Hajj

October 14, 2013

So I’m totally intrigued by SPAM––where does it come from?  how does it work?  how many people fall for scams via email?––and today got one particularly interesting one that hooked me not because of its nonsensical aspects, but because it, in fact, was legible, coherent, and… well, perhaps a secret message from Allah?  Don’t feel pressured to read the whole thing, even though I did, in case a warning regarding the next big terror plot against America was encoded within.

From: badi

To: —

Sent: Mon, 14 Oct 2013 05:54:22 -0400

Subject: delivered a message to this year’s hajj pilgrims!!!

Supreme Leader’s Hajj Message

Ayatollah Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Revolution, delivered a message to this year’s hajj pilgrims. The following is the full text of this message issued on October 11, 2013.

 

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds and peace and greetings be upon the Master of Prophets and Messengers and upon his immaculate and pure household and chosen companions.

 

The arrival of the hajj season should be regarded as the great Eid of the Islamic Ummah. The great opportunity which these precious days provide for Muslims throughout the world is like a miraculous elixir. If the value of such days is appreciated and if we benefit from such days in an appropriate way, many of the maladies of the world of Islam will be cured.

 

Hajj is the bubbling spring of divine blessings. Each and every one of you happy pilgrims has gained the opportunity to cleanse your hearts and souls with these religious practices, which are full of warmth and spirituality, and to collect many blessings for your entire life by using this source of mercy, dignity and power.

 

In this divine arena of self-edification you can express your humility before Allah the Merciful, carry out the responsibilities which have fallen on the shoulders of Muslims, show enthusiasm and dynamism in the affairs of the world and in your religious duties, offer mercy and forgiveness when you interact with Muslim brothers, demonstrate your courage and determination in the face of difficult events, become hopeful about divine assistance in all arenas and, finally, build your human character the way Muslims should.

 

When you are ornamented with these precious resources and when you have benefitted from them, then you can offer yourselves as gifts to your country, your nation and the Islamic Ummah.

 

More than anything else, the Islamic Ummah needs individuals who can utilize thoughts and actions as well as faith, sincerity and purity, who can show resistance in the face of the spiteful enemies as well as exercising self-purification and piety. This is the only way for the liberation of the great Muslim community from the problems which have been created, either by the enemy, or as a result of the lack of determination, faith and foresight among Muslims. Muslims have suffered from these things for a very long time.

 

Without a doubt, the present era is an era of awakening, one in which Muslims can find their true identity. This truth can be easily discovered through the challenges which Muslims are faced with. It is exactly in such conditions that our determination- which is based on faith, reliance on God, foresight and wisdom- can help Muslim nations achieve victory against these challenges and bring about a dignified and honorable fate for Muslims.

 

The opposing camp which cannot tolerate Islamic Awakening and the dignity of Muslims has entered the arena with all its power and it is using all kinds of psychological, military, security, economic and propaganda tools to suppress Muslims, make them inactive and busy them with trivial things.

 

Taking a general look at the conditions of West Asian countries such as Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Palestine and countries surrounding  the Persian Gulf, and North African countries such as Libya, Egypt, Tunisia, Sudan and a number of other countries- reveals many truths.

 

 

The existence of civil wars, religious and denominational prejudices and political instabilities, the prevalence of cruel terrorism, the emergence of extreme groups and orientations- which like savage tribes in history, cut open the chests of human beings and rip their hearts out with their teeth- the emergence of armed mercenaries who kill women and children, cut off the heads of men and rape women and who do such horrible and disgusting crimes in the name of religion are all the products of the satanic and arrogant plots of foreign intelligence services and their regional agents.

 

Such plots are implemented in countries in which the ground is prepared before-hand and as a result, they create a disastrous situation for these nations and peoples. In such conditions, it is clear that one cannot expect Muslim nations to remedy their material and spiritual shortcomings and to achieve security, welfare, scientific progress and international dignity which are the results of achieving awakening and finding one’s true identity.

 

These disastrous conditions can abort the progress of Islamic Awakening, destroy the mental awareness which has been created in the world of Islam, drag Muslims- once more- towards stagnation, isolation and decline and consign to oblivion important and fundamental issues such as the liberation of Palestine and other Muslim nations from the transgressions of the USA and Zionism.

The most important cure for this situation can be summarized in two key phrases, both of which are among the clearest lessons of hajj:

 

First: unity and brotherhood of Muslims under the flag of monotheism.

 

Second: knowing the enemy and confronting his plans and methods.

 

Strengthening the spirit of brotherhood and cooperation is a great lesson of hajj. During hajj, even quarrelling and arguing with others is forbidden. During hajj, wearing the same clothes, following the same practices, making the same moves and behaving in a kind way, all mean equality and brotherhood for all those who believe in and rely on monotheism.

