Itinerantdaughter's Blog

The piece on Vulture where a psychiatrist evaluates Don Draper reminded me that my friend and I wanted to start a blog a la the Composites where we’d diagnosis various literary and film characters with different mental disorders.  Here is a list of possible subjects, so far.  I don’t know why I bother with these caveats, as it’s not like they’re binding, but don’t steal my shit!  Or maybe I should say, a la Michael in Mad Men, “Whatever, I got a million great ideas.”

1. Scarlett O’Hara
2. Quentin Compson
3. Infinite Jest –– Hal Incandenza
4. Apocalypse Now –– Colonel Kurtz
5. Black Swan –– whatever Natalie Portman’s name is
6. Jan from The Office   (definitely Borderline)
7. Holly Golightly
8. George Costanza
9. Holden Caulfield
10. Christian Grey (50 Shades)
11. Heathcliff and Whatever her name is from Wuthering Heights (codependent)
12. Marla Singer from Fight Club
13. Withnail from Withnail and I   (depression, substance abuse disorder)
14. Isabelle Huppert’s character from The Piano Teacher
15. Job
16. A muppet?
17. Madame Bovary and/or Anna Karenina

In addition to starting my scholarship program for spiritual seekers, when I make my millions, I will develop projects such as the one a Mr. James Schober is pursuing.  From TMZ:

Nobody wants to pay for a Casey Anthony interview … but there IS someone who’s offered to pay $10,000 in order to keep the alleged child murderer SILENT for the rest of her life … TMZ has learned.

According to new court documents filed in Anthony’s bankruptcy case, Casey’s camp has received a $10k offer from a man hoping to obtain exclusive rights to Casey’s life story.

But the buyer doesn’t want to make a movie, put her on TV or write a book — the docs explain his sole motivation is to “prevent Ms. Anthony or others from publishing or profiting from her story in the future.”

The man seeking to purchase the rights is James M. Schober — and as far as we can tell, he’s just a random guy with no ties to Anthony or her family.

The trustee handling the bankruptcy case has been tasked with identifying anything of value that can be used to pay back the $800k Casey owes her creditors.

As far as we can see, there’s no way the judge will green-light Schober’s plan.  First, even Casey doesn’t have the exclusive right to her story — someone could write an unauthorized biography.  Besides that … there’s no way a judge would force the sale of thoughts in Casey’s head.

It’s very weird … but the bankruptcy trustee is totally into selling Casey’s story, because he’s asking the court if he can create a bidding war.

He shouldn’t hold his breath.

—

Although if TMZ is correct and he wants to sell the story , then my idea differs slightly because I was just pay for people to be quiet forever.  If I were to make this boatload of money soon, for example, I would make New York Magazine stop constantly running “stories” about Girls (the sheer FREQUENCY of the coverage induces rage) and Gwyneth Paltrow cease and desist penning cookbooks.  Full list to follow.

Below is a list of topics “trending” (I think I’m using this correctly here) on Jezebel.com.  This makes me feel something, and I don’t know what it is, but it ain’t good.

ADVICE

ANNE HATHAWAY

CANNIBAL COP

CLASS RAGE

CRAP TEXTS FROM A DUDE

DATING

DIRT BAG

DRUGS

DUDES

FACEBOOK

FEMINISM

GENDERAL INTEREST

GIRLS

LADY BUSINESS

MAG HAG

MIDWEEK MADNESS

MOTHERHOOD

MOVIES

OSCARS

PENISES

RAPE RAPE

ROE V WORLD

SEX

THE BACHELORETTE

THE SEQUESTER

THE THIRTIES

WEIGHTY MATTERS

YOUR IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND

This is the second time I’ve done this.  Some of these are so logical it angers me that they spent money actually STUDYING them (see #1 for starters.)

1. Using Facebook to keep tabs on an ex after a breakup may delay emotional recovery and personal growth (Brunel University, England.)

2. Moving to a less impoverished neighborhood appears to increase mental health and happiness (University of Chicago)

3. Just putting your cell phone on the table may reduce in-person conversation quality (University of Essex)

4.Veterans who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder and are also battling drug or alcohol problems appear to face a higher risk of death than those who do not have substance abuse issues (University of Michigan)

Thanks (I guess) to Monitor on Psychology magazine.