His mother and I are going through a trial separation
I drink too much
We made him watch The Holy Mountain
The creepy neighbor babysat
I forgot him at Epcot Center
We’re vegan
Childhood-onset Bipolar Disorder
Archive for the ‘Lists’ Category
Diagnonsense
April 10, 2013The piece on Vulture where a psychiatrist evaluates Don Draper reminded me that my friend and I wanted to start a blog a la the Composites where we’d diagnosis various literary and film characters with different mental disorders. Here is a list of possible subjects, so far. I don’t know why I bother with these caveats, as it’s not like they’re binding, but don’t steal my shit! Or maybe I should say, a la Michael in Mad Men, “Whatever, I got a million great ideas.”
1. Scarlett O’Hara
2. Quentin Compson
3. Infinite Jest –– Hal Incandenza
4. Apocalypse Now –– Colonel Kurtz
5. Black Swan –– whatever Natalie Portman’s name is
6. Jan from The Office (definitely Borderline)
7. Holly Golightly
8. George Costanza
9. Holden Caulfield
10. Christian Grey (50 Shades)
11. Heathcliff and Whatever her name is from Wuthering Heights (codependent)
12. Marla Singer from Fight Club
13. Withnail from Withnail and I (depression, substance abuse disorder)
14. Isabelle Huppert’s character from The Piano Teacher
15. Job
16. A muppet?
17. Madame Bovary and/or Anna Karenina
SPAM?
March 20, 2013I got at my work email a rather spammy sounding email from a publishing company advertising a new work by a man named Mikhail Armalinsky. No other information is required.
—
M. Armalinsky was born in Leningrad, USSR in 1947 and resides in Minneapolis, USA since 1977.
He is called the King of Russian Erotic Literature.
He is called the King of Russian Erotic Literature.
Mikhail Armalinsky is not just another talented Russian author, but the revolutionary profit of erotic religion. No Russian author reached the depths of human sexual mentality as Armalinsky did.
His new book has just came out in Moscow
WHAT CAN BE BETTER?
by Mikhail Armalinsky
Short stories and essays. (in Russian)
Ladomir Publisher, Moscow, 2012
528 p., hard cover
ISBN 978-5-86218-503-4
The book comprise Armalinsky’s short stories and essays written from 1999 to 2010 that have originally appeared in his blog General Erotic (GE). Includes his controversial works like:
Einstein as a Fucker and I as Einstein,
Ideal Rape
The Benefit of Sexual Pleasure for Children and others.
Armalinsky is also the publisher of Russian authors of erotic literature
He is the editor of the following collections:
Children’s Erotic Folklore
Russian Shameless Proverbs and Sayings
The First Almanac of Russian Erotic Literature “Copulation”
Armalinsky has translated and published first complete Russian edition of “Philosophy in the Bedroom” by Marquis de Sade.
Since 1999 Armalinsky publishes General Erotic Literary Magazine (in Russian) on Internet
The New York’ Museum of Sex has acquired genital flag by Mikhail Armalinsky. The title of that symbolic art piece is “United State.”
In 1989 “United State” flag made the cover of “Screw Magazine”.
You are welcome to read the translation from Russian of Mikhail Armalinsky’s essay on prostitution “A She-Savior” that was published in Moscow edition of his Selected Works. The translation is made by the prominent Slavic scholar Dr. Brian Baer.
The main idea of the essay “A She-Savior” is that the legalization of prostitution must be based on a return of its divine, sacred character, so that prostitution will be considered the most honorable profession, the one closest to God, the holiest.
Here are the chapters:
A Short History of Prostitution
A Comprehensive Definition of the Prostitute
Why Young Men Need Prostitutes
Why the Lonely Need Prostitutes
Why Married Men Need Prostitutes
Why the Poor Need Prostitutes
Why Old Men Need Prostitutes
Why the Sick and Deformed Need Prostitutes
Why Every Man Needs a Prostitute
The Prostitute and the “Proper” Woman
The Causes and Incentives of Prostitution
Hatred of Prostitutes
The Future of Prostitution
I would be happy to provide you with more information.
Philanthropy
March 18, 2013In addition to starting my scholarship program for spiritual seekers, when I make my millions, I will develop projects such as the one a Mr. James Schober is pursuing. From TMZ:
Nobody wants to pay for a Casey Anthony interview … but there IS someone who’s offered to pay $10,000 in order to keep the alleged child murderer SILENT for the rest of her life … TMZ has learned.
