Not gonna lie, pretty bummed these ceramic peanuts are sold out. (PS: having a bit of a consumerist moment over here! Send help!). (PPS: I love fake food you can scatter around your house a laAmy Sedaris!)
Archive for the ‘Buy Me This!’ Category
SAD!
December 4, 2019Put Me in Your Will, Mr. Waters
June 3, 2019There’s a new article out about John Waters, which focuses on his art collection, one of my favorite topics. You’ll recall, I’m sure, that many years ago I wrote him a note offering to be caretaker of his art collection when he dies. I would probably strike a different tone now, but what’s done is done.
The new piece features a number of pictures of Waters’s pieces from my favorite “genre” of art, trompe l’oeil! The toilet paper dispenser, light switch, olives, playing cards and pencil in these pictures are fake! Basically my dream is to have an apartment riddled with fake things just to confuse my guests.
You Don’t Need That, Either
May 20, 2019In the past few years, I’ve read myriad lists of what you NEED to buy for a baby, many written by people who claim expertise for one reason or another (they have kids, they write about having kids, or both). This latest, by writer Emily Gould, attempts to once again be the last word on what you need when you have a baby, and she does a good deed by naysaying some of the things people believe are essential but aren’t really (like baby monitors, particularly if you live in small dwellings) and yet it, too, includes a number of things that are not necessary. I know no one will read this, but allow me to be, once and for all, the most minimalist of all minimalist parents and tell you what you really and truly need:
- Baby clothes. Ideally kimono-style onesies. ZERO pairs of infant socks. They will inevitably fall off. Burn all the infant socks you get on a tiny bonfire. Zutano-style booties are only option for infants.
- A baby carrier. It doesn’t really matter what kind.
- A carseat
- A bassinet or crib.
- ZERO SLEEP SACKS OR SWADDLES OF ANY KIND. Yes, you heard that correctly. You can swaddle your baby in little blankets until they start fighting them, and then you can wean them off swaddles as early as four months. I actually think these swaddles are doubly egregious as a “must have” baby item, because so many basically guarantee they’ll put your children to sleep and of course, no product is magical like that.
- You don’t need a baby bathtub. Use the sink until they can sit, then use a regular bathtub.
- Some kind of seat for the baby: we have a Bjorn bouncy chair, and it’s great.
- NO BREASTFEEDING PILLOW. Use a regular fucking pillow, it is the same thing.
- Bottles.
- For mom: at least one pair of shoes you don’t need to bend down to put on or lace up.
THAT IS LITERALLY IT. Don’t even make a registry. You’re welcome.
New Fashion Inspo
February 18, 2019The Amish have been fashion fodder before, but I’m going to do one better and declare that my new look this summer is MEXICAN MENNONITE.
Yes, there are Mennonites in Mexico, approximately 100,000 of them, mostly in Chihuahua and Durango. They’re from Russia via Canada, the former of which might explain the cool headscarves these little girls wear. Their clothes seem to differ from their Midwestern American counterparts in that the dresses are brighter and more often patterned, the hats are big, and the sleeves can sometimes be short. The dresses look like Batsheva creations, jo? Which, in truth, I’m not really that into. I think I just like these hats!
By the way, this obsession was brought on by watching Silent Light, a rather amazing film about Chihuahuan Mennonites in Mexico, starring a number of locals there. Don’t you think there should be a name for movies featuring non-professional actors playing basically/borderline-themselves? Like, autofiction, but for film? Examples include: Menashe, Krisha, this film, and many others I don’t have the time to compile here. If there is a term for this, please do let me know.
Peak Brooklyn
January 24, 2019
Get Me This Shirt
October 29, 2018Anyone who has seen Synecdoche, New York and doesn’t think it perfectly encapsulates the despair of human existence I sadly must unfriend.
Bathroom Porn
October 24, 2018Once, I had an idea that I was going to do a blog post that was only pictures of clawfoot tubs, because I love them. Then I forgot about it, or maybe I just decided it was something Honestly WTF had already done at least once (it appears they’ve done one on cast iron tubs, which appear to be… the same? Mostly clawfoot? It’s like an SAT problem). Anyway, yesterday, while drooling over this real estate listing for the apartment I would live in if I were 98 years old and had gone full-on rich eccentric, I actually felt my limbs go tingly while gazing upon the amazing green bathroom. You could just die, right?
Design Blogging
April 16, 2018I wish I were a design blogger so I could just post these pictures of drawings by Lithuanian artist Aiste Stancikaite and be like, “Day’s work: complete!”
Sidenote: pink satin underwear would be nice to own.
Also nice.
This Is Strange
March 13, 2018Guys.
What’s with the disembodied hand trend on the cover of cookbooks? Two of the most popular cookbooks in recent years feature them; in fact, the covers look suspiciously similar to one another in more ways than just that one. So, what exactly is happening here? Why do I find this a little bit… scary?
This eerie similarity is not enough for me to not want these cookbooks, though, just for the record.
The Art of Air B&B
November 7, 2017AirBNB? I don’t give a fuck.
Anyway, I am currently holed up in a fancy flat in a fancy neighborhood in London, and this place officially has the weirdest art of all time. There is an homage to the famous Sex Pistols album with Kate Middleton instead of the Queen, an autographed version of this famous photo of Jennifer Aniston from the cover of GQ, and my personal favorite, this:
It is an approximately seven feet tall lacquered print of a model (no one I recognize) in Clockwork Orange cosplay, with two… tattoos of Mariah Carey on her arms, and the word “DREAMLOVER” inked across her chest? (Also I believe those are Mariah’s initials on her stomach and enormous fake tits.) My friend AC put the image into Google and it came up with nothing, which means this is someone’s unique and as-of-yet undiscovered creation. You’re welcome.
Also this made me think that there should be a Tumblr or Instagram devoted to the art of Air Bee and Bea, but my friend KM alerted me to one that already exists. Sadly, it appears they stopped updating in May. Missed opportunity!
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