Started off slow, but ended up crazy.
Ralph Steadman’s Alice in Wonderland.
Archive for the ‘Image Craving’ Category
Today
May 7, 2014Back By Popular Demand
May 7, 2014By request, I’ve decided to recreate one of my most popular posts of last year: quick and dirty reviews of Met Ball looks. This year, I’m using the Cut’s slideshow (which is not to say I didn’t use it last year––I genuinely don’t remember) and I have to say, I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE:
1. Beyonce: Interesting, I admit begrudgingly
2. Taylor Swift: Dancing with the Stars prom-themed reunion show
3. Lupita Nyong’o: so many feelings
4. Kim and Kanye: boring, as always
5. Anna Wintour: ditto
6. The Olsen Twins: Why do I love this?
7. Rihanna: Hashem WHEN WILL THE CROP TOP TREND DIE?
8. Anne Hathaway: the only good example of a CT I’ve seen in ages
9. Gisele: Yet another reminder that perfection is boring
10. Jessica Lange: Hello eyebrow lift
11. Kristen Stewart, I like parts and hate the whole
12. SJP: I am bizarrely underwhelmed
13. Victoria Beckham: WHY IS EVERYONE SO BORING
14. Naomi Campbell: without the cut-outs this would have been awesome in a Liberace sorta way
15. Karlie Kloss: Hate elbow length gloves on women
16. Amber Valletta: THERE ARE NO PANTS AT THE BALL! (name that movie)
17. Katie Holmes: Why kick her when she’s down?
18. Michelle Williams: I feel like I’ve seen her in this a million times before
19. Amy Adams: The first one I’ve actively liked
20. Rita Ora: Who exactly is Rita Ora?
21. Donatella Versace: Hard to look away from that face
22. Nicole Richie: I know I should hate this more than I do, but it reminds me of 8th grade
23. Jourdan Dunn and Toni Garra: Models? I like both. Then again, hard to go wrong when you’re that tall
24. Emma Stone: She looks pretty great
25. Kate Upton: Chiquita Banana, in mourning
26. Cara Delevingne: Michelle Rodriguez was a bad sartorial influence
27. Kirsten Dunst: Oh please
28. Lena Dunham: What I want to say will certainly not be PC
29. Jenna Lyons: AHHHH IT’S A TALL GOLUM
30. Marion Cotillard: Not so bad from this angle, but I think I’d hate it from a different one
31. Solange: Is that a bad toupee?
32. Joy Bryant: Hello 2001?
33. Chloe Sevigny: forgot the gestalt aspect
34. Jessica Pare: Not bad
35. Kristein Wiig: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PANTS
36. Bradley Cooper: skipping stupid boys
37. Shailene Woodley: Disaster
38. Amber Heard: fine, but Johnny Depp looks like Ebenezer Scrooge out on the town
39. Florence Welch: Never change
40. Zoe Saldana: Decent
41. Kate Bosworth: decent, albeit sorta emaciated
42. Stephanie Seymour: Chiquita Banana, at play!
43. Rachel McAdams: too monochrome for her own good
44. Rashida Jones: the ball gown thing doesn’t really work for her
45. Erykah Badu: Pharrell’s hat on steroids
46. Maggie Gyllenhaal: Someone else said it best––a 70s cult leader all dressed up
47. Stella McCartney: Why so glum?
48. Allison Williams: nice
49. Frank Ocean: I think I like him, in general
50. Charlize Theron: lose the jacket
51. Margot Robbie: Oof
52. Miguel: who?
53. Naomi Watts: I’d also like to get rid of this sheer bottom trend thing
54. Claire Danes: I hate it despite the fact that it’s relatively unoffensive
55. Chrissy Teigen: A little strange in the stomach area, but different, so yay?
56. Anna Kendrick: Didn’t she wear this to the Oscars?
57. Emmy Rossum: tablecloth
58. Kate Mara: moss on a rock
59. BOY
60. Chanel Iman: She looks great, but A$AP ROCKY is terrifying
61. Hailee Steinfeld: Um. It’s not doing anything for me.
62. Blake Lively: The usual Barbie fare
63. Elizabeth Olsen: Toddlers & Tiaras (although I dig the shoes)
64. Sarah Silverman: I cannot deal with her in this context
65. Christy Turlington: Well done
66. Rosamund Pike: No
67. Donna Karan: diaphanous ain’t working for her
68. Reese Witherspoon: Yeah I like it
69. Joan Smalls: The lipstick would have worked LAST YEAR
70.Karolina Kurkova: Very… large
71. Adele Exarchopoulos: I didn’t even recognize her. Hm. I need to think about this.
72. Bee Shaffer: Alright
73. Dee Hilfiger: Poorly executed Mad Men reference?
74. Fei Fei Sun, Marina Rust, Tori Burch: Okay for the first two, I take back what I said re: gloves. Tori, on the other hand, looks matronly.
