I’ve been trying to figure out where this installation by Faycal Baghriche is, to no avail.
Archive for the ‘Conspiracy Theories’ Category
Cleaning Off My Desktop
July 23, 2012FANCY REHAB
July 19, 2012
Some of you may know that if I am against one thing I am vehemently, it’s fancy rehab. See below, by Sean Michaels in The Guardian, for starters:
Pete Doherty has been thrown out of rehab, just halfway into his treatment at a clinic in Thailand. The singer’s departure was provoked by his disruptive behaviour toward other patients at the Cabin, in Chiang Mai.
“We are of course disappointed to see [Pete] leave,” wrote the Cabin’s director, Alastair Mordey. “It is important to maintain the integrity of the treatment programme for the other clients to have a good chance of recovery. Pete understands this and therefore the reasons behind why we have asked him to leave.”
“We hope some of the things he has learned here will help him in the future,” Mordey continued, “and look forward to the day when Pete decides to consider recovery again.”
Doherty checked into the Cabin at the end of June to overcome his addiction to heroin and crack cocaine. His “rigorous treatment programme” was to include yoga, elephant trekking and cognitive behavioural therapy. With costs of about £7,200 a month, the Cabin boasts a 96% “treatment completion rate”.
The singer’s decision to travel to Thailand, with manager Andy Boyd, resulted in last-minute cancellations at T in the Park, Rock for People and the Super Bock Super Rock festivals. The former Libertines singer has now reportedly returned to London, where he is working on a new solo album with producer Adem Hilmi. Several of these songs have been posted as demos to Hilmi’s blog.
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Ah yes, elephant trekking –– the backbone of any rehabilitation program. Unless he was riding the elephant naked through the dark jungle in order to find berries, which were his only source of nutrition, I’m not sure how I see the character-building element to this? Isn’t it more like ecotourism, or just plain VACATION?
Rehab is not a place where you go to make friends or ride horses or sit on the beach, and if you are going somewhere that looks like that, then I call bullshit. Check out a review –– yes, there is essentially a Yelp for rehab –– below of a place called The Beach House, which costs $10,000/month, or $20,000 for a private room. Comments in bold.
The Beach House 4 stars (4 STARS! Michelin Stars? Rotten Tomatoes?)
This relaxed sober-living manse is a great next step for rehab grads who’ve become enamored with the Southern-California recovery lifestyle—so long as you don’t mind just a touch of obligatory “bunch of strangers living together” drama.
A crackhead plays with her dog on the beach.
Only thing missing is a margar… woops.
Price: $10,000/mo. $15,000–$20,000/mo. for a private room
Insurance: No (Why would insurance pay for a spa stay?)
Overall: 4 stars
Accommodations: 5 stars
Treatment: N/A (Why is the treatment N/A? Shouldn’t this be the only thing residents weigh in on?)
Food: 4 stars
Detox: No (Too messy for this manse)
Built into a cliff along a rugged stretch of Pacific-Coast sand you’ll find Malibu Beach Sober Living’s Beach House, a halfway house like none other. Standing five stories tall, this idyllic sober-living home is all big windows and light, surrounded by palm trees and with four beachfront decks—the better to foster a sense of serenity and ease, as its primarily upper-class residents transition from rehab back into real life.
The main drawback? Beach House residents may get too attached to this California sober-living center, and to the luxurious private or semi-private suites they’ll call home for varying amounts of time; former residents told The Fix that they lived here for anywhere from three months to more than a year. (I smell cult) Owner and executive director Kimberly James—who’s also worked at Cliffside Malibu, Cirque Lodge and Passages—has a way of making potential residents feel comfortable about choosing the Beach House as the place to continue their recovery. One alumnus said, “Kimberly gave me a tour of the house, and it seemed like a great place to get sober with such a beautiful environment.”
Once they move in, the max of nine residents, who range widely in age, from 18 to 55, get along—for the most part. “There was drama, obviously, but drama will occur anytime you have a bunch of strangers living together,” said one Beach House denizen who’s apparently well acquainted with MTV’s The Real World. Another cited his annoyance at one roommate in particular, who he didn’t think should have ever been admitted to the sober house. “Her apathy got on my nerves,” he said, adding, “Maybe I was jealous of how little a crap she seemed to give about anything.”
