My Fiance, the Crackhead

October 21, 2014
ML you know that really big homeless guy who’s always asking for money near our house
ID ugh yes
what about him
ML so i was walking towards him
he was sitting on one of those fence things around a tree
and coughing so hard he was like puking
ID oh goodness
ML and then i walked past him and i think i inhaled second hand crack smoke
ID AHAHAHA
are you feeling wacko?
ML i did for a few minutes after
i tried playing sudoku on the train and my times were way down
might have just been in my head though

The Best Premise for a Horror Movie Ever

October 20, 2014

Three-way email between some writerly characters…

ID: Terrible Air B&B. It looks way different than the photos and the man won’t let us leave.

SGM: Ugh. That’s so unethical. We were in a rough one in Iceland last year where the woman had clearly put us in the room of a child who had either disappeared or died. No sleep there.

CH: What the HELL?????!!!!!!

Live in Berlin in a…

October 17, 2014

Those of you who own The Itinerant Daughter Encyclopedia will know that there are few things I like more than living quarters in structures that were constructed as non-residential spaces.  You’ll see it on the Index of Greatness, right between Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion and freshly peeled garlic cloves (so delightfully smooth!)  All this to say that if you would like to buy me a condominium in the refurbished Danvers State Hospital in Danvers, Massachusetts, in honor of my upcoming nuptials, I’ll definitely promote you to Best Friend Status.

So––I’ve just been traipsing around Europe, hence my criminal absence, and I discovered that Berlin is a veritable treasure trove of such structures.  Allow me to share a few of my favorites:

1. The Water Tower in Prenzlauer Berg

This round building on the edge of a park in bougie Prenzlauer Berg is basically my dream.  From a blog called Berlin — Around Town:

“The unofficial symbol of the district is the giant, 30-m (98-ft) high Water Tower in Knaackstraße, built in 1877 as a water reservoir, but shut down in 1914. The engine house in the tower was used as an unofficial prison by the SA in 1933–45 – a period recalled by a commemorative plaque. The tower stands on Windmühlenberg (windmill hill), where some of the windmills that had made Prenzlauer Berg famous in the 19th century once stood. Today the round brick building has been converted into trendy apartments.”

Also an acceptable gift.

Also an acceptable gift.

2. This apartment complex in an old hospital in Kreuzberg

We almost stayed here via Air B&B, but then… well, it’s a long story, but we didn’t.  You can though!
Screen Shot 2014-10-17 at 12.28.05 PM

Or framed medical records

Or framed medical records

3. Augustrasse 25

It’s probably no one’s fantasy to live above a dance hall, but Clarchens Ballhaus is no ordinary dance hall.  It’s hosted bloody duels, dances for war widows, and many a Stasi agent looking for an enemy of the people. I feel like you could get used to lying alone in bed at night, listening to crackly old tango records emanating from downstairs.  To be fair, I’m not actually sure that the building HAS apartments in it, but I’m currently trying to track down official CB historian Marion Kiesow to ask.

And a beer garden to boot!

And a beer garden to boot!

And if you are bored, you can just pop downstairs for a concert!

And if you are bored, you can just pop downstairs for a concert!

Embarrassed

October 1, 2014

I’m embarrassed because I feel as if every post I write begins with an apology for being out of touch.  The truth is that the past few days, it’s been mighty difficult to peel myself out of bed.  If only I were Gogo Schiaparelli, the daughter of Elsa and the future mother of Marisa Berenson (did you know it’s pronounced Mar-ee-za?)  Particularly the last part:

“After leaving Abbot’s Hill, she went to school in Paris, spent a winter in Munich, and took cooking lessons from a Russian chef.  In London she lived in her mother’s home with a chaperone, went on holidays to Morocco or Rome with her mother, and then might spend a few weeks visiting Diasy Fellowes’s villa at Cap Martin and from there head to Monte Carlo.  She traveled with her own pink silk sheets.”

Oh, and did I mention that I’m getting married?

Games

September 24, 2014

I would like to play this version of Candy Crush.  Anyone want to join?

I’ve also always always wanted to play Calvinball, but it seems previous efforts to “organize a game, like this one from back in 2002, have come to naught.  Again, let me know if you feel like getting in on this.

“a league should be formed that hosts the popular game presented in Bill Watterson’s cartoon Calvin and Hobbes. The general premise of the game is that you make up the rules as you play and you can’t play the same way twice.

Since there will really be no winners, rankings and rosters are unnecessary.”

So sorry I’ve been a rather shitty correspondent recently.  Traveling, procrastinating, and then getting engaged––this kind of stuff really ties a girl up!

A Piece I Want to Write

September 18, 2014

“The Magical Negro and the Manic Pixie Dream Girl Go on a Date.”

Hilarious, right?

Unfortunately I’m super busy at the moment so can someone else take the reins on this?  ASAP, tks.

Research trip?

Research trip?

Oof

September 18, 2014

I’ve been gone for quite some time, and I’m so, so sorry, but you see, I have four weddings to attend in the span of four weeks (only one left!) and that, plus other travels, have taken me to Providence, Rhode Island, Ohio and Boston.  So needless to say, I’m a little tired.  I thought that I would spend my many hours in transit, however, catching up on some reading I really should have done in high school, so I took the collected poems of Emily Dickinson out of the library.  I think in high school, I found her work too quaint and formal for my tastes, but then recently I was thinking about poem 260 (“I’m Nobody!  Who are you?) and  I figured I ought to give it another shot.  If you want don’t want your baggage to go overboard or your mind to feel sharp and lively, though, I wouldn’t recommend it.  The below, though, took me aback; my reaction perhaps belies my mature exterior.

159

A little bread –– a crust –– a crumb —

A little trust — a demijohn —

Can keep the soul alive —

Not portly, mind! but breathing — warm —

Conscious —  as old Napoleon,

The night before the Crown!

 

A modest lot — A fame petite —

A brief Campaign of sting and sweet

Is plenty!  Is enough!

A sailor’s business is the shore!
A Soldier’s — balls!  Who asketh more,

Must seek the neighboring life!

Debate

September 10, 2014

Resolved: the only thing in the entire world that is worse than Lady Antebellum is the Muzak version of Lady Antebellum.

Procrastination

September 9, 2014

ID: “Dylan reportedly visits Chabad synagogues; on Yom Kippur in 2007 he attended Congregation Beth Tefillah, in Atlanta, Georgia, where he was called to the Torah for the sixth aliyah.”

can you imagine?

you’re in synagogue

atoning for your many, many sins
and BAM
bob dylan
ML: yes i can, bc i’ve contemplated just this eventuality
ID: HA
ML: look at this

ID: HOLY FUCK
HARRY DEAN STANTON???

Casting for Biopics of Poets

September 9, 2014

So, Robert Lowell in the biopic Locked Razors (too morbid?  Title open to discussion) will be played by…

Kinda dreamy, no?  In a bad boy sort of way.

Kinda dreamy, no? In a bad boy sort of way.

… MICHAEL SHANNON!

Grows out his hair a little, and bingo bango.

Grows out his hair a little, and bingo bango.

My boyfriend and I, just apropos of the above, happened to see Michael Shannon recently, looking quite disheveled and walking the streets of Brooklyn muttering to himself.  This segues nicely into the following scary tidbit: I see Philip Seymour Hoffman all the time.  Mostly in subway stations, but on a super regular basis.  A pallid face zooms by me, and I turn around to catch a glimpse of a strawberry blond head, and I think, “Hey, that’s Philip Seymour Hoffman!”  But… isn’t he dead? you’re thinking.  Yes, he is.  Hence the “scary.”