The Worst Sales Pitch Ever

December 15, 2011

Not surprisingly, I am not on LinkedIn, but of course they send me tons of emails asking me to join (or suggesting that, without my knowing it, I am already a part of it.)

Here is one they sent me this morning, with possibly the least enticing hook line of all time:

“ID, see who you already know on LinkedIn.”

…

But… I already know them.  So… why do I need LinkedIn?  Well, lovers of social networking would say, perhaps it’s an easier way to keep in touch?  But LinkedIn digs its grave even deeper!  It continues on to say:

Now it’s easy to connect with people you email.

…

But… I ALREADY EMAIL THEM.  WE’RE ALREADY CONNECTED.  So if LinkedIn knows that I already know these people and also that I already email with them… then what exactly are they offering me?

PSA announcement to, oh, everyone: Just try harder, okay?

Good night, sweet prince; And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest

December 14, 2011

George and little Sylvia!

Listen, I’m pretty cynical, I swear.  I don’t read self-help, try not to use the word “vibes,” and never take intellectually serious anyone who asks me what my sign is.  So I’ll get it if you don’t believe me on this, but hear me out…

Last night I had a dream I was back at Shakespeare & Co., the storied bookstore (pun intended) where I stayed in Paris a month ago.  There were a number of us “tumbleweeds,” all pale girls with long hair wearing ethereal, long white dresses.  It was very sunny outside.  The staff told us all to come upstairs because they wanted to talk to us.  My first thought was, “Oh no, we’re in trouble because we forgot to lock the door or weren’t on time for our shifts or something or other.”  When we got upstairs, we paired off and held hands, for some reason, and then they told us that George Whitman had died.  I remember a wail, and me bending at the waist and beginning to sob.

And then this afternoon, my dad send me this:

Founder of Paris Bookstore Shakespeare & Co. Dies

By JENNY BARCHFIELD

Paris (AP) — George Whitman, the American bibliophile whose iconic English-language Paris bookshop, Shakespeare and Company, has been a haven for book lovers for more than half a century, died Wednesday, the store announced on its website. He was 98 years old.

Whitman “died peacefully at home in the apartment above his bookshop,” two months after having suffered a stroke, a posting on the store’s site said. Whitman “showed incredible strength and determination up to the end” and read every day with his daughter, Sylvia, his friends and his cat and dog, it said.

“Nicknamed the Don Quixote of the Latin Quarter, George will be remembered for his free spirit, his eccentricity and his generosity – all three summarized in the Yeats verses written on the walls of his open, much-visited library: ‘Be not inhospitable to strangers / Lest they be angels in disguise’,” it said.

Nestled on the left bank of the Seine River, Shakespeare & Company is a veritable warren of books, stacked with volumes from floor to ceiling. Since its founding in 1951, the shop has been a beacon for writers and would-be writers, whom Whitman allowed to crash in the store in exchange for help around the shop. Boarders, browsers and Whitman’s beloved pets could be seen snoozing among the stacks. Any visitor is welcome to curlup to read in the comfy chairs that dot the store.

In an interview this year with The Associated Press, Whitman’s daughter and the store’s manager, Sylvia Whitman, said “My father says it’s a Socialist utopia masquerading as a bookstore.”

Whitman was born on December 12, 1913, in East Orange, New Jersey. His twin loves of the written word and foreign travel were nurtured early on, when his father, a physics professor who authored several books on science, took the family along for a yearlong sabbatical at a university in China in 1925.

After a host of adventures abroad in his early 20s, Whitman enlisted in the U.S. Army. During World War II, he was trained as a Medical Warrant Officer and treated the wounded at hospitals across Europe, the posting said.

Whitman moved to Paris permanently under the GI Bill in 1948. Three years later, he founded his bookshop in a rickety old building directly across the Seine River from Notre Dame cathedral. Initially baptized “Le Mistral” after the blustering winds that blow in off the Mediterranean, the shop’s name was later changed.

Regarded as an institution of Paris’ cultural scene, Whitman was made an officer of arts and letters by the French Culture Ministry in 2006. Whitman is to be buried in Paris’ venerable Pere Lachaise cemetery, where the remains of giants of literature including Oscar Wilde, Balzac and French poet Guillaume Apollinaire rest, the posting said. The date of the funeral has not yet been set.

Whitman is survived by his daughter, who will continue to run the bookstore.

Texts from the Past Few Days

December 12, 2011

IS/PS: I’m stuck in traffic adjacent to a store called interior illusions.  I thought you would appreciate this.

—-

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.  Thoughts?
LB: id come.

and i wouldn’t heckle.

Me: Good enough for me.

——

HW: Hav tmporary phon but it is missing th lttrs btwn c an g.  How phun phor mi.  Gt any sliip last night?

—–

LB: I’m reading about being a Taurus, as if it will help explain the way I am.

Me: Ha!  I’ve never felt like a typical Taurun.  What does it say about us?

LB: Hard-headed pragmatists

Yet inhumanly flexible

Ha.  And we’re susceptible to charm.

Sorry, but this is good.  We enjoy the pleasure of the table and bed.

And, when things aren’t going well, we may sink into an emotional slump for long periods of time.

Me: This all sounds familiar.