75. Karen Elson: Kinda love it.
76. Maggie Q: Who?
77. BOY
78. Alexa Chung: I am positive I would have loved this when I was 21
79. Chloe Grace Moretz: I am rooting for this kid, really
80. Amanda Peet: Makes her look dumpy. Which is… crazy.
81. Robin Deardon: Fine
82. Zooey Deschanel: Too prom-y
83. Sofia Coppola: I don’t hate this!
84. Diane Kruger: Nice, but a little old for her?
85. Janelle Monae: Hipster matador
86. DUDE
87. Greta Gerwig: UUUUUUGHHHH
88. Felicity Jones: Coulda used some make-up?
89. Kendall Jenner: I respectfully decline to recognize her existence
90. Natalie Massenet: Her torso looks like book pages flapping in the wind
91. Jessica Alba: Makes her look pregnant, oddly
92. MEN (ish)
93. Lily Allen: Hate. Loathe. Despise.
94. Oh I just can’t
95. Lake Bell: She looks bomb.
96. Elettra Wiedemann: They spelled her last name wrong. That’s all I’ve got.
97. GUGU!?
98. Olivia Munn: Would have been better with slightly less tit
99. Riley Keough: Disqualified for pants
100. Fabiola Beracasa: Uh, sure. Not wild about the color but everything else is pretty glam.
101. Lea Michele: A poor man’s Amy Adams in American Hustle
102. Catherine Martin: Delightfully wacky
103. Kylie Minogue: Yawn
104. Zoe Kravitz: I can actually SEE YOUR VAGINA
105. Hayden Panettiere: Prom in Palm Beach
106.Elaina Watley: I don’t know who this is, and I never want to see her dress again.
107. Leighton Meester: I don’t hate this.
108. Laetitia Casta: Hm. Interesting. The cut on top is a little dumpy but otherwise not bad.
109. Ruth Wilson: I like her face?
110. Selena Gomez: She dresses like a 47 year old
111. Lily Aldridge: She is as exciting to me as Melba toast
112. Ming Xi: My lord she is slim
113. Michelle Monaghan: You go, Maggie!
114. Julie Macklowe: It’s so bright.
115. Ivanka Trump: Rivals #114 for worst color
116. BOY
117. Dree Hemingway: I’ve stayed up since I saw this trying to decipher how I feel about it
118. Imogen Poots: Her last name sounds like how I feel about this dress
119. Livia Guggioli: Orange and black––bold idea
120. Dianna Agron: Feh
121. Georgia May Jagger: My lesbian crush looks awesome
122. Suki Waterhouse: Looks way skinner than she did last week, eh? Dress is fine?
123. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Yeah, okay, I’m into it!
124. Liu Wen: A
125. Dita Von Teese: the mermaid tail is amazing
126. Katie Couric: Does nothing for her
127. Emily Cole: Is that his daughter? That’s as much enthusiasm as I can muster
128. Giovanna Battaglia: Looks like it’s going to fall off
129. Gabrielle Union: Burn this
130. BOY
131. Dakota Johnson: Do we just have to lie down and take her fame now?
132. Brie Larson: Clown with a spending problem. Or something. PLEASE KILL ME.
133. Stacy Martin: Man, what a person with a teaspoon of fashion sense could do with her body. Sigh.
134. LaLa Anthony: WOAH
135. Sandra Lee: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
136. Arizona Muse: Yep, awesome
137. Aerin Lauder: Is it weird that I keep thinking about how old we’re all getting?
138. Tabitha Simmons: Interesting but it sort of makes her look… stout?
139. BOY
140. Nancy Chilton: I should know who this is
141. Oof, Anna Wintour’s son looks… not cute
142. BOY
143. Coco Brandolini and Bianca Brandolini: They look just like the D&G ads?
144. Idina Menzel: Lea Michele made bigger
145. Selby Drummond: Thoughtful, at least?
146. Hannah Bagshawe: LIPSTICK: wear it.
147. Sandrina Bencomo: Don’t like the hoop at the waist, but it seems like it would be hard for her to look really horrible.
