this…
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
CALM DOWN, SKINNY!
October 2, 2009
It's almost the weekend!
Fuck You, Time Warner
August 19, 2009So the Internet in my house has been down for about three weeks, and someone from Time Warner is finally going to come tomorrow, hopefully to fix it, so I will finally have the time and access to write more substantial things here…and by “substantial,” I just mean longer, and not at all more interesting or poignant. Well, maybe, but I can’t promise anything.
Some things I’ve been meaning to get off my chest…
It could be worse…
You could be Courtney Love, and you could have told New York Magazine that your new album is, “…really epic. Very, very big. It’s like giant black pyramids. It’s like side two of The Wall. The good side of The Wall.”
This is a good insult
“You have a flair for the obvious.” ~Ed Hennessy
Why do I have nothing more exciting to say? I need this cake.
It could be worse…
July 20, 2009You could be Mischa Barton.
It could be worse…
July 6, 2009D: so next time you have a bad day, just remember that you didn’t send a sex tape of yourself to an entire class of 5th graders
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