Itinerantdaughter's Blog

By request, I’ve decided to recreate one of my most popular posts of last year: quick and dirty reviews of Met Ball looks.  This year, I’m using the Cut’s slideshow (which is not to say I didn’t use it last year––I genuinely don’t remember) and I have to say, I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE:

1. Beyonce: Interesting, I admit begrudgingly

2. Taylor Swift: Dancing with the Stars prom-themed reunion show

3. Lupita Nyong’o: so many feelings

4. Kim and Kanye: boring, as always

5. Anna Wintour: ditto

6. The Olsen Twins: Why do I love this?

7. Rihanna: Hashem WHEN WILL THE CROP TOP TREND DIE?

8. Anne Hathaway: the only good example of a CT I’ve seen in ages

9. Gisele: Yet another reminder that perfection is boring

10. Jessica Lange: Hello eyebrow lift

11. Kristen Stewart, I like parts and hate the whole

12. SJP: I am bizarrely underwhelmed

13. Victoria Beckham: WHY IS EVERYONE SO BORING

14. Naomi Campbell: without the cut-outs this would have been awesome in a Liberace sorta way

15. Karlie Kloss: Hate elbow length gloves on women

16. Amber Valletta: THERE ARE NO PANTS AT THE BALL!  (name that movie)

17. Katie Holmes: Why kick her when she’s down?

18. Michelle Williams: I feel like I’ve seen her in this a million times before

19. Amy Adams: The first one I’ve actively liked

20. Rita Ora: Who exactly is Rita Ora?

21. Donatella Versace: Hard to look away from that face

22. Nicole Richie: I know I should hate this more than I do, but it reminds me of 8th grade

23. Jourdan Dunn and Toni Garra: Models?  I like both.  Then again, hard to go wrong when you’re that tall

24. Emma Stone: She looks pretty great

25. Kate Upton: Chiquita Banana, in mourning

26. Cara Delevingne: Michelle Rodriguez was a bad sartorial influence

27. Kirsten Dunst: Oh please

28. Lena Dunham: What I want to say will certainly not be PC

29. Jenna Lyons: AHHHH IT’S A TALL GOLUM

30. Marion Cotillard: Not so bad from this angle, but I think I’d hate it from a different one

31. Solange: Is that a bad toupee?

32. Joy Bryant: Hello 2001?

33. Chloe Sevigny: forgot the gestalt aspect

34. Jessica Pare: Not bad

35. Kristein Wiig: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PANTS

36. Bradley Cooper: skipping stupid boys

37. Shailene Woodley: Disaster

38. Amber Heard: fine, but Johnny Depp looks like Ebenezer Scrooge out on the town

39. Florence Welch: Never change

40. Zoe Saldana: Decent

41. Kate Bosworth: decent, albeit sorta emaciated

42. Stephanie Seymour: Chiquita Banana, at play!
43. Rachel McAdams: too monochrome for her own good

44. Rashida Jones: the ball gown thing doesn’t really work for her

45. Erykah Badu: Pharrell’s hat on steroids

46. Maggie Gyllenhaal: Someone else said it best––a 70s cult leader all dressed up

47. Stella McCartney: Why so glum?

48. Allison Williams: nice

49. Frank Ocean: I think I like him, in general

50. Charlize Theron: lose the jacket

51. Margot Robbie: Oof

52. Miguel: who?

53. Naomi Watts: I’d also like to get rid of this sheer bottom trend thing

54. Claire Danes: I hate it despite the fact that it’s relatively unoffensive

55. Chrissy Teigen: A little strange in the stomach area, but different, so yay?

56. Anna Kendrick: Didn’t she wear this to the Oscars?

57. Emmy Rossum: tablecloth

58. Kate Mara: moss on a rock

59. BOY

60. Chanel Iman: She looks great, but A$AP ROCKY is terrifying

61. Hailee Steinfeld: Um.  It’s not doing anything for me.

62. Blake Lively: The usual Barbie fare

63. Elizabeth Olsen: Toddlers & Tiaras (although I dig the shoes)

64. Sarah Silverman: I cannot deal with her in this context

65. Christy Turlington: Well done

66. Rosamund Pike: No

67. Donna Karan: diaphanous ain’t working for her

68. Reese Witherspoon: Yeah I like it

69. Joan Smalls: The lipstick would have worked LAST YEAR

70.Karolina Kurkova: Very… large

71. Adele Exarchopoulos: I didn’t even recognize her.  Hm.  I need to think about this.

72. Bee Shaffer: Alright

73.  Dee Hilfiger: Poorly executed Mad Men reference?

74. Fei Fei Sun, Marina Rust, Tori Burch: Okay for the first two, I take back what I said re: gloves.  Tori, on the other hand, looks matronly.

