Itinerantdaughter's Blog

Okay, so I know everyone’s panties are in a wad because of these aspiring reality show stars crashing the state dinner, but I think it’s a) hilarious, according to my sick side and b) sort of a good thing, according to my practical one.  (These two overlap somewhere masochistic and fun, like piercing your own ears.)  Allow me to elaborate:

So first of all, I suppose it’s necessary that I mention to you that I don’t follow politics.  I actively do not participate, which, if you ask me, is better than passively participating, which seems to me what everyone else appears to do.  I was raised by a libertarian father and a politically apathetic mother, so I was educated in the school of All Politics Is Bullshit, and the older I get, the more I believe it, genuinely.  Now, at the ripe old age of twenty-five, I see all politics (and sometimes life as a whole, though not nearly on such a depressing, nihilistic level, thanks to therapy) as this kind of cannibalistic meta-theater performance.  Congressmen get together and chatter chatter chatter and nothing happens.  Everyone gets dressed to the nines and bows to the Japanese president and we (the audience) cheer our approval or hiss our disapproval regardless of any real consequence, simply because we need to release our own emotions on to the symbolic vehicles, aka politicians.  And this charade continues forever and ever, and those who want to follow the laws, will do so, and those who don’t, won’t, and this is a system to which we’re all ascribing unless we simply choose not to.  AKA turn off CNN and opt to finger paint instead.

How appropriate, then, that two reality show wannabes crashed the state dinner…aren’t they really just calling attention to the farce upon which the system is based?  It’s a wonder a camera crew doesn’t follow around members of the Obama administration already, take them inside closets for “confessionals.”

“I gotta tell you guys, Malia is really acting out these days…plus with all the flack I’m getting for health care stuff, man, I’m stressed.  Spark it up.”

And again, sorry to get all pacifist on everyone’s ass, but it seems to me that the biggest statement of trust a political figure/body could make would be to lessen security?  Gandhi went to live in the areas in northern India where the violence between the Hindus and Muslims were the worst because he knew his power as a symbol.  I fail to see how American politicians expect us to let them into our homes when they can’t let us into theirs?

Then again, I’m not afraid of death, especially by assassination.  Fastest way to iconic status.  Obama’s misgivings and faults (human, understandable…there was absolutely NO WAY he could have lived up to the expectations we all had from him, even if he had succeeded in turning deficit into surplus with a wave of his hand and a prayer) would be immediately erased if he were to perish in a fusillade of bullets.  If you really want to unite a nation, tragedy is the way to do it.

Enough of the nauseating theory shit, though…let’s talk about practicality.  CNN (which I catch bits of every once in a while, as my boss is addicted) had a number of INCENSED broadcasters and political officials on, freaking out about how a) these people could have been TERRORISTS and b) now we’re talking about the Salahis, for God’s sake, instead of IMPORTANT things like ABORTION and AFGHANISTAN.  Well to that I say:

1. They are kind of terrorists…what’s more terrifying than a reality TV star?  Have any of you fucks SEEN Breaking Bonaduce?

2. They did everyone a favor, really, if we are concerned about the president’s safety.  Now we know security is too lax, and no one had to suffer as a result.  In fact, I think this ought to be a pretty regular procedure, on airplanes, at state dinners, UN meetings.  Send in someone with a vial of air, a crude drawing of a grenade to keep the security peeps on their toes.  It’s an exercise of sorts.

3. With regard to b), then stop talking about it.

To conclude, crashing parties=always awesome.  It’s just math.  Some weird seventeen year old boys crashed my twenty-fifth birthday party and spent a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror flexing until my friend told them we were exercising “face control” (look it up) and they had to leave.  But I treasure their memory.  It wouldn’t have been the same without them.

The answer to the titular question is obviously yes.

END SCENE.

Make-up!  I need touch-ups!

Exhibits B-… coming soon.

