Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Rebbe and Gertrude Stein

November 4, 2012

On Menachem Mendel Schneerson’s time in Paris:

“Hotel Max [where the Rebbe lived] was located moments from the junction of the boulevards Raspail and du Montparnasse, where at a cafe called Le Select one could find the most outrageous bohemian behavior; the Scheersons had chosen to live in what was an extremely colorful area.  The other nearby cafes –– places like La Coupole, a favorite of Sartre and de Beauvoir, Le Dome, and La Rotonde –– were also gathering places for existentialist writers and surrealist artists.  Until 1939, this neighborhood teemed with writers and artists from all over the world.  Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas held court at 27 rue de Fleurus, only a five-minute ride away.  Philippe Halsman, the photographer, had opened a studio in Montparnasse in 1934 where people like Gide, Chagall, Malraux, Le Corbusier, and many other writers and artists came to have portraits made.  Between the wars, rue Campagne-Premiere, two blocks from where the Schneersons lived, was the haunt of such artists as Picasso, Modigliani, Miro and Kandinsky.  Could the Schneersons and the Horensztajns have remained completely ignorant  of this life around them?  Did they want to be?  Did they never walk the boulevards, stop in the cafes, visit the galleries, or feel the energy around them?  Had this couple who stayed out late in Leningrad while they were courting and who may have attended the theater there become homebodies in interwar Paris?”

The Rebbe: The Life and Afterlife of Menachem Mendel Schneerson by Samuel Heilman and Menachem Friedman

Mini-Advice

October 25, 2012

Ain’t nothing I love more than simple, obvious advice.  Here are some pieces of wisdom from Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, which he sends in response to queries sent to him via text.  Aviner is considered one of the spiritual leaders of the religious Zionist movement.  (Not all his answers are so brief and wise, be warned!):

Soldier on Train

Q: Is it permissible for a soldier to ride the train for free (in Israel) when he is not wearing his uniform?  I did and the inspector warned me that it is forbidden and the next time I must be wearing my uniform.

A: You already received an answer.

Overcoming One’s evil inclination

Q: How great is the reward for someone who overcomes his evil inclination?

A: Very, very great.

Tooth that Fell Out

Q: What should one do with a tooth that fell out?

A: As you wish (See Rashbam on Berachot 5b.  Shut Yabia Omer vol. 3 Yoreh Deah 321.  Shut Tzitz Eliezer 10:5 #8).

War with Iran

Q: I saw quotes from the Zohar that Persia will rule over us and many will be killed.  What should we do?

A: It has nothing to do with our circumstances.  No need to be concerned.

Arab Insults

Q: What should I do if an Arab insults me?

A: Ignore it.

Umbilical Cord

Q: What should be done with the remains of the umbilical cord when it falls off the baby’s belly button?

A: Throw it in the garbage.

Wedding Dress

Q: Is it permissible for a bride to wear a cream-colored wedding dress instead of a white dress?

A: Yes.

Telephone Call in Restroom

Q: Is it permissible to answer an urgent cell phone call in the restroom?

A: Yes, but not while using the restroom.  Piskei Teshuvot 3:3.

Maybe I Can Find Better?

Q: I have been dating a young woman for a long time.  It is going well and we have decided to get married.  But I ask myself: maybe I can find better?

A: No, she is the one. Believe in Divine Providence.

Ritalin

Q: Is it permissible to take Ritalin on Shabbat?

A: Yes, if it is needed for a person to function properly.

Epidural

Q: Should one not to have an epidural during childbirth in order to “experience” the birth?

A: If a woman is suffering she should certainly have one, and even with it, she will experience the birth.

Pound It Out

September 14, 2012

My friend TV is working on a film in Austin, TX with the legendary director Terrence Malick, and sent me a little anecdote about an interaction with him:

“So, last night Terrence Malick gave me a fist-bump. It was one of the weirder moments of my life — he’s not exactly the fist-bumpin type. He came into my edit suite, excited about one of the scenes I was working on (not my work in particular, just how the scene had come out)… then suddenly reached his fist out towards me with a goofy smile (and a ton of rumpled notes, pens, folders, etc in hand). It waited there for several long moments as I tried to come to grips with the situation. Finally, with ZERO self-assurance, I hesitantly pushed out my own fist and gave him a gentle “tap” before he snapped back to rambling about the scene and left the room. I’m sure I’m dramatizing it in hindsight, but it was weird. I don’t know him very well yet, but he’s a funny guy (not talking about his sense of humor) — an awkward introvert who decided a long time ago that he wouldn’t suffer contact with people unless it was necessary for the things he found important (like making movies)… He’s perfectly friendly, but I would never describe him as “fun.” Maybe he’s just starting to warm up to me, and he’ll be perfectly fun later on … he does seem to enjoy drinking (and apparently enjoyed a lot of cocaine in his youth). I’ll keep you posted … maybe we’ll become best of pals — but I doubt it.”