But more importantly, a survey of former residents suggests that a majority of those who come here are serious about staying sober, and encourage their roommates to do the same. Describing what may be the best kind of peer pressure, one Beach House alumni noted, “I was resistant at first to attend 12-step meetings, but eventually I got [so] sick of being at the house all by myself that I started going as a social thing—and then I really started liking it.”
Another thing that people really seem to like here are the healthy and varied meals—and if you don’t like what’s on the menu, you can add items to the shopping list and cook for yourself in the house’s open, modern kitchen. Weekend brunch includes eggs, pancakes, hash browns, bacon and the like, while at dinnertime residents dig into stuffed chicken (a chef specialty), fish, steak and more. (What, no foie gras?) A nearby roadside stand keeps the kitchen stocked with fresh fruits and vegetables—and every once in a while, there’s an all-vegan dinner, “which were very few, thank god,” said one resident. On Thursday evenings, Beach House chefs fire up the barbecue to grill steaks, hamburgers, chicken and other outdoor favorites, followed by an in-house, semi-open AA meeting.
Beach House staff are generally well-liked by their clientele, who reportedly enjoy shooting the breeze with them just as much as they do their roommates. Of course, that could have something to do with staff not having a whole lot to crack the whip about, given that the daily schedule is much more low-impact than a full-on treatment center. Residents are required to engage in two hours of “recovery work” daily, (I do appreciate the quote marks here) whether therapy or a 12-step meeting or something along those lines—but besides that, your time is your own. Household chores are limited to the very basics, such as cleaning up after yourself and putting things away. “There were housekeepers who took care of the dirty stuff,” said one former resident. (How does this count as transitioning back to real life, then, if you don’t do your own laundry? Well, I guess these ARE mostly upper class people.)
The focus at the Beach House is on providing a supportive environment where clients can strengthen the foundation of their recovery—not on restrictions or deprivation. As such, using one’s cell phone, surfing the web or watching TV is allowed at any time—in fact, the place has 17 flat-screen HD TVs with premium cable. (Fuck. Off.) Such a policy can be good for a sober-living house, said one resident, because “there is nobody in my life back home who will restrict me, so to say that I had to have the lights off at 10 pm or something like that would be really stupid.” House rules are similarly low-impact, although some basic things like no smoking indoors, no blasting the TV or stereo at odd hours and so on are enforced pretty rigorously.
Fitness-minded residents can avail themselves of either the small on-site gym, or a larger one three miles away, to which everyone in the house gets free membership. You can also splash around in the small, infinity-edge house swimming pool, chill out in the hot tub or just hang out on the beach with your roommates. In fact, one of the best parts of living at the Beach House are the parties—for Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Super Bowl Sunday and so on—wherein lots of sober people from neighboring facilities as well as Beach House alumni, family and friends, get together for music, food, pool volleyball and more. “Just general good times,” said one alumnus. (Just like rehab should be!)
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You’ll probably say, “To be fair, ID, this is a HALFWAY HOUSE, and not a rehab,” but still, I stand by my conviction that rehab shouldn’t be a spa. If this is the halfway point, then I’m sure the residents’ rehabs had… what, 9 HD flat screen TVs? With that kind of incentive to stay sober, why, relapse should be all but unheard of!
End rant.
How Odd
July 17, 2012Somebody posted a picture of my living room on their blog.
That’s Slash!
How is it that they could have stolen such a shot? The only people who have been there recently are the 12 carefully selected invitees to the Parlor Party, my houseboy, Oscar, and the string section of the New York Philharmonic. Curious!
PISSED, Part II
July 16, 2012You know when you get really annoyed by certain things that you KNOW shouldn’t annoy you, but you can’t shake the feeling that you want to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Here are my two gripes for the day:
1. So sometimes I look on Craigslist for jobs, and I’ll usually look under “writing jobs” and “writing gigs.” Very frequently people post unpaid internships under the JOBS section, even though it just seems logical that something that is unpaid cannot, by virtue of it being not compensated, be a job.
2. Perez Hilton. I know, I know: what in the name of Michael K. would be the point of getting pissed at Perez? I have decided that as he has lost weight, he’s become a more superficial and less interesting blogger/person, probably. I dislike intensely his lack of knowledge of basic psychology and his picking favorites among the Hollywood community and planting kissy emoticons on their pictures every time he posts about them. (Interestingly enough, his favorites are my least favorites, including most notably Katy Perry.)
Re: the psychology issue, see the below post on Demi Moore:
Holy shiz!