According to new court documents filed in Anthony’s bankruptcy case, Casey’s camp has received a $10k offer from a man hoping to obtain exclusive rights to Casey’s life story.
But the buyer doesn’t want to make a movie, put her on TV or write a book — the docs explain his sole motivation is to “prevent Ms. Anthony or others from publishing or profiting from her story in the future.”
The man seeking to purchase the rights is James M. Schober — and as far as we can tell, he’s just a random guy with no ties to Anthony or her family.
The trustee handling the bankruptcy case has been tasked with identifying anything of value that can be used to pay back the $800k Casey owes her creditors.
As far as we can see, there’s no way the judge will green-light Schober’s plan. First, even Casey doesn’t have the exclusive right to her story — someone could write an unauthorized biography. Besides that … there’s no way a judge would force the sale of thoughts in Casey’s head.
It’s very weird … but the bankruptcy trustee is totally into selling Casey’s story, because he’s asking the court if he can create a bidding war.
He shouldn’t hold his breath.
—
Although if TMZ is correct and he wants to sell the story , then my idea differs slightly because I was just pay for people to be quiet forever. If I were to make this boatload of money soon, for example, I would make New York Magazine stop constantly running “stories” about Girls (the sheer FREQUENCY of the coverage induces rage) and Gwyneth Paltrow cease and desist penning cookbooks. Full list to follow.
Comedic or Depressing or Both?
March 8, 2013Below is a list of topics “trending” (I think I’m using this correctly here) on Jezebel.com. This makes me feel something, and I don’t know what it is, but it ain’t good.
ADVICE
ANNE HATHAWAY
CANNIBAL COP
CLASS RAGE
CRAP TEXTS FROM A DUDE
DATING
DIRT BAG
DRUGS
DUDES
FEMINISM
GENDERAL INTEREST
GIRLS
LADY BUSINESS
MAG HAG
MIDWEEK MADNESS
MOTHERHOOD
MOVIES
OSCARS
PENISES
RAPE RAPE
ROE V WORLD
SEX
THE BACHELORETTE
THE SEQUESTER
THE THIRTIES
WEIGHTY MATTERS
YOUR IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND
To Do
January 16, 20131. Create GIF of Irene’s “Slap Heard Round the World” from the Seattle Real World
2. Trade Tide detergent for crack cocaine
3. Contact ghost of Jon Benet Ramsay via Ouija board
Psychological Study Results That Are So Fucking Obvious
December 8, 2012This is the second time I’ve done this. Some of these are so logical it angers me that they spent money actually STUDYING them (see #1 for starters.)
1. Using Facebook to keep tabs on an ex after a breakup may delay emotional recovery and personal growth (Brunel University, England.)
2. Moving to a less impoverished neighborhood appears to increase mental health and happiness (University of Chicago)
3. Just putting your cell phone on the table may reduce in-person conversation quality (University of Essex)
4.Veterans who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder and are also battling drug or alcohol problems appear to face a higher risk of death than those who do not have substance abuse issues (University of Michigan)
Thanks (I guess) to Monitor on Psychology magazine.
Even Charming Pretty Girls Who Have New Kittens Can Have Bad Days
December 6, 2012Reasons Why I Wanted to Control-Alt-Delete My Day
1. I stayed up until 3 AM for no real reason other than that I was stressed and also somewhat engrossed in an episode of a very bad television show.
2. I awoke feeling totally cracked out and already exhausted.
3. I got a piece back from an editor who said that while there was interesting stuff contained within, I “didn’t lay out the facts coherently.”
4. I had to oversee my boss’s pre-colonoscopy regimen (only juice and jello and laxatives for 24 hours) which resulted in him phoning his doctor at 3:30 and whining to the secretary that he was SO HUNGRY THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL. (She was less than sympathetic.)
5. Others, on which I won’t elaborate.
Three Celebrities I THINK I’ve Seen Over the Past 24 Hours…
October 16, 2012… but am not 100% positive.
1. Jim Jarmusch
2. Shawn Astley
3. Brendan Sexton III
16 Ways To Say “Potato” in Poto-and-Cabengo-Ese
October 13, 20121. poo day dooz
2. puh da tut
3. buh da duh
4. puh tay toe sa led
5. po ta too
6. puh day too tah
7. po da tuht
8. po da too
9. po day tah ta led
10. puh tah ta let
11. boo day poo tile
12. buh da too
13. puh tay toe ta led
14. puh ted ta led
15. puh tay to tah
16. puh toe toe
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