That the address for the Apple Corporation is: 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA 95014.
Just Thought You All Should Know….
May 8, 2012A Pending Project
May 7, 2012Addressed to: Nitehawk Cinema, Brooklyn, NY
To Whom It May Concern:
This isn’t a press request, but more of a project proposal, and therefore I apologize for perhaps (probably) sending it to the incorrect address.
Allow me to introduce myself: my name is ID, and I am a writer, sometimes-artist, and publishing assistant based in Brooklyn. I’ve done some pretty cool things in my day, including but not limited to: live in a bookstore in Paris, appear in a New York Magazine article about the denizens and devotees of the Chelsea Hotel, and hunt Burmese pythons in the Florida Everglades. None of this is relevant to the idea I’m about to put forward, but I just thought you should know with whom you are dealing.
Last Christmas, at my obligatory family gathering, my younger brothers (ages 23 and 25) and I were discussing the canon of Christmas films, and the standout of this quite substantial genre, A Muppet Christmas Carol. This movie, like many muppet films, is bitingly clever, touching, and replete with raucous tunes. Who could forget the narrative genius of Gonzo as “a blue furry Dickens who hangs out with a rat?” Who could resist joining in with Statler and Waldorf as they sing their theme song, “We’re Marley and Marley (Wooooo!)?” Who could forget mini-Kermit’s heartbreaking portrayal of Tiny Tim? In addition to this, the film has a great human dramatic star to boot; anyone who believes that George C. Scott even comes close rivals Michael Caine’s Ebenezer Scrooge deserves to have ghosts visit him in the dead of night and recreate for him all the most painful and humiliating moments in his life.
All of a sudden, it dawned on me: this Hensen classic, like all seminal cult films, deserves its own sing-a-long screening. This would of course take place in December, though a random mid-summer fete might be hilarious, if that’s better. From what I can tell, the lyrics to many of the songs are available online, and any holes in the libretto I will personally fill in (the movie is the first in my Amazon movie library for this expressed purpose.) For this small task, whatever marketing I can help with despite not having a Facebook account, and any additional organization you may need, I would ask for only 1% of profit. On that note, I don’t think it will be difficult to attract viewers to these limited showings. The Muppets, as you probably know, are experiencing a renaissance of sorts, what with the release of their movie co-starring an Apatow frat boy and a pretty-young-thing Oscar nominee AND the shout-out to them in perhaps the most buzzed-about New York Times op-ed of the last decade. Plus, if this one is a success, then there’s always Muppet Treasure Island to follow-up.
I don’t really think I need to say anything else. As I see it, I’m handing you a big silver platter of GENIUS, and all you need to do is partake. I can just see the advertisements now: come one, come all to Nitehawk Cinema for an evening of popcorn, songs, beer, and cheer. (Maybe an eggnog cocktail is in order?) Costumes not necessarily required, pipes need not be perfectly pitched, but a Christmas spirit definitely in order.
With much love,
ID
—-
Publicist Pamela
Apr 2
ID,
This is one of the best emails that I’ve ever received. Thank you. We’re forwarding your idea on to John Woods, who heads the programming at Nitehawk.
Best,
Pam
Sunday Bluez!
May 7, 2012“Stop the madness for constant group work. Just stop it.”
Thanks, Susan Cain, for enabling my introversion.
Hey Bulldog
May 6, 2012My friend and I just had a lovely time seeing Yellow Submarine in Technicolor glory at the very old-fashioned and beautiful Ziegfeld Theater. I won’t go on too much about the genius of the Beatles –– it’s been done before –– but I will note that the film features a glorious, lesser-known B’s song called “Hey Bulldog.” I suggest you listen to it now.
Hey Bulldog
Sheep dog standing in the rain,
bullfrog doing it again.
Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles.
What makes you think you’re something special when you smile?
Childlike no one understands,
jackknife in your sweaty hands,
some kind of innocence is measured out in years.
You don’t know what it’s like to listen to your fears.
You can talk to me.
You can talk to me.
You can talk to me.
If you’re lonely you can talk to me.