 

This means that Islam strongly rejects any idea and belief which views a number of Muslims and believers in Ka’bah and monotheism as people who are outside the circle of Islam. These orientations which are based on takfirism, which have become playthings in the hands of the treacherous Zionist politicians and their western supporters- commit serious crimes and shed the blood of Muslims and innocent people, and the people who claim to be religious, who call themselves clerics and who fuel the fire of fitna between Shia and Sunni and other denominations- should know that the hajj pilgrimage will thwart their claims.

 

It is surprising that those who say it is forbidden to take part in the hajj in order to express one’s opposition to the polytheists – a practice based on the Holy Prophet’s (s.w.a.) Sunnah – are among the most significant elements in provoking bloody conflicts among Muslims.

 

I, like many Islamic scholars and sympathetic personalities in the Islamic Ummah, announce that any statement or action which fuels the fire of discord among Muslims, any insult to the sacred beliefs of each one of the Muslim denominations and any act of takfirism against Islamic denominations equals serving the camp of atheism and polytheism and betraying Islam. All of these things are haraam.

 

Knowing the enemy and its methods is the second important factor. First, we should not forget about the existence of a spiteful enemy. Performing the ritual of the stoning of the jamarat during hajj is a symbolic sign of this awareness. Second, we should not make a mistake in knowing the main enemy, who in the present time is global arrogance and the criminal Zionist network.

 

Third, we should properly identify the methods of this hostile enemy which is creating discord among Muslims, promoting moral and political corruption, threatening and tempting outstanding personalities, exerting economic pressures on all nations and arousing doubts about Islamic beliefs.  Moreover, we should identify their agents and those who are, knowingly or ignorantly, dependent on them.

 

Arrogant governments, headed by the USA, conceal their true character with the help of comprehensive and advanced propaganda tools. By claiming that they support human rights and democracy, they deceive public opinion in different countries. They speak about the rights of all nations while each day Muslim nations feel- with their bodies and souls- the fire of discord more than the past.

 

For decades, the oppressed Palestinian nation has been receiving strikes as a result of the crimes of the Zionist regime and its supporters. In the countries of Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq, terrorism – which originates from the policies of global arrogance and its agents in the region – has ruined the lives of the people.

 

Syria has come under the attack of arrogant powers and their regional agents because of supporting anti-Zionist orientations and it has experienced a bloody civil war. In Bahrain and Myanmar, Muslims have been ignored and their enemies are supported. Other nations are threatened by the USA and its allies with military attacks, economic sanctions and different acts of sabotage. Taking a general look at all these countries can reveal to all people throughout the world the true face of these leaders of global arrogance.

 

Political, cultural and religious personalities throughout the world of Islam should consider it their responsibility to draw everyone’s attention to these facts. This is the moral and religious responsibility of all of us. North African countries, which are unfortunately suffering from deep domestic conflicts today, should pay attention to this responsibility more than other countries.  They should pay more attention to the issue of knowing the enemy and its plots and methods.

 

The continuation of these conflicts among nationalist orientations and Muslims’ negligence about the threat of domestic wars in such countries is a great danger. The loss that may be inflicted on the Islamic Ummah because of such events will not be quickly compensated for.

 

Of course, we have no doubts that the people who have risen against global arrogance and who have become the embodiment of Islamic Awakening in such countries will not, by Allah’s favor, allow time to go back so much so that the era of the corrupt, dependent and dictatorial rulers starts again. However, ignorance about the role of arrogant powers in creating discord and bringing about destructive interference will create a difficult situation for such countries and will cause a very long delay in achieving an era of dignity, security and welfare.

 

We believe, from the bottom of our hearts, in the capability of nations and in the power, faith, determination and foresight which Allah the Omniscient has offered to the masses of the people.

 

For more than three decades, we have seen this in the Islamic Republic with our own eyes and we have experienced it with all our hearts and souls. Our determination is an invitation for all Muslim nations, to this experience of their brothers in this dignified and indefatigable country.

 

I ask Allah the Exalted to bestow peace on Muslims and to foil the plots of the enemies. I ask Him to accept your hajj pilgrimage and bestow physical and spiritual health on you. I ask Him to provide you pilgrims of the House of God with an overflowing supply of spiritual blessings.

