What A Wordsmith!

May 11, 2010

Hunter S. Thompson to Tom Wolfe…

March 3, 1971
Dear Tom…

You worthless scumsucking bastard, I just got your letter on Feb 25 from the Grand Hotel in Roma, you swine! Here you are running around fkcing Italy in that filthy white suit at a thousand bucks a day laying all kinds of stone gibberish & honky bullshit on those poor wops who can’t tell the difference…while I’m out here in the middle of these goddamn frozen mountains in a death battle with the taxman & nursing cheap wine while my dogs go hungry & my cars explode and a legion of nazi layers makea my life a goddamn Wobbly nightmare…
You decadent pig. Where the fck do you get the nerve to go around telling those wops that I’m crazy? You worthless fck. My Italian tour is already arranged for the next spring & I’m going to do the whole goddamn trip wearing a bright red field marshall’s uniform & accompanied by six speedfreak bodyguards bristling with Mace bombs & when I start talking about American writers & the name Tom Wolfe comes up, by god, you are going to wish you were born a fcking iguana!!
OK for that, you thieving pile of albino warts. You better settle your goddamn affairs because your deal is about to go down. «Unprofessorial,» indeed! You scurvy wop! I’ll have your goddamn femurs ground into bone splinters if you ever mention my name again in connection with that horrible «new journalism» shuck you’re promoting.
Ah, this greed, this malignancy! Where will it end? What filthy weight your soul has made you sink so low? Doctor Bloor was wright! Hyenas are taking over the world! Oh Jesus!!! What else can I say? Except to warn you, once again, that the hammer of justice looms, and that your filthy white suit will become a flaming shroud!

Sincerely Hunter

Posted in Really Awesome Insults | Leave a Comment »

My Home for the First Two Weeks of July

May 10, 2010

"I can't keep track of each fallen robin..."

Posted in Image Craving, The sun has gone to bed., Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Imagine the Conversation!

May 10, 2010

Just saw Woody Allen, Soon-Yi Previn and Diane Keaton having Mother’s Day dinner!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Awww

May 7, 2010

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

–– Kurt Vonnegut on Twitter.

Posted in The sun has gone to bed., Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Venera Will Appear Today!

May 6, 2010

re: SPAM

Fred Says:
May 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm | Reply

I have contacted Venera. She is real and we are in love. (NOT, Really!!) She did say that she is coming to see me on Thursday; see for yourself!!?

“How are you?

I hope that you have good day and you have good morning today.

I hasten to write to you the letter to inform information about my ticket.

But I can fly to you only to Thursday!!! On May, 6th!!!

Today I already have the information on my ticket, and I can send it to you.

E-ticket:

Russia, Moscow (MOW) Flight to Philadelphia, PA (PHL)

Departing: Thu, May 6, 2010

Returning: Sun, Jun 6, 2010 | 1 Adult

Airline: KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

Flight 3105 operated by Aeroflot / Flight 6035 operated by Delta Air Lines / 5682 operated by Delta Air Lines

Departure Time: 10:25am

Moscow, Russian Federation (SVO)

Arrival Time: 7:31pm

Philadelphia, PA (PHL)

Total Travel Time: 17hrs 6min – 2 Stops

Change planes in Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS)

Change planes in Detroit, MI (DTW)

I very much hope that this date and time will be convenient for you and we can have our meeting.

Other details of my ticket I can receive all on Thursday morning, when I shall pay my ticket in the airport.

You understand me?”

I am just waiting for the hook; i.e. I need money to buy my ticket, hotel, or whatever. I can’t believe that any woman would travel hundreds of mile to meet a stranger, with the expectations of stay with them a day, let alone a month. Venera must be crazy, desperate, or the best con-artist in history.

Anyway, I’ll let you know if she in facts does exist and shows up.

  • itinerantdaughter Says:
    May 4, 2010 at 7:04 pm | Reply So WordPress sends me an email asking if I’d like to approve this comment and I’m kind of pissed that I can’t respond: DUH!

    You have GOT to keep me informed about Venera! If possible, take pictures. The g-rated kind. I guess.

  • Fred Says:
    May 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm | Reply I have photo now. She is a very attractive woman; that is, if these are her true likeness.

  • Fred Says:
    May 5, 2010 at 8:41 pm | Reply I honestly believe that they are from a modeling social network advertisement site. They are quite professionally done. Do you have an address where I can send the photos ?
    Nevertheless, I haven’t heard from Venera for a day and a half. The true shall be revealed on Thursday; that is if she shows up?

    • itinerantdaughter Says:
      May 5, 2010 at 9:07 pm | Reply We are at itinerantdaughterandson@gmail.com. Yes, I have a brother.

      TOMORROW IS THE DAY OF RECKONING! Try to do some fun things like show her the sights in your city and then fashion a photo montage out of it, you know, like, “V and I in front of the Liberty Bell,” “Eating cheesesteaks! Yum!” Etc. You’re in Philly, yes?

    • Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

    From Harper’s

    May 6, 2010

    I’ve been absent, again!  This is because I’m currently a resident of My-Job-Is-Hell Land.  Don’t fight me on this, because I will win.  Though I hope all the children have been following the Saga of Fred and Venera!  In fact, I’ll post the whole thing tomorrow so you can see.  It’s quite exciting.