We knew Demi Moore’s relationship with her three daughters was strained, but we didn’t know it was THIS bad!
As we previously reported, Demi’s daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah have pretty much cut off all contact with their mother after a series of fights.
Now, it sounds like the girls are thinking about cutting off their own mother even more — by getting a RESTRAINING order against her!
A source spilled:
“Demi has been calling them incessantly and emailing them, leaving them tearful messages and begging them to call her and the girls are sick of it. It is a really drastic measure and not something they are considering lightly but they just feel like they want some peace and quiet.”
Wow! Life is WAY too short for something so drastic, girls…!
However, it sounds like it’ll take a whole lot more than phone calls to slap their mom with a restraining order!
A legal expert stated:
“You can’t get a restraining order against your mom when she’s trying to call you. If that were the case, many, many more people would all be in court!”
As for Demi, it sounds like she isn’t taking the separation from her kids too well. Moore is said to be “absolutely devastated” and distraught over the whole situation.
We don’t blame her! We would be, too.
This is such an unfortunate circumstance all around.
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While the legal expert has a good point, the fact remains that Perez is poo-pooing the girls’ attempts to distance themselves from their mom when it’s obvious as a can of whipped cream to the head that she’s all kinds of fucked up, and watching ONE episode of Intervention with Jeff VanVonderen would teach a person that sometimes the best thing you can do is cut off your addicted loved one. Sheesh.
If I could, I would abandon (see the connection?) my job, sell my possessions, and travel the world spreading the JVV gospel, all the while wearing a t-shirt with this graphic on it.
PISSED
July 16, 2012I feel shitty, but I think I have only myself to blame –– I compiled a list of quotes from the Haredi anti-Internet asifa pamphlet that were actually pretty legit, and my friend told me to submit it to Harper’s (after McSweeney’s rejected me –– again!) and I dragged my feet a little out of nervousness, and lo and behold! They did it on their own. But I think theirs was a straight quote, whereas mine are carefully selected, and will be the basis of an essay/maybe thesis?/maybe book: Useful Lessons to Be Learned From Religious Fanatics.
25 Quotes from the Asifa Pamphlet “Challenge of Our Times” That Make Semi-Legit Points
“Many people convince themselves that they need Internet access, but if they would honestly assess the reasons that they are connected to the internet, they would realize that they could get by without it.”
“But today, even the most innocent looking children, from the best families, may have access to the worst images imaginable.”
“In addition, a determined child (or adult) can figure out a way to work around a filter so that he (or she) can get to the inappropriate material, or he can stumble on the password for the filter and disable it.”
“Make no mistake about it: today’s challenge in many ways is the most difficult in history. Certainly, if we don’t recognize the challenge for what it is and do something about it, it threatens to sweep us away like a tsunami. Yes, that challenge is the Internet –– the easy connectivity we have to the world, including its worst influences.”
“The Internet has already wended its way into our daily lives, into our conscience, and it is no longer possible simply uproot it from our midst.”
“The Internet not only exposes things going on around the world, but also creates virtual realities that do not exist anywhere else.”
“When a parent sits down to supper with one hand holding the fork and the other his smartphone, from which he cannot unglue his eyes, that parent may be sitting with the family in a technical sense, but the children realize they are technology orphans.”
“The [Internet] encourages some to display their knowledge, others their sense of humor, and yet others their ability to mock authority. The irreverent attitude is all-pervasive. And since no one knows who you are, there is nothing to worry about, no one to be embarrassed of.”
“In a very literal sense, all of the vices humans have uncovered over the millennia are now attacking internet users daily, jumping out at them from the screen and in many cases going on to determine their personal lives.”
“The Internet nurtures irreverence.”
“The Internet gives every individual his or her say, and that is both its strength and its weakness.”
“On the Internet an accomplished scholar with years of experience can post an authoritative exposé on his area of expertise, only to have someone with not the slightest background in that subject reject the entire edifice with a single derisive comment.”
“The constantly changing text, the stream of images that flit by, the ever-present additional links beckoning to explore new horizons, and the constant stream of information floods the mind.”
“Although the Internet provides its users with a feeling of freedom, a sense of euphoria at having the world at his fingertips, it is no more than an illusion.”
“The rise of social networking, blogs, chat groups and even texting all threaten to destroy the traditional relationships that are still so vital to our societal wellbeing. Family and friends are forgotten as people come to rely more and more on the companionship and approval of their virtual counterparts.”
