Archive for the ‘Lists’ Category

Things I’m Thinking About Instead of the Lecture

July 31, 2009

1. The fact that my copy of Infinite Jest, which I had overnighted to me (via FedEx) from my house, is stuck somewhere in a FedEx warehouse in Baltimore because, the website claims, of “incorrect address” (no!) and I am terrified it will get lost somewhere in the warehouse or in transit and I will have to mourn my copy.

“Why don’t you just get another one?”

“Because that one is MINE.  It’s where I put the orchid petal to dry it.  It’s where my notes are.  It has a life, and if one of your children gets lost, you don’t just buy another one.”

2. David Foster Wallace is quickly gaining iconic, and beloved (important differentiation) status in my mind, and this is…scary?

3. On August 31st, in the HBO documentary series:
Youth Knows No Pain: Follows filmmaker Mitch McCabe, the age-obsessed daughter of a plastic surgeon, as she journeys through America’s $60 billion a year anti-aging world.  In this “Alice in Wonderland” tale, McCabe spends two years traveling across the country visiting doctors and experts, living with a cross-section of characters from Minnesota to Texas who have gone to varying lengths to “beat the clock.”

4. Ted Hughes, and Sylvia Plath, specifically in light of:

“Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop

In their entwined sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage

In the morning they wore each other’s face” (Hughes)

And Assia Wevill, of course.

5. The fact that when I went to the grocery store last night, I wanted to buy an avocado, and noticed that all the rock hard avocados had stickers on them that said, “RIPE NOW,” which is a fucking LIE!  I can tell you’re not ripe, and just because you wear a little button saying you ARE doesn’t mean I’m going to be fooled into believing you.  Asshole.

6. Shoes

7. I’ve never listened to This American Life and I feel super inadequate for this reason.  I always plan to and it always gets away from me.

8. I don’t know all the details of the Henry Louis Gates case, and insert consequences drawn from #7 here.

9. Calvinball, from Calvin and Hobbes

10. All the things I’d like to write that “later when I have time”, which…never? comes.

Residents of the Uncanny Valley

July 29, 2009

My dear friend PS (who you may remember from the Zoloft egg conversation) introduced me to the idea of the Uncanny Valley. Yes, Uncanny in this context is meant to imply all the Freudian. In his own words, the Uncanny Valley is populated by, “things that are a certain distance away from us that are sort of creepy and yet we’re comfortable with them because they remind us of something…a nostalgia, perhaps…like cabbage patch dolls=our childhood. They remind us of ourselves, of humans, but a little too much to be comfortable so they create a sort of revulsion.”

He contradicted himself, I see, but I hope it makes some sense, nonetheless. We’re comfortable with them yet they create a sort of revulsion, a kind that might make us a little nauseated but we aren’t totally turned off. Like the visual/psychological equivalent of whole milk, for many.

Things that Exist in the Uncanny Valley

Amanda Bynes

Puppets that are human-like (the cast of the now-defunct Avenue Q, par example)

PS: Toy Story — approaching uncanny

Baby chimps in diapers

Artistic renderings of babies, and even just infants themselves, seem to fall quickly into the Uncanny Valley. Have you ever seen that infomercial for the program Your Baby Can Read? Absolutely the most uncanny thing I’ve ever seen. One year olds READING! Terrifying.

www.yourbabycanread.com

Boy bands

Dolls that come to life (Twilight Zone’s Talking Tina, Chuckie)

Stephen Hawking, and other computers that read
The guy next to me in this computer lab just audibly farted…

The Ten Best Gifts I’ve Ever Received, in Order of Greatness

July 18, 2009

1. My friend G wrote me a six-movement piece for steel string guitar. He writes:

“Like yourself, they are very dense works in a very small package. As usual, it’s avant-garde music so you probably wont’ be whistling the tunes in the shower, but I hope you enjoy!”

2. Another friend gave me his sister’s old Caboodle, which is a great carry on bag when you fly.

3. Trapped in the Closet: The Big Package (Chapters 1-24)

4. Midget porn, given to me by my boss

5. A first edition of Lolita, along with a really nice letter

6. Trips (Israel, Brazil), by my parents

7. A mini-knife on a necklace

8. Fresh Direct

9. Netflix

10. A first edition of The Little Prince

(One person is responsible for three of these, and after writing this, I think I may send him a love letter…)

Cheap Thrills for Masochists

July 9, 2009

Noise music (try Nuits by Iannis Xenakis)

Ulysses

cold showers

Watching Freddie Highmore (Finding Neverland) well up and weep

Watching gymnastics*

Hanging out at one of the following places: tattoo parlors (preferably ones in which the layout is rather open, late at night), quickie wedding chapels (you’d kind of have to be in Vegas for this, I guess), or the kitchen of a really cheap Chinese restaurant

The television show I Shouldn’t Be Alive

Tweezing

Google-Imaging “Regurgitation”, although there are a lot of random words that would work for this one

The Songs That Best Sum Up My Life

June 26, 2009

Because “theme song”s sounds lame.

“You Don’t Know How it Feels to Be Me” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

“Don’t Be Scared” by A.R.E. Weapons

“Dig a Pony” by the Beatles

“This Cloud” by Bush (nod to my moody teenage years)

“Hospital Beds” by Cold War Kids

“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails (Ha!)

“I Want to Live in a Wigwam” by Cat Stevens

“Dedicated Follower of Fashion” by the Kinks

“I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner (is she joking?  I can’t tell…if not, that’s pretty sad…wait, seriously?)

“What Is Life” by George Harrison

And the grand, choreographed dance finale to my movie-life:

“Papa Was a Rolling Stone” by the Temptations

Overrated Things

June 11, 2009

San Francisco

Community Service

Skiing

Jobs

Emotions

Rationality/Intelligence

Sample Sales

Encores/standing ovations

Cocaine

One night stands

Purell

Angelina Jolie

Postal Service (the band, not the actual U.S. Postal Service)

Compliments

Thanksgiving