First World Problems

March 7, 2012

“Wait, did I purposely procrastinate getting my recommendation forms ready for my application to volunteer at Sunshine Camp for Poor Amputee Babies because I really wanted to spend all my vacation days at the beach with my boyfriend?  Does the fact that I won’t be playing with toddler burn victims this summer mean I’m a bad person, or does the fact that I made the effort in the first place mean I’m better than most people are?  … wait, does the fact that I’m imagining self-worth as a graduated and competitive system mean I’m a  bitch who is only concerned about what I do relative to what other people do, or just a realist who sees that altruism is never a pure and untainted act? … wait…”

Sometimes, you just have to laugh at yourself and say, “Fuck the kids!  CABO!”

Groups I’d Like to Join

March 6, 2012

“You started seeing them around town the following autumn, people in white clothing, traveling in same-sex pairs, always smoking.  Laurie recognized a few of them –– Barbara Santangelo, whose son was in her daughter’s class; Marty Powers, who used to play softball with her husband, and whose wife was taken in the Rapture, or whatever it was.  Mostly they ignored you, but sometimes they followed you around as if they were private detectives hired to keep track of your movements.  If you said hello, they just gave you a blank look, but if you asked a more substantive question, they handed over a business card printed on one side with the following message:

WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE GUILTY REMNANT.  WE HAVE TAKEN A VOW OF SILENCE.  WE STAND BEFORE YOU AS LIVING REMINDERS OF GOD’S AWESOME POWER.  HIS JUDGMENT IS UPON US.

“In smaller type, on the other side of the card, was a Web address you could consult for more information: http://www.guiltyremnant.com.

“… Laurie had read an article about the Guilty Remnant in the local paper, so she knew that there were at least sixty people living in their ‘compound’ on Gingko Street, an eight-house subdivision that had been deeded to the organization by the developer, a wealthy man named Troy Vincent, who was now living there as an ordinary member, with no special privileges.”

~ Tom Perrotta, The Leftovers

My only question, though, is can I keep my white veil in accordance with my membership in the Union of Hideously and Improbably Deformed?  Can I break my vow of silence to speak in my UHID group sessions?

“Happy” Monday

March 5, 2012

This gives me joy in the same way that a missive from a someecard my friend once sent me did –– the card read, “When work sucks, just remember that some day you will die.”  So nice to remember there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.

Euthanasia Coaster by Julijonas Urbonas

The Euthanasia Coaster is a roller coaster designed to kill you.  From Urbonas’ website/mission statement:

“Euthanasia Coaster” is a hypothetic euthanasia machine in the form of a roller coaster, engineered to humanely – with elegance and euphoria – take the life of a human being. Riding the coaster’s track, the rider is subjected to a series of intensive motion elements that induce various unique experiences: from euphoria to thrill, and from tunnel vision to loss of consciousness, and, eventually, death. Thanks to the marriage of the advanced cross-disciplinary research in space medicine, mechanical engineering, material technologies and, of course, gravity, the fatal journey is made pleasing, elegant and meaningful. Celebrating the limits of the human body but also the liberation from the horizontal life, this ‘kinetic sculpture’ is in fact the ultimate roller coaster: John Allen, former president of the famed Philadelphia Toboggan Company, once sad that “the ultimate roller coaster is built when you send out twenty-four people and they all come back dead. This could be done, you know.”

On the website, it has a very interesting hypothetical play-by-play of what a rider would experience, along with a great interview with the inventor.

Wee!

My favorite:

Question: Do you really believe it’s more humane, say, than a lethal injection? 

Answer: First of all, we need to clarify what do we mean by saying “humane” as there is quite a myriad ways of understanding it. Of course, the key description might be something which is painless, pleasant, basically referring to some kind or level of pleasure. But the human being is a cultural being and therefore, in my opinion, we have also refer this term to dignity, compassion, benevolence and meaningfulness. The latter is exactly what a lethal injection lacks. It is highly hospitalised and not much different from a mundane injection of medicine. There is no special ritual nor death is given special meaning except that of the legal procedures and psychological preparation. It is like death is divorced from our cultural life as much as the death rituals in our secular and postmodern Western society. But if it is already legal, why not to make it more meaningful, not in a way the aboriginals mourn the deceased by ecstatic singing and dancing around a bonfire, for example, but as a ritual adapted to the contemporary world where churches and shrines are being replaced by theme parks or at least achieving the equal power of producing spiritual effects (more and more people attend theme parks for self-meliorative purposes — relaxation, self-cultivation, socialisation). This is, of course, a food for thought.

It has been observed that the jumpers, people who commit suicide by falling to the ground, often demonstrate some sort of aesthetic preference for a nice place or structure to kill themselves, for example, by traveling long distances for that, but also performing some forms of rituals such as folding their clothes neatly before the jump or holding a hat on the head with both hands all the way down. What’s more, sometimes the jumpers fall undressed or perform some choreography — it seems that they care about how their bodies meet the air. All this testifies that self-murderers are not apathetic in relation to the ritual of killing themselves, and seek some sort of aesthetic meaning in it.

My coworker and I are going to get tattoos of this shape.