A Weekend Inside, Working

December 11, 2011

“It is not necessary that you leave the house. Remain at your table and listen … The world will present itself to you for its unmasking.”

Thanks for the support, Kafka.

Another Book in the Wall

December 9, 2011

I would be probably the 8 millionth person to praise the practice of using books as decoration objects, so I won’t.  Instead, I will present you with a small anecdote and then a few images.

When I was living at the bookstore in Paris (“living” used lightly, as I was there for only nine days) the owner, Sylvia Whitman, said that the reason they prohibited customers from taking pictures downstairs was because, among privacy reasons, one woman took a picture of the books, made a wallpaper of the image, and then sold it to Philippe Starck (or something like that… somehow this wallpaper ended up in Philippe Starck hotels.)

I was wondering if perhaps this was the same wallpaper I found the other day on Anthropologie.com…

I really like it!

… which I must admit I really like!   I even like the use of it in this fake catalog room:

= SUBTLE

Here is a picture I took at S & Co., which I now use as my desktop background.  Looks almost as cool as the catalog room.

Taken UPSTAIRS!

Go ahead, steal it.  If you manage to make some profit off it, just take me out for a glass of wine.

Thank You, LB

December 5, 2011

I transcribe interviews for a documentary film company for extra dolla dolla dolla billz, and while they make me sign a non-disclosure agreement so I have to be slightly coy about it, I wanted to share with you the following:

A semi-prominent author and historian commenting on the subject of an upcoming documentary, a former Hollywood actress.

“But she was so young.  I mean, she was thirty six… who knows who they are at thirty-six?”

This is excellent news, because I thought 30 was the cut-off for self-exploration, narcissistic inclinations, senseless neuroses and the like!  Now I learn I have at least an extra SIX YEARS before I have to start feeling sad about the fact that I’m not really “together.”  Big sigh of relief!  And this woman is an ACADEMIC, so you know it’s true.  Rejoice with me, children of the Me Generation!  Your second adolescence shall continue!

Guessing Game

December 4, 2011

Too hungover/busy to write anything of value here (I should be so bold!) so let’s play a little game I’ve coopted from People magazine.

What celebrity is this as a child?

Don’t cheat and hold your mouse on the picture!  Your victory will be hollow and your soul will have to live with your lie.

Quelle beaute!

Also, her outfit, her hair, the teddy –– everything is just WORKING for her.

Random Sartorial Thoughts Thursday

December 1, 2011

1. I have bed bugs.  I admit it.  It’s horrendous.  While packing away all my clothing and deciding which few items to keep and risk wearing, I opt, of course, for my plain black dress, numerous pairs of black tights and black flat shoes.  Then, feeling dirty and incapable of combing every inch of my body for microscopic vermin (though of course I know that bed bugs are not that small), I revive a favorite old fantasy of mine: shaving my head.  I fret for a bit about how I will look with no hair at all (probably not too attractive) and then think that maybe while I’m totally bald, before my baby hair starts to sprout again (which I think will be a cute phase!) I will wear a powder blue turban I have.  And then I think: oh my G-d.

This is it.  This is my first step toward Chasidism.  I even have green earrings that kind of look like these.  I’m going to be the chicest little cult member around.

2. I’m reading right now this article in T Magazine, the ethos and tone of which I plan to describe in some pithy one liner any. second. now, called “Vexed in Venice” by Joan Juliet Buck, which features the following paragraph:

“I thought I was an adult, but my life had not begun. I worked as an underpaid stylist for the photographer Guy Bourdin, lived in a tiny room on the Rue du Bac, was fascinated by Chairman Mao, knew people who were making the sexual revolution, was in love with three wrong men and had a dealer who sold me just enough hashish every week to make me feel like I belonged. I imagined I was simply moonlighting as the daughter of a cigar-smoking movie producer in handmade suits who spent Christmas in Venice.”

Something about this paragraph makes me want to raise my eyebrows and roll my eyes at her.  “I thought I was chic and mature in this really cool way, when in fact I was chic and mature in another way that is even MORE cool because it’s LESS obvious.  My feigned ignorance of my own coolness reveals me to be, in reality, UNCOOL.”

She also denounces her group’s Venetian agenda, which is wandering from bar to bar eating and drinking, by saying, “At 22, the three things I disliked most were eating, alcohol and walking.”  Fuck you, JJB, whining about roaming around Venice in winter time bundled up in YSL and stopping in bars to sip red wine and eat fish.  I’m a Chasid with bed bugs.  Beat that level of cool un-coolness.

My Newest Piece

November 29, 2011

Full size is 8 feet long. Can be purchased framed or unframed.

For information on purchasing this or other works by ID, please do contact Siobhan, my executive curatorial assistant, who will be more than happy to help you.  Itinerantdaughterandson@gmail.com.

God Shall Strike Me Dead Shortly

November 29, 2011

A conversation that occurred while watching Jesus Christ Superstar one evening:

Me: God, Mary Magdalene is such a fame whore.  She’s not holy at all, she just wants to be close to Jesus so she can get attention.  She’s just like Kris Humphries.

B: But if Mary Magdalene is Kris Humphries, then Kim Kardashian is ––

Me: OH LORD NO!