Archive for the ‘It Could Be Worse…’ Category

Lies

April 23, 2013

ID: i pussy out of everything

i’m a fucking coward

LB: me too

do you think that’s a taurus trait?

ID: hm good question

and i always always lie to save my own ass

LB: i’m exactly the same way

ID: i’ve always done that

when i was a kid

i would just lie over and over again to get out of something

LB: i once told my teacher that i had a mentally handicapped older sister to get out of something

so then i had to start going to the guidance counselor because they knew that was a lie.

but i’m so stubborn that i stuck with it.

ID: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh my g-d

that is the funniest thing i’ve ever heard in my life

LB: what kind of 7 year old makes shit up like that?

ID: i have no idea

LB: i also wanted an older sister so badly that i thought the most plausible way to make people think i had one without ever having met her was that she was handicapped.

it seemed totally logical at the time

Hello?!

April 22, 2013

Has no one on the Internet yet made the connection that both the dude who taught his frat how to talk to Jewish ladies (Potential topic: “How terrible it was that you couldn’t eat bread during Passover (note: this is a week long holiday) last week”) AND the now infamous angry sorority girl (“Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES”) both attend the University of Maryland?

Question one: what’s in the water down there?

Question two: why hasn’t someone made a simcha for these two yet?

UPDATE: shidduch.  Duh.  #ashamedofmyself

Not Much To Say

April 8, 2013

I haven’t written a lot lately because I haven’t had much to say, but my anxiety as neglecting the poor blog for more than five days got the better of me (I suppose I’m as much as a victim of the Internet culture as everyone else) and so now I’m here to… say nothing.  Some more.

1. Something keeping me going these days: the saga of Amanda Bynes.  What will she do next!?   I only know I want to join Twitter because one time she tweeted that if she isn’t following someone on Twitter, it means she hates them, and I just couldn’t live with myself if I thought Amanda Bynes hated me.

UPDATE based on Nicole’s comment: I do think that the reason her crash and burn is so fascinating is because there seems to be an organic (maybe) mental illness there, and therefore it’s a little sexier than the straight wild-child-deterioration narrative of Lindsay Lohan, let’s say.

2. While looking at reviews on Barnes & Noble for William Styron’s Darkness Visible, I came across this mildly disturbing one:

Anonymous

Posted October 16, 2003

dont think it

I’ve read alot of great children’s books such as Ella Enchanted, Destiny, Defender of the small, and The Time Warp Trio books, but I’ve never read a ‘sophisticated and grown up’ book before. I’m twelve, how else should I describe it? I do think this book is good. I had a hard time understanding what it meant at first, but later on I understood that no one who has not been afflicted with isnomnia will truly know the full depth of madness and emptiness that they feel. Styron, with intimate details, creates an illistration for us.

*What the fuck is a twelve-year-old, fresh off Ella Enchanted, doing picking up Styron’s memoir of depression?  WHERE WERE HER PARENTS!?

Mantras for Nervous Writers

March 27, 2013

If Naomi Wolf can get through Vagina, you can get through this.

My Monday

March 11, 2013

will be spent watching True Life: I Hate My Face.

“Two young ladies are sickened by the sight of their own face. Will they deal with what they were given? Or, will they change what they can?”

Stay tuned.

Oh It Could Be Way, Way Worse

February 12, 2013

You could have watched one of those “I’m a Mormon” videos on YouTube just out of curiosity and gotten goosebumps at the end.

Sad Modern Narcissistic Twenty-Something Tweets

February 11, 2013

SS:  i just emailed my mom asking if we can postpone my bday until I’m feeling less depressed…

ID:  awwwwwww

that’s so terrible and yet i laughed a little

WHY, SALVATORE, WHY?!

February 8, 2013
This is called a "ballet sneaker," but is colloquially known as a blight on footwear.

This is called a “ballet sneaker,” but is colloquially known as a blight on footwear.

Didn’t Follow This Story

January 18, 2013

Although I think, upon reading the update, that it would be hilarious if Dunham’s comment set the citizens of Detroit into a hot rage:

Typically brash Howard Stern surprised both fans and critics alike by issuing a public apology to Lena Dunham on his radio show Monday, Jan. 14, so the Girls creator did what any gracious Hollywood starlet would do: She called in.

The 26-year-old director/actress/writer dropped a line during Stern’s SiriusXM Radio show Wednesday, Jan. 16, to reassure Stern that his comments were water under the bridge — and call him out on one comment in particular.

“I don’t even know where to begin with all of this,” an apologetic Stern began. “The reason I felt so awful was because when Perez Hilton wrote his article, he told half the story. …I started to compare you to Woody Allen … the whole thing came together for me.”

The shock jock, 59, continued with a declaration: “I realize: Not only am I addicted, but I totally get you… I’m in love with you and your character… I guess I just wanted to tell you I love you and I think you’re terrific.”

On Monday, Jan. 7, Stern caused an angry buzz online after he slammed both Dunham and her hit HBO show Girls.

“It’s a little fat girl who kinda looks like Jonah Hill and she keeps taking her clothes off and it kind of feels like rape. She seems — it’s like — I don’t want to see that,” he scoffed at the time.

Dunham admitted Wednesday that she first learned of his cruel comments after castmate Jemima Kirke, who is a huge fan of Stern’s show, tipped her off that the radio host was comparing her to the Superbad actor.

“I thought that was a good line, actually,” Stern chuckled, trying to make light of the situation.

Dunham responded gamely, but made sure to still get her point across.

But Stern wouldn’t take back his weight comments. “It’s not about apologizing, although I want to say I’m a fan of yours,”

“I’m not that fat, Howard,” she said. “I don’t mean to take major issue with you about this. I’m not super thin, but I’m thin for, like, Detroit.”

Stern agreed, explaining that he just meant that she often played up the “fat angle” on the show.

“You’re not obese or anything,” he allowed.

“Thank you. Another thing for my gravestone,” Dunham laughed, referring to comments she made on the Late Show last Thursday, Jan. 10. “Howard Stern says, ‘You’re not obese or anything.’”

This Shit is SO Bergman

January 9, 2013

“They sink down into a far too soft sofa in the drawing room, with its high, heavily draped windows facing the dusk of the garden and the blossoming fruit trees.  They hold hands.  Well, now we’re far away.  So we’ve realized our dream.  Or is this the demons’ ingenious version of our dream?  Are we actually present, or has our boldness made us breathless and our faces pale?  What is happening to us?  Have we walked into a trap, approved with kindness and prudence by a dear friend?  Is this ridiculous?  Shall we laugh or is it already time to cry?”

~Ingy Bergman, Private Confessions