Big man walking in the park,
wigwam frightened of the dark,
some kind of solitude is measured out in you.
You think you know it but you haven’t got a clue.
You can talk to me.
You can talk to me.
You can talk to me.
If you’re lonely you can talk to me. (Wowwa!)
It Has Been a Long Week
May 4, 2012Pet Peeve
May 3, 2012In light of the story about the genuinely terrifying-looking mother in NJ who tans 20 days out of each month…
Why have people dubbed the tendency to tan until orange “tanorexia?” Anorexia is a disease based upon self DENIAL, not indulgence. It doesn’t make any sense to call this phenomenon “lack of appetite for tanning,” to refer to the etymological origins. I propose that it be changed to “binge tanning” or “tanimia.” “Tanniction?” As in, tanning addiction? Any of these would be leagues better than tanorexia, which I know is kind of catchy but is just plain incorrect.
Margaret Atwood
May 2, 2012Tonight I am going to see Margaret Atwood speak at the New York Times. I reluctantly must admit I’ve never read any of her books, but I am a fan of her poetry, particularly this one, which is about many people I know.
A Sad Child
You’re sad because you’re sad.
It’s psychic. It’s the age. It’s chemical.
Go see a shrink or take a pill,
or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll
you need to sleep.
Well, all children are sad
but some get over it.
Count your blessings. Better than that,
buy a hat. Buy a coat or pet.
Take up dancing to forget.
Forget what?
Your sadness, your shadow,
whatever it was that was done to you
the day of the lawn party
when you came inside flushed with the sun,
your mouth sulky with sugar,
in your new dress with the ribbon
and the ice-cream smear,
and said to yourself in the bathroom,
I am not the favorite child.
My darling, when it comes
right down to it
and the light fails and the fog rolls in
and you’re trapped in your overturned body
under a blanket or burning car,
and the red flame is seeping out of you
and igniting the tarmac beside you head
or else the floor, or else the pillow,
none of us is;
or else we all are.
The Holidays at Millbrook, Part II
May 2, 2012Bali was in full costume, about to begin a dance recital in the “music room” when I came in, and I immediately sat down to watch. He is a great dancer, and today he danced the dedication to Shiva –– with which he opens all his concerts –– particularly well. In it, he actually portrays Shiva doing his dance of the destruction of the cosmos, and ends in the pose on all the statues of the dancing Shiva: one hand raised in the “have no fear” mudra, the other pointing to his lifted foot, which represents liberation/enlightenment. I have never found any of Bali’s dancing as moving as I did today. (Bill Haines told me later that Bali had been dedicated to Shiva as an infant, and given to the temple at the age of six, to begin his training.)
After the dance recital, nearly everyone was as out of it as I was, no one seemed to want to move, or talk. Allen Ginsberg took out his finger cymbals, and he and Peter began to sing a kirtan, starting with the “Hare Krishna” mantra that nearly everyone there knew. I stole that opportunity to try and make it back up to the bowling alley to gather up Alan and whoever else might want to come and sing. But I was to have a rude shock.
I left the music room by the sliding doors that open onto the main entry hall of the house, and there in the hall narrowly missed being knocked down by a giant of a man who was literally hurling himself about, from banister to wall, barely missing the huge gilded mirror and shouting, “I have been Vi-o-la-ted!” over and over again to an astonished and immobilized audience.
Turned out that he was one Ted Cook, Canadian reporter, who, while being wined and entertained by Timothy in his study on the third floor, had inadvertently imbibed a large quantity of acid. It seems Timothy had offered him the choice of some perfectly straight bourbon or scotch, but he had secretly decided on the sherry he had seen in the cabinet, and when everyone else was otherwise occupied he wandered off and helped himself to a good-sized glass of same. The sherry happened to be one of the three bottles of liquor which held our new stash.
And now it seemed he was very shook. Well, it served him right, I figured. Not simply because it ain’t cool to drink liquor which ain’t offered, but –– dig this –– he had done a full-length movie about acid for CBC or something without ever having touched the stuff. That old black karma, catching up with him. I ducked as he made another howling lurch for the stairs and went on back to the bowling alley.