A

AC: so how was your tgiving

me: oh fiiiiine

No, not ME ID, like proof of identification…which is weird, why do we need that?  Pinch me.  I exist.  I think?

PS: magically I was let on the plane

There is something really eerie, Trow-ish about this question I was just asked when purchasing movie tickets online…

A portion of Brown Paper Tickets profits is given back to the communities we serve. You can help decide where the money from this sale goes by choosing a recipient category.
This sale should benefit:

A) Animals

B) Children

C) Environment

D) Human Rights

Why does this frighten me so!?!?

1. Done with Mamet!  Praise Be to G-d!

2. I think the entire world ought to give the cast of The Hills and any of its spin-offs the silent treatment.  Who’s with me?

She thinks TSS is a conspiracy designed to make women afraid to keep a tampon in for too long, thus forcing them to buy more tampons.  Have you ever actually met anyone who has had TSS?  I think someone told me this girl at my camp had it, but I never heard it from her.  I’m going to track her down.  I think her name was Abby.  Stay tuned…

So I thought I came up with Holocaust Porn, which isn’t a real thing, but two words, in their essences meaningless (as all words are) when, said one after the other, cause an intense reaction in others.  An experiment, of sorts.  Of course such a thing doesn’t exist; just invoking its empty name implicates the listener, whose mind is in control of what images or ideas or symbols come forth.

Using my intellect to justify being willfully iconoclastic.  Happy Monday!

Also I think it would be funny to tell people at parties that you’re currently working on a screenplay.  “Essentially, it’s erotica that takes place at Auschwitz.”  Just watch their faces.

Again, I thought I came up with it.  But no, guess again!  You’re right –– our friend David Mamet!

In a chapter entitled Sadomasochistic Phenomena; or, the Two Chelms

“The masochistic and sadistic imagination engages in fantasies wherein the cryptosexual delight of unlimited power is experienced (equally and perhaps interchangeably) as victim and perpetrator.

Holocaust films and slave epics are, essentially, these sexual fantasies.  Their viewer is permitted, by the rectitude of the innocent sufferer’s cause, to engage in fantasies of submission, simultaneously enjoying fantasies of dominance.

…

Anti-Semitism is a profoundly sexual fantasy — a sado-masochism founded on religious or pseudoreligious (e.g. Marxist or Nazi) views, which views are variously called ‘social’ or ‘racial.’  It is (consider the bizarre paraphernalia of the Nazis, the impossibly intricate illogic of the Holocaust denier) a fantasy capable of being worked out endlessly in everyday life; quite literally, a dream come true.”

WOAH, David Mamet!  You…are nuts.

Seriously?  People are still making shows about women who have twenty babies at one time?  Eight Million Kids and Counting? Please make it stop.  It’s really totally disgusting.  And I hate to play Captain Obvious here, but how is it dogmatically sanctioned to pump your body full of unnatural hormones in order to get pregnant with the sextuplets you will then raise with “very strong Christian values” (including: not letting them watch television but having their entire adolescences documented on that very same broadcaster of societal evils) and it’s somehow NOT okay to exterminate one tiny little fetus that is definitely NOT a person yet?   It makes zero sense, and somehow I think God, in his infinite wisdom, gets that.  He’s not stupid, and he doesn’t appreciate your hypocritical procreating habits.

MICHELLE DUGGAR I AM TALKING TO YOU.

I was always sort of indifferent toward astrology because it seemed vague and enabling, as it does to many people, but I’ve developed an animus toward it in the past year. This is because a) my boss likes to use his sign as an excuse for his bad behavior, namely his impatience, impetuousness, and inability (refusal?) to concentrate. “I’m an Aries!” Big fucking deal, I says. And b) in my friend T’s book about the bad qualities of every sign, it says that Taureans (that’s me) are “dull-witted,” which is so obviously not true.