OMG That was painful. Off to have a morning martini…
Aw Shit
April 25, 2014Black perfume!
Can someone make a black cocktail, while we’re at it?
Happy Almost-Birthday/Passover
April 15, 2014
They’re ready to go!
Treif Alert!
April 2, 2014More freelancer problems: some days you spend all afternoon trying to draw portraits of Clarice Lispector, and they all turn out wrong, because she just looks too damn happy.
This week, if nothing else, at least I finally read The Passion of G.H., which has been on my list for at least five years. It was strange and boring and exhilarating and transcendent and crass all at once. Thanks, Lispector! In the translator’s note was this fittingly eerie anecdote about Clarice’s interaction with a super fan:
“A friend in Brazil told me of a young woman in Rio who’d read Clarice Lispector obsessively and was convinced––as I and legions of other Clarice devotees have been––that she and Clarice Lispector would have a life-changing connection if they met in person. She managed to get in touch with the writer, who kindly agreed to meet her. When the young woman arrived, Clarice sat and stared at her and said nothing until the woman finally fled the apartment.”
Holy fuck! Can you imagine this face staring at you for even more than one second?
In other news, two days ago, while napping after reading a passage, I dreamed I very reluctantly choked down grilled snake.
A Post for My Idiot Boyfriend
April 1, 2014Here you are, dear!
Bane?
A Freelancer’s Life
March 28, 2014Sometimes when you’re a freelancer, you write two essays a day. Sometimes you talk to 70 high school kids for three hours. Sometimes you peruse Amazon.com for “fridge magnets” (yes, I am currently obsessed with fridge magnets) and find yourself cackling to yourself on your couch, your hands covered in Cheez-It dust, when you find this:
YESSSS
Grace Kelly’s Daddy Issues
March 24, 2014Grace’s rough-hewn father, John B. Kelly Sr., was already well on his way to parlaying a $7,000 stake into a multimillion-dollar masonry empire when he married a photographer’s model, Margaret Majer. It was “Ma” Kelly who established a set of rules that Grace would live by: “Be just, be punctual, buy only what you need and pay cash.”
Seemingly aloof and withdrawn, Grace grew up under the shadow of achievement (though John B. Kelly’s financial success—he built Philly’s Packard Building—could not buy him Main Line social acceptance). Grace’s father was a superb athlete who had given up boxing to take up rowing and in 1920 won the Olympic single sculls championship at Antwerp. When he wasn’t allowed to compete in England’s prestigious Diamond Sculls at Henley because he “worked with his hands,” he found an avenger: his own son. Kell vindicated his father by becoming a championship rower himself, winning not only the Diamond Sculls but almost every other single sculls championship in the world.
Friends now say John B.’s single-minded determination was not always healthy. “John expected a great deal from his kids,” says Gam. (Years later, his son Kell’s self-confessed philandering helped shatter his first marriage and caused the mother of his six children to remarry and leave Philadelphia. In 1975 Kell’s well-publicized fling with a striking transsexual named Rachel Harlow—formerly Richard Finocchio—was a factor in his decision to drop out of the mayoral contest in Philadelphia when the opposition threatened to campaign with the slogan “Do you want Rachel Harlow as First Lady of Philadelphia?”)
Grace had her own problems with her demanding father(who died in 1960). She did play hockey and swim, if only to please her dad, but with some trepidation. “Poor Grace was something of an outsider at home,” said a friend. “John wasn’t interested in anyone unathletic. He had no appreciation of culture.” From the beginning Grace preferred solitude. She wore heavy-rimmed glasses to read, danced barefoot with her tomboy older sister Peggy (who often went without stockings or shoes) and would daydream about becoming a dancer, an actress, a nurse or an FBI agent. “Grace wasn’t shy like you read everywhere,” insists Peggy, Daddy’s favorite, “she was just quiet.” Still, Lizanne recalls the day “I hid Grace in the closet—and nobody missed her.”
(From People Magazine’s Tribute Piece)
Grace dancing with John
Oh Jesus
March 21, 2014I had grand plans to write something here––a Q&A Fran Lebowitz style, a dissection of a recent funny encounter I had with a child actress, a poem by Elise Cowen (come to think of it, I should have gone that route)––BUT I just spoke to high schoolers for THREE HOURS about my book, life, etc., and I’m totally wiped. All I want right now is meat and a nap. So, with that in mind, the coolest thing I’ve seen in ages:
Meat?
My Coworker’s Throwback Thursday
March 4, 2014
Way, way back.
Itinerantdaughter's Blog 