Work Blog

November 3, 2011

My company is starting a new blog, so they’ve asked everyone answer a cute little questionnaire about what books they like and such.  They kind of don’t know what they’re dealing with, though, when they ask me questions and preface them by saying “bonus points if there is a funny/interesting story behind it.”

Q: What is your favorite word?

A: “Auspicious.”  There is, in fact, a story behind it, which features a prominent Hindu guru, a meditating two year old, some “special” brownies and a speech about the movie TRANSFORMERS, but it’s way too long to get into here.

Ganapati Om.

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TONIGHT AT BARNES AND NOBLE

November 1, 2011

Joan Didion talks about death, dying and being dead!

Tons of twats with melancholy dispositions and literary ambitions –– just like yours truly! –– will storm the Union Square Barnes & Noble to hear Joan Didion’s death rattle.  I’m preparing myself to be elbowed by a lot of doe-eyed white girls.

Provided the wind created by the storming hoards of aforementioned twats doesn’t knock the Joan over and cause her to shatter into pieces, I think I may raise my hand and ask her what her favorite flavor of ice cream is.

 

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Monday Sucks –– But At Least My Friends Are Funny!

October 31, 2011

From KC: “i’ve been studying for an anatomy exam– did i tell you i had to dissect the male genitalia? the whole experience feels like a big insult to my absent romantic life.”

——

From PS (my bro):  “I’m having an OK Monday because I went to yoga this morning. My happy baby was adjusted in a very provocative manner by the instructor…”

—–

Lady Bob: i need someone to make me a website because my psychic is slacking

me: psychic?

Lady Bob: she’s also a web designer

——-

MH: my head hurts from peer pressuring people to drink all weekend

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TGIFUCKINGF!

October 28, 2011

I may never have been so happy for it to be Friday in my life. If I were tech savvy enough, I’d make a video of the peanut-butter-jelly-time banana, the smoking toddler from China (?) and the Hipster Hitler doing a celebratory dance for this week being OVAH! (Then obvi it would go viral.) Unfortunately I can’t, but you’re welcome for the mental image. What’s in my future this weekend? TWO DAYS OF PIZZA!

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THE JOAN

October 27, 2011

I don’t want to simply re-blog (because I hate the whole concept) but I have to say that the article about Joan Didion from New York Magazine last week (I guess?) was pretty interesting, especially for me as I do have an intense love hate relationship with the Joan (still looking for a home for my essay about realizing she was too morose for words –– takers?)  The best part of the article was undoubtedly this little tidbit about Quintana Roo:

“At age 5, Quintana called Camarillo, the mental institution rumored to have inspired ‘Hotel California,’ to ask what she should do if she went crazy—a story Didion insists is not just family lore.”

Girl after my own heart.

I can’t to publish a picture of Joan because looking at her arms makes me queasy, so here’s an adorable Quintana Roo in Malibu.  I agree with the writer Barbara Grizzuti Harrison about her name, too –– pretty  wack, Joan.

How precious!?

And now, for some Joan Didion jokes!

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
A [in death rattle tone]:  Ash.

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite perfume?

A: Mothballs.

And now I’m going to make one up on my own…

Q: What’s Joan Didion’s favorite cocktail?

A: Rum with a splash of disquietude.

Posted in I Hate Writing, Image Craving, Jesting, Infinitely | Leave a Comment »

Neologism!

October 26, 2011

Excuse me for BLOGGING too much recently, but I just thought of something kind of genius (not SUPER genius, though) –– remember when it was a fad a few years ago for Asian schoolgirls to write books on their cell phones? Well, I’m thinking that if people starting writing longer pieces –– how this would happen, I can’t envision, but where there’s fad technology, there’s a way –– via Twitter, the resulting would be called TWITERATURE!

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Commissions Accepted

October 26, 2011

I make micrographic presents.  This one is for my boyfriend.  It says, “It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.”  I know from experience.

Oh, how I love to write tiny!

As the title suggests, commissions are accepted.  Please email my manager/dealer Siobhan at itinerantdaughterandson@gmail.com, but be forewarned that the prices are quite steep as my work is in high demand.

 

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Do You Ever Recognize Yourself?

October 26, 2011

“Well, lady,” he said to her, “are you an artist too?”
“No,” said Miss Goering. “I wanted to be a religious leader when I was young and now I just reside in my house and try not to be too unhappy. I have a friend living with me, which makes it easier.”

~ Two Serious Ladies by Jane Auer Bowles

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Old Mix CD

October 26, 2011

An unearthed mix CD given to me by a girl a few years my junior I knew while we were both hospitalized for general teenage angst, a Google search of whose name produces naught but an obit.

Blink 182 –– “Please Tell Me Why”

Nine Days –– “Absolutely”

Dave Matthews Band –– “Crash”

Duncan Shiek –– “Barely Breathing”

Gin Blossoms –– “Hey Jealousy”

Gavin Degraw –– “I Don’t Wanna Be”

Incubus –– “Drive”

John Mayer –– “New Deep”

Razorblades –– “Story of the Year”

Harvey Danger –– “Flagpole Sitta”

Live –– “Lightning Crashes”

The Rolling Stones –– “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

Gin Blossoms –– “Follow You Down”

The Killers –– “Somebody Told Me”

The Verve Pipe –– “We Were Only Freshmen”

Third Eye Blind –– “Semi-Charmed Life”

Tonic –– “If You Could Only See”

Wheatus –– “Teenage Dirtbag”

Posted in Lists, The sun has gone to bed. | Leave a Comment »

Awkward Wrongly Addressed Email of the Day

October 24, 2011

Email from _____ to me (and undisclosed recipients) at 4:26 PM, Monday, October 24th (this is the second email I’ve received from this person)

Hi Everyone,

Mimi and I are having another open gym this Sunday, OCT 30th from 1 – 3 PM. Would love for you to come and play. If you have any teammates, friends, sisters, etc. that want to come play as well they are welcome. Let me know if you can make it. See you soon!

Sincerely,

___

website

phone (Orange/San Diego County area code)

From me to ____, 6:05 PM

Please update your address book –– I am not the person you’re trying to reach.  I live in New York City, I don’t have sisters and I don’t go to the gym.

 

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