    From Harper’s magazine:

    [Schemes]

    THE FRENCH CONCOCTION

    From a list of adventures offered by Ultime Realite, a French business that specializes in creating live-action psychodramas “inspired by your dreams, your nightmares or by a film or book.”  A basic four-hour kidnapping costs $1,226.  Translated from the French by Elena Ciocoiu.

    KIDNAPPING

    Kidnapped while you leave a restaurant or in the parking lot of your supermarket, then handcuffed and tied up, you will experience the violence and terror of a real kidnapping –– a psychological shock you won’t soon forget.

    BOUNTY HUNTER

    For two days, experience the craziest hunting of your life.  As prey, you’ll hear the barking of dogs unleashed to chase after you.  You’ll have only your gun, and at night you’ll try to fall asleep scared out of your wits that they might catch you.  Or experience a more elaborate scenario: first kidnap your prey, who will escape, and then manage a team of hunters.

    GOFAST ADVENTURE

    Take the place of a drug trafficker aboard a speedboat.  Your mission will be to transport a cargo by sea.  Or you might participate in the unloading of merchandise from a helicopter on a moonless night, lit by the headlamps of a four-wheel drive, scared because one of our security teams patrolling nearby might catch you!

    Posted in Conspiracy Theories, Jesting, Infinitely | Leave a Comment »

    A Thought for My Tomorrow

    May 2, 2010

    “What more ghastly image can be called up than that of a man betrayed by his body who, simply because he did not die in time, lives out the comedy while awaiting the end, face to face with that God he does not adore, serving him as he served life, kneeling before a void and arms outstretched toward a heaven without eloquence that he knows to be also without depth?”

    ~Camus.

    Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

    Words of Wisdom

    April 26, 2010

    My friend sent me this monologue she transcribed from Weeds in an attempt to help me understand life a bit better, and what do you know, it worked:

    look silas, life is just blah blah blah
    we hope for blah
    and sometimes we find it
    but mostly it’s blah
    and waiting for blah
    and hoping you were right about the blahs you made
    and then, just when you think you have the whole blah damn thing figured out and you’re surrounded by the ones you blah,
    death shows up, and blah blah blah

    Posted in It Could Be Worse... | Leave a Comment »

    Funny Things Friday!

    April 23, 2010

    Things that I thought about that made me crack up to myself today while walking down the street probably resulting in me being labeled a neighborhood crackhead:

    1. My friend met a dude at her business school (B.S.) orientation whose name…I can’t say it of course, but sans an accent, it sounds like something you could be criminally charged with.

    2. Insult from the cult classic Sleepaway Camp:
    “Eat shit and die, Rickie!”
    “Eat shit and live, Bill.”

    3. The poetic lyrics to “Ignition” by R. Kelly:

    It’s the remix to ignition
    Hot and fresh out the kitchen
    Mama rollin that body
    got every man in here wishin
    Sippin on coke and rum
    I’m like so what I’m drunk
    It’s the freakin weekend baby
    I’m about to have me some fun

    4. That cartoon within a cartoon on Animaniacs where a giant chicken does human stuff and nobody notices except for one dude and he’s always like, “It’s a GIANT CHICKEN!  He can’t cook gourmet French food!  HE’S A CHICKEN!  WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!”

    Posted in Lists | Leave a Comment »

    SPAM

    April 19, 2010

    Every once in a while I putz around my Spam folder in Gmail to see what the Google Gods have determined is bullshit.  Now clearly I know none of this is true, what I’m wondering is what IS the truth behind it?  Is there really a Venera from Russia?  If I responded to her personal email address, what would happen?  Could she, in fact, visit me?  Do people fall for this shit?  How does Google know immediately that it’s Spam?  If there is some legit Venera who wants to pimp herself out to an American man who has not the wife or children, how did she end up writing to a twenty-five year old female with little-to-no bisexual leanings?  Technology just makes everything more blurry in the end, doesn’t it?

    Subject: Life is Life           (How great is that, btw?)

    Hello My Friend!
    I write to you the letter, and I hope to receive the answer from you.
    My name is Venera.
    I the young woman, me of 29 years, I the blonde live in Russia, city Vologda.
    My city is in 479 km from Moscow.
    And if you wish to get acquainted with me, I shall be very happy to answer your letter.
    And I would like to tell why I write to you.
    The matter is that in 2 weeks I shall visit the USA.
    But I have no friends or relatives in the USA.
    And while I at all do not know what state better to visit.
    In WHAT STATE OR COUNTRY YOU NOW LIVE? We could have our meeting?
    Tell to me more about your country or state? What interesting?
    I shall have the tourist visa, and I can visit your country.
    But main my purpose, it to find the good friend for me.
    The man for serious attitudes and if you are now alone?
    You have not the wife or children I ask you to write to me the letter.
    And we could learn better each other.
    I have not boyfriend, and I have not children.
    To write to you the letter, I have addressed in agency of acquaintances, and to me give yours e-mail.
    It not a spam or other bad things. So, please, answer me!!!
    My letter, this offer to acquaintance and to learn better each other.
    In my letter I send you my photo!!! I hope my photo well?
    And I would like to receive your photo too.

    Please, answer only my personal e-mail: VeneraHaihello@rambler.ru

    The best regards,

    Venera

    THE BEST regards!   It’s unfortunate for her that her name will most likely remind English speakers of one thing…

    Posted in Conspiracy Theories, It Could Be Worse... | 7 Comments »

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