By the time I came back to the main house with Alan and our friend Zen (who lived downstairs from us in the bowling alley, where he devoured large quantities of morning glory seeds almost daily, and played his trumpet) kirtan had broken up: the howls and curses of Ted Cook had proved to be too much for everyone. Most of our guests were milling about aimlessly, making small talk and waiting for dinner, while the more competent –– and the more paranoid –– members of the community crashed around outside, coatless and flashlightless in the winter twilight, trying to find Ted Cook who had burst out of the house, surging through the masses of folk around him.
The general fear was that he would find his way to the highway (a good half mile away) and all hell would break loose with the local folk. We sat constantly on this power keg at Millbrook, dissuading ecstatic first-time trippers from calling their wives in Virginia, tromping resolutely by the side of energetic ones who had decided to go for a long hike, feeding yoga, breathing exercises, niacin, or Thorazine to persistent bad trippers –– handling any and all drug crises as best we could alone.
Dinner was finally ready. I made a quick run back home with Ed to wake up Mini, my four-year-old, who had consented to take a nap on my sworn oath that I would get her up in time to eat. The shouts of Ted Cook could be heard in the distance as we went up the path to the bowling alley, and I heard myself muttering, “If this is Thanksgiving, what will Christmas be like?”
At the bowling alley there was also a heap of presents that had to be brought back to the main house, Alan having the day before, bought a gift for each of the eleven Millbrook children. There was absolutely no money at Millbrook at this time –– times of total financial drought alternated there always with times of dizzying plenty –– but that didn’t stop Timothy, who handed us a blank check and told us to fill it out for whatever amount we needed. And so, Alan had decided that presents were in order, and had bought sweaters, toys, mittens, etc., at the huge shopping center in Poughkeepsie at the same time as the turkeys, yams, and other goodies.
Ed carried Mini, who was still half asleep, and an armload of packages, and I lugged a huge shopping bag full of presents back to the main house.
Dinner was very good and very luxurious, in the way that feasts always feel luxurious when the house is full and there is more than enough of everything. I heaped a big paper plate for myself and stashed it in a cupboard, and then I went to check out the rest of my family.
Happy Birthday to Me?
April 28, 2012My student loan collection agency just sent me a happy birthday email. LIKE YOU CARE, NELNET.
The Ultimate Toddlers’ Fashion Blog
April 26, 2012When I saw today’s article in the Times about preschool fashion, I realized that my idea for a blog devoted solely to the sartorial habits and predilections of little tykes might soon be snatched up by someone less worthy out there, so here is, first, a declaration that THE IDEA IS MINE AND ALL MINE, and second, a little template for the blog (tentatively titled Well-Tailored Tots? Doctors Seuss and Marten? The Patent Leather Teething Ring? Lagerfeld’s Sandbox? I could go on like this for a while.) I suppose I don’t need to wax poetic on the popularity of Ari Seth Cohen’s Advanced Style and the desire felt by all to see fashion through a certain extreme prism (most often, the extremity is age.)
Lagerfeld’s Sandbox

The very drabness of this outfit is the essence of its chicness. It’s sort of punk Amish. She’s even rocking the ombre hair trend a bit.
On the right: “Don’t spill juice on this coat. It’s very expensive.” ($1,570 to be exact.) On the left: And you thought only Cara Delevingne could model Burberry with such sass.
“My true passion is menswear, but I like to add little girly touches like Silly Bands and flowered hair accents.”
“My style icons are MIA, Leandra Medine, that kid from Slumdog Millionaire and all stars who eschew pants.”
“My outfit mirrors the hilarious absurdity of life.”
Be ready for April showers on the playground with springtime colors!
“I’m not ashamed to admit I wear these glasses for affect only.”
Outfit inspiration: 50% Kingston Rossdale, 50% LMFAO. Hair: 100% natural.
“Though she is less than a year old, Harper Seven Beckham is named ‘celebrity whose wardrobe you most covet’ by 76% of third graders.”