“Bloggers develop split personalities, drifting through life like robots while their true emotions are bound to the ethereal friendships they have developed for their digitalized companions. By filling our emotional ‘stomachs’ with the ‘junk food’ of Internet society, we are stunting our appetite for the healthy relationships our psyche truly crave.”
“The element of anonymity that the Internet allows people to bypass the natural, inborn shame they would normally feel when involved in inappropriate behavior.”
“The ‘instant’ mentality where everything has to be accomplished with dizzying speed can permeate our actions in multiple areas. We lose our patience; our tempers get shorter.”
“Additionally, the medium of e-mail leaves the intended tone of the writer to the reader’s imagination.”
“One of the ubiquitous themes of the Internet is: You.”
“This means that instead of carrying out whatever task he is supposed to be doing, a typical worker will instead check his e-mail, send text messages, receive cell phone calls, send instant messages, check blogs, and ‘Google’ things.”
“Information shared on ‘social networks’ can be mistakenly viewed as private (‘only my Friends can see it’) or semi-private, but in reality just by being a part of these communities, we sacrifice a certain level of privacy.”
“Forgetting can be helpful: it helps us forgive people, it helps us deal with emotional pain and trauma, and it de-clutters our mind from useless details. But the Internet has the potential to interfere with that process, bringing up old memories and not letting us move on from the past.”
“On the Internet, you are lulled into a sense of security by the illusion that no one can know who you are. The truth is, your computer’s unique IP address is easily tracked by almost any website and anyone who knows a thing or two about computers.”
“The Internet may greatly facilitate real learning and research, but it doesn’t provide a short-cut to substitute for the process of learning in-depth.”
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Eat your heart out, Lewis Lapham.
New Job For Me
July 13, 2012My boyfriend and I are putting together a celebrity death pool (details TBA) and so I’ve been doing some research on existing death pools out there, and the most clever name I’ve seen so far is the Lee Atwater Invitational, which apparently has these rules (among others):
1. You may write in any name that’s not on that list and it will be submitted to The stiffs.com Fame Committee. If 15% or more of the Committee Members can positively identify a write-in candidate by NAME ALONE, that name will be ruled Famous. If less than 15% can ID a name to the satisfaction of The Commissioner, that candidate will be ruled Not Famous.
2. Any candidate ruled Not Famous by the Committee is disqualified for the duration of this game. Disqualified names will NOT be replaced by alternates and all rulings by the Committee are FINAL.
A little explanation of the Committe:
Somehow, we have to draw a line between who’s gonna count in this game (Famous) and who isn’t (Not Famous). It ain’t easy. Everyone has a different idea of who should be called famous. Once upon a time, we thought we’d found the answer in the online version of the Associated Press. Here was a reliable, nearly immediate source of news with an international scope. And the line it drew was so clear-cut — news of a death either made the AP, or it didn’t. Our needs seemed to be completely covered. Too completely, it turned out. The damned thing covers almost everybody who ever had a job. We spent a year or more trying to tweak it by adding exceptions, and categorizing stories, and complicating the whole process, and it still didn’t work for us. Why? Because even more than we want complete objectivity, we want this game to be about really famous people. Not newsworthy people — not accomplished people — celebrities. Less than people, in other words. We were getting further and further into amateur geologists and Bosnian ping-pong players, and it’s just no fun making fun of people you never heard of before you did a search on liver cancer. So, we’ve given up on the notion of total objectivity and we’ve assembled (drum roll) The stiffs.com Fame Committee (a.k.a. the FC). Back to basics, boys and girls. We no longer give a crap about the Associated Press or who’s related to who, or what defines an obituary — all that stuff is history. Here’s why.
First, you need to understand that for us, Fame = Name Recognition, pretty much. They’re virtually the same thing, as far as we’re concerned. If you look at a photo and think, “I know that guy, he’s from that chicken commercial,” but you don’t know what his name is, that’s not a celebrity. If a person has made enough news stories, or talk-show appearances, or bad pop songs to have an identity that’s conveyed merely by the mention of his or her name, that person is considered (by us) to be famous. Each and every one of the 1900-odd names listed in The stiffs.com Select-O-Matic (don’t worry, you’ll get there) is guaranteed to be what we consider famous. You should recognize some of ‘em, even if you’re an idiot. We tried to include as many of the most likely Dead Pool candidates as we could, but of course, there’s no way we got ‘em all. We didn’t expect to. So, if you have a famous name you’d like to enter that isn’t there, you may include that name on your list as a write-in candidate. After all the lists are in, write-in names will be sent to the FC, and each will be deemed either Famous (included in the game) or Not Famous (stricken from your list), and that’ll be that. The stiffs.com Fame Committee reigns supreme.