 

Greetings be upon you and Allah’s Mercy

 

Sayyid Ali Khamenei

File This Under: All My Obsessions

October 13, 2013

A few years ago, I got to see Amy Sillman’s hilarious “Seating Charts” at Art Basel in Miami, in which she diagrammed which art insiders would sit in which places at various faux dinner parties.  It reminded me of a project I had previously wanted to work on but never could manage (not a laziness but a logistical thing, a flaw in the plan itself.)  I saw it with my bro IS, who yesterday sent me this amazing blog post that compares Sillman to my absolute favorite, the Shulchan Aruch (and the Talmud)!

SO MUCH TINY WRITING!

SO MUCH TINY WRITING!

 

A brief excerpt of the post:

I am not the first to compare Jewish Law to dinnerware, in fact the preeminent code of Jewish law was called The Shulchan Aruch (Hebrew: שׁוּלחָן עָרוּך‎, literally: “Set Table”) authored in Safed by Sefardic scholar Yosef Karo in 1563.   Ashkenazi Jews follow rulings of Moses Isserles whose glosses to the Shulchan Aruch are widely referred to as the mappah (literally: the “tablecloth”).  Commentaries on the work include Peri Chadash (“New Fruit”) and Megadim (“Dainty Fruit”) culminating in the early 20th century work  Aruch HaShulchan (Hebrew: ערוך השולחן) (“the table is set”)  which attempts to remaster the original recipes of the overly processed rulings of the Shulchan Arukh and identify their sources.

 

 

 

Things I Could Judge

October 10, 2013

Things I Feel I Could Competently Judge Based Solely on the Amount of Television I Watch About Them:

Olympic gymnastics

Children’s beauty pageants

Modeling competitions

Any sex-crime court case

Earrings

October 10, 2013

My friend CN just moved (today!) to Philadelphia to be a jewelry buyer at Anthropologie.  I’m hoping she’ll get me this backlist bunny studs.

Well, I guess you can get them for me if you want, if you can find them.

Well, I guess you can get them for me if you want, if you can find them.

I HATE NATHANIEL RICH

October 9, 2013

A few years ago, a former friend of mine, who enjoyed vegan baking and falling for attached men, developed a serious crush on writer/Frank Rich spawn Nathaniel, he of the title of this post.  She dragged me to some event that he was co-hosting and awkwardly hung around the table where he was signing books afterward and introduced me, though I seriously doubt Sir Rich remembers it.  Since then, I’ve definitely imagined a familiarity that simply doesn’t exist, and tracked his career in ways that I perhaps wouldn’t have had I never shook hands with the dude.  I’ve read his writing when it is sent my way, noted releases of his novels, and cringed with envy when I heard his voice on This American Life.  But this week, my jealousy reached new peaks when a friend forwarded me the oral history he did of the Chelsea Hotel for Vanity Fair (also, please note my prediction that oral histories are the new listicles is TOTALLY COMING TRUE!) and of course I was beside myself.  MY Chelsea Hotel?  The place I spent a paycheck to stay in even though it was ten blocks away from where I lived?  The building I sometimes stroked as I walked by (en route to nowhere) just because I loved it so?  The hotel that––yes, I know––has turned me even in these sentences into a bumbling cliche and puts me firmly in the derided category of “poseurs with artistic pretensions,” to quote R. Crumb.

A snippet of the oral history, which can be read in full here.  This isn’t the best bit of it all––just want to remind myself to look up the work Isabella Stewart Gardner the younger, and also Busby is my buddy IRL.

GERALD BUSBY: There were rooms kept aside for black-sheep children from rich families, who paid Stanley to babysit. The most auspicious of these was Isabella Stewart Gardner’s grandniece, who had the same name: Isabella Stewart Gardner. She was an excellent poet—a poet laureate of New York in the 70s—and married to Allen Tate. She was also mad as a hatter, a total masochist, alcoholic. She’d get drunk and meet someone and he’d take her up to her apartment and fuck her and beat her up and steal something, and then she was totally happy.”

So after I get over my sadness that I didn’t get to work on this project, I open up my latest issue of Harper’s  and what do I find there but a cover story by Rich about a dude who INFILTRATES CULTS, which I would a) love to do and b) have planned on pitching a reality show series about for ages.  This guy has all the motherfucking luck.

Oh, and in case you haven’t gotten this already, I don’t actually hate Nathaniel Rich even a little.  He seems like a good dude and an excellent writer, and I think if you can milk nepotism, why not take advantage?  I’m just jealous of his subject matter, obviously.

Did Not Get Held Hostage for Drug Money

October 9, 2013

So I’ve been hanging with FARC for the past ten days, and it seems I’ve missed a lot of stuff!  But you guys didn’t, because the number of hits on my blog has gone up dramatically despite the fact that this may have been the longest stretch I’ve gone without posting in… eesh, five years?  There is something afoot in e-ville.