Still, there is one thing about astrology I do like, and that is Mercury Retrograde, because it’s a great excuse when things break down or communicating in any way becomes difficult. Mercury Retrograde is in full effect NOW, which I guess doesn’t bode well considering my computer AND phone broke LAST week…so I figure next to go is my grasp of English. Here, from a friend, is a description of what M.R. entails:

Sept 6-29th 2009

At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back. When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier (I.D.: oh, so my phone and computer were pre-M.R….like PMS, of sorts.) When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes “stationary” and then speeds forward. Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. If you work in the industries ruled by this planet such as sales, writing, public relations, advertising, publishing, air freight, the post office or express mail, any transportation industry, from the airlines to Amtrak, you’ll also be especially vulnerable to this planet’s weird motions in September. (If you are a Gemini, for example, who works in publishing, it’s no use calling in for a month of mental health days–you can’t escape!) What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. (Or, you hate your haircut, the lamp you bought shorts out, your sister hates her birthday gift.) There will be countless delays, cancellations and postponements–but know these will benefit you in the long run. Don’t fight them, although your frustration level and feeling of restlessness will be hard to cope with at times. All machinery and things with moving parts–such as computers, VCRs, camera equipment, garbage disposals, and so forth, will reveal any weak links now. It is critical that you back up your data system and be more careful and vigilant than ever. Projects will demand more time and money than anticipated this month. In matters of the heart, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you or says something hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. Since Mercury rules speech, they may not mean what you think they are saying now. Let them have some space, and wait to see if they mean in October what they said in September. When traveling, leave early and allow for extra travel time. Have all bags double-taped closed, count your belongings, double-check addresses and reconfirm appointments. Things get lost when Mercury messes us up. Take NOTHING for granted. The sector of your chart that Mercury happens to be skating through will be effected most dramatically, so check your forecast! Why would the Universe give us Mercury retrograde? Because to move forward it is sometimes necessary to backtrack and reconfigure our paths in life. It is important to reconsider, repair, reflect, and reconnect. Mercury forces us to slow down and fix what’s broken, and in so doing, rethink things. It also gives us time to get to projects we have put on the back-burner. Some activities are lucky or actually improve when Mercury retrogrades. You are likely to bump into old friends that you haven’t seen in years. Adopted children tend to find their birth parents during Mercury retrograde periods, or people locate their long lost siblings. Prosecutors often find clues to crimes that had previously remained unsolved for years. (Although sometimes the reverse is true–there is a greater danger, or example, that police can bungle evidence during a Mercury retrograde period, for clear thinking doesn’t come easy for any of us then.) Mail that went astray weeks or even years ago shows up during Mercury retrograde. Some things that were lost reappear. Now is also a good time to dress old wounds, clean up relationships or to simply bury the hatchet. Some people have great breakthroughs in psychotherapy during a Mercury retrograde period. For salesman, it is a positive time to backtrack over previous contacts rather than call on new ones. It is a perfect time to schedule work on projects that you haven’t had time to do and you’ve let pile up. Bring your resume or portfolio up to date, and clean out your closets. Take time to paint the house. Clear your decks. Just try not to start new things. If you have to start a job during a Mercury retrograde period know that the nature of the job is likely to change dramatically over time. Perhaps the person you report to will leave, or your responsibilities will be very different from what you thought they would be. Or your company won’t be ready to take you on, and you won’t have much to do until things are reorganized. But remember, if this was a position that you tried for in the past, then you’ve got the vibes working for you rather than against you. Finally, what about people born with Mercury retrograde? If you are due to give birth to a baby during this period, don’t fret. The ancients felt that this aspect lends a more philosophical tone to the character. Mercury rules thinking, therefore an individual born with this aspect tends to reflect deeply over events and issues throughout their lifetimes. In this case, having this aspect could be a big plus! Your astrologer was born with Mercury retrograde–so relax!

…and so, so sleepy.

Something I thought of on the drive up: the archetypal “hot nurse” is a myth.  I’ve spent a fair amount of time in hospitals, and all the nurses I encountered were slightly overweight and crabby.  Plus, white isn’t flattering.