In fact, falling is a unique experience that sets itself apart from other types of death: while rushing towards the ground or, in the case of the Euthanasia Coaster, towards the loop, knowing and anticipating with the whole body the exact time of death, there is still a fraction of time for reflection. Its real-time interface and inherent dramatic structure — the leap, the fall, the impact — a three act tragedy, are not present in lethal injection, shooting yourself or in overdosing on drugs, for example. Pull the trigger and you receive the shot — there is no gap between the act and its result, while with lethal injection or overdose there is an unknown time interval. In the Euthanasia Coaster the ritualistic drama is exaggerated even more: there is a lift up the tower, the drop, the serpentine fall, the vertiginous and euphoric entry to a series of the loops, and, eventually the fatal ride within the loop. Moreover, another unique thing is that this dramatic spectacle is open to the public, be it the relatives of the rider or the victims of the sentenced to capital punishment, revealing the full drama of their demise. Given all that, the coaster incorporates the private and public aesthetics of a humane and meaningful death: for the faller it is a painless, whole-body engaging and ritualised death machine, for the observers — a monumental mourning machine.

SO CLOSE TO THE END OF FRIDAY OMG OMG OMG

March 2, 2012

Someone find a way for me to see PEGGY AND FRED IN HELL!

Fuck Pictures

March 2, 2012

I have never been a huge Thought Catalog fan, though I may be changing my tune after this article on why Pinterest sucks.

An excerpt from the piece by Brian Donovan:

“Pinterest, for those of you who never left the chip bowl, is Facebook without the faces. It traffics in pictures, not of one’s self, but of what you find interesting in that moment: perhaps a clever way to arrange bathroom shelves, or an irresistible preparation of asparagus, or, as of this morning, 75,000 pictures of Ryan Gosling. It really is nothing more than that: lots and lots of images, and people are going nuts over it. A few weeks ago, Pinterest became the fastest stand-alone site to reach 10 million visitors in a month. Which confirms one thing and thing only: America will do anything to avoid having to read.

“Pinterest is not Pinteresting. It’s not Pinjoyable or Pintillating, and honestly, I have no idea how it’s even Pinpassable as Pintertainment. It’s literally the least amount of information that can be put in front of you and still make you feel like you’re looking at something. You admire a photo, re-post it if you like, and if you’re feeling particularly frisky, clink on it to see if it links to a recipe or design idea. That’s it. Basically, imagine going to a museum that’s been curated by someone’s hip aunt using magazines and Hallmark cards as her only resource, and you’ve been to Pinterest.”

And here is the link to the whole piece.  My link function on this site hasn’t been working for a while (definitely my fault and not WordPress’), but if you are too lazy to just cut and paste the below, you must be a Pinterest fan.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/pinterest-the-depths-we-will-go-to-not-read/

 

SPAM

March 2, 2012

Sometimes I find SPAM hilarious.  Like this gem:

Subject: Dead or Alive?

Usually i don’t do this but this is the only way I could contact you for now, I want you to be very careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where i am from. I know this may sound very surprising to you but it’s the situation. I have been paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer. It’s someone I believe you call a friend, I have followed you closely for a while now and have seen that you are innocent of the accusations leveled against you. Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them, because if you do, I will know, and I might be pushed to do what I have been paid to do.Besides, this is the first time I turn out to be a betrayer in my job. I took pity on you and your family. That is why I have made up my mind to help you. Reply me as soon as you get this mail or i will be left with no choice than to terminate you.

If you are willing to help yourself and not make your family attend your untimely death reply me asap.

There is no time to waste..

 

Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad..

 

The funny thing is that someone sent this to my boss, who doesn’t really have “family,” just one grown daughter.  Foiled, Ibn-La’Ahad!

Some Funny Sentences From the Last Two Days

March 1, 2012

Text from KM: I get a shopper’s high from CVS.

Text from IS: I want to dress using only 33 items of clothing

Gchat with Boyfriend

ML:  incidentally

i’m on your bed

is there something you want to tell me?

ID:  what’s on there?

ML:  book of mormon…

ID:  ahahahhahaa

put me to sleep!

KC: Confession –– I’ve been listening to the new Rihanna CD –– AND I LIKE IT!

Too Drunk To Post

February 29, 2012

I don’t like to write even one word when I’ve had one sip of alcohol, so I’ll hold off on my musings about guilt, religious and other, until tomorrow as I’ve had three Stella Artois(es?), and instead post this quickly-dating picture of Cory Kennedy looking like an absolute fuckwreck at Fashion Week in NYC.

Guess which one, if you don't already know?

I always knew that inside mess would make its way out, CK.

SPOILER ALERT

February 28, 2012

This is the END OF ANNA KARENINA,  присоска!  (That says “sucker” in Russian.)

“I shall still get angry with my coachman Ivan, I shall still argue and express my thoughts inopportunely; there will still be a wall between the holy of holies of my soul and other people, even my wife, and I shall still blame her for my own fears and shall regret it; I shall still be unable to understand with my reason why I am praying, and I shall continue to pray –– but my life, my whole life, independently of anything that may happen to me, every moment of it, is no longer meaningless as it was before, but has an incontestable meaning of goodness, with which I have the power to invest it.”

Note to Society

February 28, 2012

Dear Society: Please bring back the boudoir slipper.  Merci!

If you are thinking of gifting, please contact Siobhan, who will direct you to the correct Agent Provocateur store.