I will not promise a long lyrical piece on my trip to Colombia because I did that after I went to Iceland and it backfired (read: I never did it) and also I am probably going to be writing about a facet of the trip for a magazine and, well, some wells are just likely to dry out faster than others.  I might post a picture or two.  Try not to die of excitement waiting for them.

What happened while I was gone?  Let’s see, the government shut down, which made me feel like I was going to return to a land in turmoil and yet customs at JFK was breezier than it has ever been in my traveling experience, the NYPD found Baby Hope’s mom (and I managed to instantaneously relate it to an episode of SVU), and all of NYC is creaming themselves over Banksy.  The last of these things I’ve decided I’m not going to spend much time freaking out about.

No sooner had my plane landed than I considered dashing past passport check and boarding the next plane to anywhere.  Transylvania, maybe?

INSIDE ZONE TRANSYLVANIA RESIDENCY

http://www.insidezone.eu — The Transylvania’s artist residency InSide Zone will start on 4th of May. It will last two weeks but artists may decide to stay longer. The residency is in the area of Carpathian mountains, in Borsec town, Romania. The upper town, once a famous spa in Austro-Hungarian empire is now “beautiful in its own ruins” and still seems to be an ideal place for inspiration and art. It strongly remembers the landscape of Andrei Tarkovsky’s movie, The Stalker, and the mysterious Zone. Interested writers and artists may apply by email sending their bio and samples of work. At the end of residency between 15 to 17 of May the yearly poetry and arts festival will be organized in the town. The residency’s participants may be involved in it if the work they produced during their stay is related with Zone, Borsec town, the area etc. Email transylvanianresidency@gmail.com for details.

BLAH

September 25, 2013

I don’t know why but I’m really relating to this two-headed sheep right now.

Forgot the artist's name so fuck off.

Forgot the artist’s name so fuck off.

Anna Nicole, The Opera

September 24, 2013

Hated by New York Magazine and beloved by yours truly, Anna Nicole has been the biggest ticket in town since… well, Tuesday.  Herewith, the synopsis of Act I.  I won’t give away the ending, I promise!

Scene Zero: A three-bar overture

Scene One: America Sings

Anna is introduced.  She is fabulous.  And eccentric.  Fabulously eccentric.

Scene Two: “No! It’s Mu-hay-uh!”

Anna establishes one thing: she was born in a town called Mexia, pronounced “Mu-HAY-ah.”  This phonetic problem is the town’s main claim to fame and is incorporated in the town’s motto: “A great place no matter how you pronounce it!”  Anna wants out.  Big time!

Scene Three: “Hey We’re Family!”

We meet the family: most importantly, Anna’s mother, Virgie, and her son, Daniel.  Mom Virgie frowns at Anna’s life but her heart always melts for the cataclysmically cute Daniel.  Daniel is the love of Anna’s life.  The Lawyer Stern is momentarily introduced and then pushed off stage.  Anna, divorced and broke, heads for the bright lights of Houston.  Faced with the prospect of low-wage jobs and grunt work, Anna chooses an alternative route.

Scene Four: Falling in Loath Again

Anna enters the world of the “Gentlemen’s Club.”  The earning potential is vast.  All cash, no IRS.  But there is a problem…

Scene Five: Life Implants

Problem solved: breast implants.  Up side: more attention, more cash.  Down side: chronic back pain for the rest of her life.  On returning to the Gentlemen’s Club, Anna soars.  And she meets the holy of holies: the Rich One.  We meet the oilman, J. Howard Marshall II.  Marshall falls under her spell.  He wants Anna.  He takes Anna.  Her life is transformed.  She asks for a ranch.  But… there ain’t no such thing as a free ranch.

Scene Six: American Dreaming

Anna gets the ranch but it didn’t come for free.  The world opens up for Anna.  With the prospect of unlimited cash, she seethes with ambition.

Scene Seven: Marriage in the White Dove Chapel

Anna marries J. Howard Marshall II.  Virgie (Mom) explodes with rage and disgust.  No one listens.  The Lawyer Stern gives Anna his card.  Daniel brings Anna her pills and she looks forward to a life of wealth––and chronic back pain.

Shouts & Murmurs

September 23, 2013

The latest (I think?) Shouts & Murmurs was hilarious.  I had to read the below first question several times to figure out which one of the characters was me.

1. Julie has published two novels and is engaged; Lisa works two jobs and her landlord won’t let her buy a cat. Lisa feels __________ of her former roommate.

(a) proud

(b) begrudging

(c) covetous

(d) resentful

(e) blind rage at the thought of attending the wedding.

A Tweet

September 18, 2013

I’m going to start a lo-fi band and call it Lucite Bathtub.