Archive for the ‘Conspiracy Theories’ Category

I Am Moving to Vermont

March 22, 2013

Last September, about 60 Vermonters met in the chambers of the house of representatives in Montpelier to celebrate the state’s “independence spirit” and to discuss the goals of “environmental sustainability, economic justice, and Vermont self–determination.” The speaker of the house had given up the space free of charge for the one-day conference. First at the podium was a  Princeton-educated yak farmer and professor of journalism named Rob Williams, one of the organizers of the event, who at 9 A.M. opened the proceedings by acknowledging what he called “some unpleasant and hard truths.” Amid the twin global crises of peak oil and climate change, the United States was “an out-of-control empire.” It was “unresponsive to the needs, concerns, and desires of ordinary citizens.”

Williams, who wore a T-shirt that said “U.S. Out of Vermont,” did not advocate revolution. He was looking for a divorce. He wanted Vermont to secede. “Nonviolent secession,” he said, “the detaching from empire and exercising our rights to independence, a deeply American right first expressed in the Declaration of Independence, is a right that demands re-exploration today.” Williams noted that Vermont is one of only three states, along with Texas and Hawaii, that ever existed as an independent republic—in Vermont’s case, from 1777 to 1791—and that as “a national leader on progressive political issues,” the state was “uniquely poised to lead this national conversation on self-determination.”

The murmuring response from the crowd suggested they’d heard it before. Williams and his fellow travelers—who constituted not quite a movement, he said, but more “a network of critical observers”—had been calling for separation from the U.S. since 2003. They had gathered in the ornate rooms of the state house to spread the word in 2005 and again in 2008 and now in 2012. Vermont had not yet separated, but the secessionists who were calling for a “Second Vermont Republic” had gained notoriety, and some small influence, across the state.

The conference’s attendees included an ecofeminist named Lierre Keith, co-author of Deep Green Resistance, who reported that “capitalism is literally insane” and urged the collapse of industrial civilization; a man in a kaffiyeh who enthused over a recent story about a rural Vermonter who, faced with police harassment over his use of marijuana, mounted his tractor, drove into town, and crushed seven sheriff’s cruisers under the treads of the behemoth machine; a musician who sang a tune called “Totalitarian Democracy”; a thespian garbed in 18th-century blouse and boots and cravat who re-enacted Ethan Allen, the farmer-soldier who led Vermont’s war of secession against New York in 1777; and a troupe of female dancers from the radical Bread and Puppet Theater, dressed all in white, who chanted a series of poems about “upriser calisthenics.”

 

–– From an article in American Prospect entitled “U.S. Out of Vermont!”

TV Show

March 18, 2013

A pen pal of mine –– one of quite a few –– had the following idea for a TV show, which I think is really quite brilliant (though his partner is probably right when he says it’s not salable.)  If someone steals it, though, I’m coming after you with an icepick.

“i went through a period of obsession with them (the videos, not LDS) (well, both) — i wrote a TV pilot, which i might have already told you, about an ad agency that specialized in religions. the main character was an ex-nun who was a sex addict. the art director was the Ayatollah Khomeini’s neice (her uncle was a client). i really loved it, but my writing partner, who’s a TV person, was like, there’s no way.”

Philanthropy

March 18, 2013

In addition to starting my scholarship program for spiritual seekers, when I make my millions, I will develop projects such as the one a Mr. James Schober is pursuing.  From TMZ:

Nobody wants to pay for a Casey Anthony interview … but there IS someone who’s offered to pay $10,000 in order to keep the alleged child murderer SILENT for the rest of her life … TMZ has learned.

According to new court documents filed in Anthony’s bankruptcy case, Casey’s camp has received a $10k offer from a man hoping to obtain exclusive rights to Casey’s life story.

But the buyer doesn’t want to make a movie, put her on TV or write a book — the docs explain his sole motivation is to “prevent Ms. Anthony or others from publishing or profiting from her story in the future.”

The man seeking to purchase the rights is James M. Schober — and as far as we can tell, he’s just a random guy with no ties to Anthony or her family.

The trustee handling the bankruptcy case has been tasked with identifying anything of value that can be used to pay back the $800k Casey owes her creditors.

As far as we can see, there’s no way the judge will green-light Schober’s plan.  First, even Casey doesn’t have the exclusive right to her story — someone could write an unauthorized biography.  Besides that … there’s no way a judge would force the sale of thoughts in Casey’s head.

