I’m thinking of starting a funny Twitter dedicated solely to calling myself out for my (occasionally!) terrible taste in music. So sample tweets would be like, “Just a thirty-something white woman walking around streaming Lil Peep, nothing to see here, folks!” or “Wearing my baby in a Bjorn and listening to ‘Timber’ by Pitbull (featuring Ke$ha).” Thoughts?
Funny? Please Vote
November 25, 2019Synonym Envy
November 14, 2019I clicked on a link to this article about a potential anti-semitic hate crime spree in Brooklyn (what else is new) but honestly, I stayed for the fact that this writer managed to get really creative with his synonyms. A KNAVE?! Well done, Ben Verde, well done.
The Police Department’s Hate Crime Task Force is investigating an allegedly anti-Semitic egging spree in Kensington this weekend.
In one incident, a knave hurled an egg into the open door of a synagogue near Dahill and Cortelyou roads a around 6:17 pm, striking the wall of the house of worship — but missing the worshipers, cops said.
Ten minutes earlier, a hooligan had tossed an egg at a woman on 38th Street near 15th Avenue — barely missing the unsuspecting woman.
And on Sunday, some goons pelted a 50-year-old woman in the back with eggs on the same stretch of 38th street at around 4:15 pm, according to police — who confirmed that both victims were Jewish, and are treating all three incidents as connected.
The egg attacks come amid a significant surge of hate crimes in New York over the past year, with anti-semitic incidents seeing the biggest spike.
Between January and early October, the Police Department recorded 323 hate crimes — marking a 33-percent increase over the same time frame the year before. Meanwhile, anti-semitic crimes have risen 63-percent, according to authorities.
Inspiration Everywhere!
November 7, 2019Honestly the LEWK is these Pacific Northwestern Slavic anti-vaccine protestors.
Duh
November 4, 2019
Obviously TECH EXPERTS say that.
My People
November 2, 2019Do you ever read something or hear some story or encounter something and think to yourself, “Ah, my people are out there!”? Kind of how I felt discovering Tony Hoagland.
Hard Rain
After I heard It’s a Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall
played softly by an accordion quartet
through the ceiling speakers at the Springdale Shopping Mall,
I understood: there’s nothing
we can’t pluck the stinger from,
nothing we can’t turn into a soft-drink flavor or a t-shirt.
Even serenity can become something horrible
if you make a commercial about it
using smiling, white-haired people
quoting Thoreau to sell retirement homes
in the Everglades, where the swamp has been
drained and bulldozed into a nineteen-hole golf course
with electrified alligator barriers.
“You can’t keep beating yourself up, Billy,”
I heard the therapist say on television
to the teenage murderer,
“about all those people you killed—
You just have to be the best person you can be,
one day at a time—”
And everybody in the audience claps and weeps a little,
because the level of deep feeling has been touched,
and they want to believe that
the power of Forgiveness is greater
than the power of Consequence, or History.
Dear Abby:
My father is a businessman who travels.
Each time he returns from one of his trips,
his shoes and trousers
are covered with blood—
but he never forgets to bring me a nice present;
Should I say something?
Signed, America.
I used to think I was not part of this,
that I could mind my own business and get along,
but that was just another song
that had been taught to me since birth—
whose words I was humming under my breath,
as I was walking through the Springdale Mall.
A Great Disclaimer
October 17, 2019Please note: a gun is used onstage, and gunshots are heard offstage, during the show. Additionally, herbal cigarettes are used in this production.
Post-Script from Friday
October 16, 2019Just a little update to my Friday post: My husband generously pointed out to me that while my post was “good,” I flubbed one thing, which is that Jesus did not say outright he had come to supplant the law. Rather, he said, during the Sermon on the Mount, that he had come to “fulfill” it. What exactly does that mean? Of course, Jesus liked to speak in parables, so the enigmatic statement was left to be clarified by his Apostles later: in Acts 15, when Paul and Barnabas go to the Council at Jerusalem, long story short, they proclaim that the laws of Moses have been abolished (to put it heavy-handedly) and that people shall be saved “through the grace of our Lord Jesus” alone. So, while the point of my phrasing was correct––most Christians (save Seventh Day Adventists) do not consider Hebraic law to apply to them (nor do Hebrews!)––the literal phrasing of it––that Jesus said this outright––was wrong. Sorry! I am going to leave up my mistake for all to see because that’s how big a person I am!
Deleted post!
October 11, 2019
Sorry! I want to use this material elsewhere!
Sorry, Christopher Hitchens
October 8, 2019Okay so I know Christopher Hitchens made a fairly compelling case against Mother Teresa, but I really do like this anecdote about her and I feel the same:
Once, on New Year’s Eve, a reporter asked Mother (now Saint) Teresa of Calcutta, “If you could change one thing in the world this New Year, what would it be?” Her reply: “myself.”
Amen, Teresa, Amen. Gmar chatima tova, everyone!
Amended for absence of any doubt: If I could change anything about the world this year it would be myself, NOT Mother/Saint Teresa.
This Shouldn’t Be Funny
September 19, 2019… but it is!
From a forum in Reddit where people crowdsource legal advice.