To be a fly on that wall!

PS

August 25, 2012

I really, really think OldJewsTellingJokes.com should consider selling advertisement space to an entity OTHER THAN the anti-texting-while-driving initiative of AT&T.  It’s an admirable cause, really, but it’s just too jarring to go from the cautionary tale of a sad dude with a severe brain injury to a fat guy talking about a shlemiel in an ill-fitting suit.  Just… no.

WOAH

June 12, 2012

My boss is going to a dinner party next week with suicide royalty.

Dear ID,

Please tell P I am delighted he can come to dinner!  Shall we say 8.00pm?  Is there anything he doesn’t like to eat?

It will just be an informal dinner. Guests: John and Jo Spearman (old friends – he is the founding Chief Executive of Classic FM; I’ve known Jo his wife since Oxford.

Kathleen Hearst – of the Hearst family – is the new President of the American Associates of the Royal Academy of Arts, and is over from New York – so I said I’d give a supper for her.

Jasper Conran, the designer.

The Duke and Duchess of Marlborough.  Sunny and Lily – Sunny, now in his 80s, has recently remarried, to the beautiful Lily, who is of Asian extraction – and I’ve known her years.  He was a great friend of my old friend, the late Mark Birley.

Frieda Hughes is the daughter of Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath – and a triumph of optimism and sunshine, considering such a childhood!  – a poet, painter and she’s beautiful – plus Gavin Rankin, who used to run Annabel’s for Mark and now owns Bellamy’s.

Xxx B

I want to go!

Premature Burial

June 10, 2012

I really wanted to buy the rights to this book for my office, but the bitches at Hesperus Press never wrote back to me.  Here is the catalog synopsis of Premature Burial: How It May Be Prevented by Walter Hadwen, William Tebb and Edward Perry Vollum, which I guarantee would have sold fantastically at Urban Outfitters:

Terrified of being buried alive?  This spine-chilling VIctorian volume retells unnerving stories of live burials and narrow escapes.

Long out of print, this book was written to reassure the many nineteenth-century people who were apparently worried (to death?) about being buried alive.  Indeed, one of the authors himself had a narrow escape, as his collaborator writes: ‘Dr. Vollum first became interested in the important question of Premature Burial in consequence of his own very narrow escape from live sepulture, having been pronounced dead from drowning, and prepared for interment, when consciousness happily returned spontaneously.’

This edited version of the book extracts the most frightening stories of narrow escapes and living burials from a mass of historical material.  Its contents list includes: Animal and So-called Human Hibernation, Narrow Escapes from Premature Burial, Premature Burial of Doubtful Cases, Death-Counterfeits, The Danger of Hasty Burials, Sudden Death, Embalming and Dissections and Count Karnice-Karnicki’s Intervention.

From the preface: ‘The danger, as I have attempted to show, is very real –– to ourselves, to those most dear to us, and to the community in general, and it should be a subject of very anxious concern how this danger may be minimised or altogether prevented.'”

*Dispatch from the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport

OMG I Want This Job

June 1, 2012

Spelling Bee Pronouncer (New Brunswick)

Date: 2012-05-31, 3:25PM EDT

Reply to: t5r4f-3049292012@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

 

Looking to hire an articulate professional for the New Jersey competition of a national spelling bee on July 21st

The pronouncer’s role is to announce each word in the spelling bee, along with any related info requested by the speller.

Candidates will need to be comfortable pronouncing words ranging from very easy to extremely difficult.

Previous spelling bee experience is a plus.

Please reply via email if interested, and let us know of any relevant experience.

Thank you!

 

Location: New Brunswick

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: $100

Sunday Bluez!

May 7, 2012

“Stop the madness for constant group work.  Just stop it.” 

Thanks, Susan Cain, for enabling my introversion.

Is This Funny?

April 3, 2012

LB: I saw a parade of mitzvah tanks today going down broadway

literally 40 cars

ID:  i know i keep hearing about it!

LB:  and by cars i mean RVs w little hasid kids sticking their heads out

one asked if i was jewish, and i said “no, noone’s perfect”

and he said “i am, i’m perfect”

Question

March 27, 2012

Exactly how ought one to open an email to Marina Abramovic?