It’s very weird … but the bankruptcy trustee is totally into selling Casey’s story, because he’s asking the court if he can create a bidding war.

He shouldn’t hold his breath.

—

Although if TMZ is correct and he wants to sell the story , then my idea differs slightly because I was just pay for people to be quiet forever.  If I were to make this boatload of money soon, for example, I would make New York Magazine stop constantly running “stories” about Girls (the sheer FREQUENCY of the coverage induces rage) and Gwyneth Paltrow cease and desist penning cookbooks.  Full list to follow.

THE WHITE SMOKE COMETH

March 13, 2013

Is anyone else having trouble not connecting the white papal smoke with the monster from Lost?

Something I Want to Say

March 13, 2013

… but that I will most certainly have to cut out of this essay I’m working on.  This is terribly selfish.  I apologize.

“If I’m going to take all Adler’s admirers into consideration here, and I can’t see how I can ignore the throngs of them, then I suppose I’ll start with a borderline sycophant, and re-quote Wilde via David Shields: ‘All criticism is a form of autobiography.’  So if that is so, then perhaps I am the lone critic out there who ends up downtrodden by the incessant nihilism of Adler, because my name is ID, and I am a nihilism addict, and just like an alcoholic cannot take a sip of booze lest he or she tumble down that mineshaft again, I cannot entertain any nihilistic impulse in me because sooner or later I determine that life is meaningless and for me, that’s always been a dangerous path to follow.”

Also, is it possible that The Shining is having a moment?  Evidence: the release of the documentary Room 237 later this month, and also the below:

Jack Torrance dress at Fashion Week.

Jack Torrance dress at Fashion Week.

Shining graffiti in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

Shining graffiti in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

 

I’ve Never Really Wanted to be a Ghostwriter…

March 12, 2013

but if I could take Lisa Pulitzer’s job, I’d be all over it.  From the Times:

Ms. Pulitzer helps young women who have fled religious sects or cultlike organizations give their accounts in compelling, often best-selling prose. “I’m now the official cult gal,” she said over a salad at a French bistro in Huntington, N.Y., where she lives with her husband and two daughters.

She’s written about women fleeing fundamental LDS communities, the Westboro Baptist Church, and Scientology.  G-d DAMMIT life isn’t fair.

Sara and Clare Bronfman –– if you’re ever ready to get out of NXIVM, call me!

My Monday

March 11, 2013

will be spent watching True Life: I Hate My Face.

“Two young ladies are sickened by the sight of their own face. Will they deal with what they were given? Or, will they change what they can?”

Stay tuned.

Extremely Obvious

March 11, 2013

I read this story today on a website so bad it’s embarrassing, and it seems to me so beyond obvious that this is not the whole story.

—

Greg Rodriguez, the host of A Rifleman’s Journal was shot and killed last night in Montana.

Police say he was enjoying a glass of wine at a female friend’s home when her husband came home and immediately shot and killed him.

The husband then proceeded to beat up his wife, drive her and their two-year-old child over to a relatives house, return to the scene of the crime, and eventually his own life.

Ugh. What a devastating tragedy.

Local sheriffs won’t speculate on the husband’s motive, but they’re confident this is an “open-and-shut” case of murder-suicide.

A Rifleman’s Journal was a popular hunting program on the The Sportsman Channel.

Comedic or Depressing or Both?

March 8, 2013

Below is a list of topics “trending” (I think I’m using this correctly here) on Jezebel.com.  This makes me feel something, and I don’t know what it is, but it ain’t good.

ADVICE

ANNE HATHAWAY

CANNIBAL COP

CLASS RAGE

CRAP TEXTS FROM A DUDE

DATING

DIRT BAG

DRUGS

DUDES

FACEBOOK

FEMINISM

GENDERAL INTEREST

GIRLS

LADY BUSINESS

MAG HAG

MIDWEEK MADNESS

MOTHERHOOD

MOVIES

OSCARS

PENISES

RAPE RAPE

ROE V WORLD

SEX

THE BACHELORETTE

THE SEQUESTER

THE THIRTIES

WEIGHTY MATTERS

YOUR IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND

Suck ‘Em Dry

March 8, 2013

Just so everyone knows, the secret password to get onto the Armory Show’s WiFi is “armorypress.”  Tell your friends.