So, what is this Committee we keep talking about, and how exactly does it work? Kinda important, since it reigns supreme and everything. The stiffs.com Fame Committee is a hand-selected group of approximately 50 people, representing a broad cross-section of American society. Yes, that means that our Dead Pool discriminates against people who don’t live in the U.S. Deal with it. The members of the FC are equally divided by sex (roughly), and are intentionally diverse in age, geographic location and cultural background. Also, none of them participate in any of our games.
Write-in candidates are submitted to The Fame Committee in name only, without description, and members are asked if they know who each candidate is. In instances where a candidate’s name is identical (or nearly so) to another potentially famous person, it is the player’s responsibility to clearly specify which person is intended (see The Robert Young Edict). If a candidate is positively identified by 15% of The stiffs.com Fame Committee members, he or she will be deemed Famous, and will be included in the contest. “Positively identified” means that a Committee member has shown that he or she knows specifically who a candidate is. [Examples: If Bill Clinton is identified as “a politician,” or Mike Tyson as “an athlete,” that’s not positive enough. “U.S. President” and “boxer” are what we’re looking for.] If a write-in candidate is identified by four or fewer Committee members, that candidate will be deemed Not Famous, and will be disqualified from the Dead Pool. Now for the bad news.
Write-in candidates who have been ruled Not Famous will not be replaced. No alternate. No do-overs. Just a blank spot. This means you better be pretty sure that the average person would know who you’re talking about. Do not assume that names eligible in prior stiffs.com contests will be approved. The Fame Committee rulings are completely independent of any of the material found on this website. Neither The Select-O-Matic, The SickTicker nor any other part of this site are meant to suggest how The Fame Committee might rule on a given candidate. All judgments are final, and no rulings will be made in advance. Don’t bother asking us what we think, ’cause we won’t tell you; don’t bother pleading your case, ’cause it won’t matter. The time has come to grow up, Poolsters, and leave the childish ways of yesterday behind you. The future is now … or pretty soon, anyway.
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Now I am off to write up my cover letter for the Fame Committee. Will someone read it over for me before I submit it? It’s really important to me that it reads as polished.
Nemesis
July 10, 2012I saw that this girl I hate (but secretly want to be, even though I know next to nothing about her) had a byline in the Times and it reopened the wound I incurred when she failed to respond to me re: a writing project some months ago. Guess I shouldn’t have made a cum joke in my introduction email to The Paris Review?
In other news, I have somehow ended up with two copies of R. Kelly’s autobiography entitled Soula Coaster: The Story of Me.
Happy 4th!
July 4, 2012The sentiments/words of wisdom expressed in the below pieces feel very American to me (as in, written by Americans, for Americans).
Taken at the Armory Show. That’s all the credit I can give.
What did you do on your 4th? I went to the beach –– where I re-read all of Night and surreptitiously cried while tow-headed children shrieked at the tide coming in. Oh yes, I am very dark.
Woah
June 28, 2012Remember Justin Guarini of 1st season of American Idol fame? He has a one man show now called From Idol to Broadway (bad, bad title) at Joe’s Pub in New York City.
Justin Guarini’s new show “From Idol to Broadway” captures the world-class entertainer’s journey from the days of paying his dues, to skyrocketing to fame on the inaugural season of American Idol, and right through to his first of many bows on Broadway. A funny and touching look at what makes an entertainer who has carved out niches in radio, film, television, theatre, and music tick, join Justin for a blend of hilarious and sobering stories from the road, popular music that covers virtually every genre, and a voice that captivates audiences night after night.
Sidenote: doesn’t Justin Guarini circa AI look like Sideshow Bob?
Friday
June 15, 2012This weekend I’m off to a SHARK FISHING COMPETITION in Montauk, which I will be covering for Gothamist.com.
In the meantime, he is Maurice Sendak’s contact information, in case he can emerge from the underworld to pick up his mail:
Phone: 203-438-6771
Email: krakenman@aol.com
Address: 200 Chestnut Hill Road
Ridgefield, CT 06877
Itinerantdaughter's Blog 