75. Karen Elson: Kinda love it.

76. Maggie Q: Who?

77. BOY

78. Alexa Chung: I am positive I would have loved this when I was 21

79. Chloe Grace Moretz: I am rooting for this kid, really

80. Amanda Peet: Makes her look dumpy.  Which is… crazy.

81. Robin Deardon: Fine

82. Zooey Deschanel: Too prom-y

83. Sofia Coppola: I don’t hate this!

84. Diane Kruger: Nice, but a little old for her?

85. Janelle Monae: Hipster matador

86. DUDE

87. Greta Gerwig: UUUUUUGHHHH

88. Felicity Jones: Coulda used some make-up?

89. Kendall Jenner: I respectfully decline to recognize her existence

90. Natalie Massenet: Her torso looks like book pages flapping in the wind

91. Jessica Alba: Makes her look pregnant, oddly

92. MEN (ish)

93. Lily Allen: Hate. Loathe. Despise.

94. Oh I just can’t

95. Lake Bell: She looks bomb.

96. Elettra Wiedemann: They spelled her last name wrong.  That’s all I’ve got.

97. GUGU!?

98. Olivia Munn: Would have been better with slightly less tit

99. Riley Keough: Disqualified for pants

100. Fabiola Beracasa: Uh, sure.  Not wild about the color but everything else is pretty glam.

101. Lea Michele: A poor man’s Amy Adams in American Hustle

102. Catherine Martin: Delightfully wacky

103. Kylie Minogue: Yawn

104. Zoe Kravitz: I can actually SEE YOUR VAGINA

105. Hayden Panettiere: Prom in Palm Beach

106.Elaina Watley: I don’t know who this is, and I never want to see her dress again.

107. Leighton Meester: I don’t hate this.

108. Laetitia Casta: Hm.  Interesting.  The cut on top is a little dumpy but otherwise not bad.

109. Ruth Wilson: I like her face?

110. Selena Gomez: She dresses like a 47 year old

111. Lily Aldridge: She is as exciting to me as Melba toast

112. Ming Xi: My lord she is slim

113. Michelle Monaghan: You go, Maggie!

114. Julie Macklowe: It’s so bright.

115. Ivanka Trump: Rivals #114 for worst color

116. BOY

117. Dree Hemingway: I’ve stayed up since I saw this trying to decipher how I feel about it

118. Imogen Poots: Her last name sounds like how I feel about this dress

119. Livia Guggioli: Orange and black––bold idea

120. Dianna Agron: Feh

121. Georgia May Jagger: My lesbian crush looks awesome

122. Suki Waterhouse: Looks way skinner than she did last week, eh?  Dress is fine?

123. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Yeah, okay, I’m into it!

124. Liu Wen: A

125. Dita Von Teese: the mermaid tail is amazing

126. Katie Couric: Does nothing for her

127. Emily Cole: Is that his daughter?  That’s as much enthusiasm as I can muster

128. Giovanna Battaglia: Looks like it’s going to fall off

129. Gabrielle Union: Burn this

130. BOY

131. Dakota Johnson: Do we just have to lie down and take her fame now?

132. Brie Larson: Clown with a spending problem.  Or something.  PLEASE KILL ME.

133. Stacy Martin: Man, what a person with a teaspoon of fashion sense could do with her body.  Sigh.

134. LaLa Anthony: WOAH

135. Sandra Lee: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

136. Arizona Muse: Yep, awesome

137. Aerin Lauder: Is it weird that I keep thinking about how old we’re all getting?

138. Tabitha Simmons: Interesting but it sort of makes her look… stout?

139. BOY

140. Nancy Chilton: I should know who this is

141. Oof, Anna Wintour’s son looks… not cute

142. BOY

143. Coco Brandolini and Bianca Brandolini: They look just like the D&G ads?

144. Idina Menzel: Lea Michele made bigger

145. Selby Drummond: Thoughtful, at least?

146. Hannah Bagshawe: LIPSTICK: wear it.

147. Sandrina Bencomo: Don’t like the hoop at the waist, but it seems like it would be hard for her to look really horrible.

OMG That was painful.  Off to have a morning martini…