You are my world’s aliquot stringing.
A Piano
December 7, 2010What Are You Saying?!
December 6, 2010Oh no, New York Times!
From an article entitled “Narcissism: The Malady of Me” on the removal of Narcissism from the DSM.
“Do you follow yourself closely on Twitter? Have you been blogging regularly about your coming memoir?”
I’ve done the latter… are you calling me a narcissist?!
Currently Channeling…
December 3, 2010My look right now is:
Little girl at piano recital:
In a slightly bigger size...
Specifically/variation: Romanov sisters, particularly from the movie Nicholas and Alexandra:
I mean, honestly, those HATS!
Found!
December 2, 2010I found this on the floor of the Calder Room in the National Gallery in DC. Funny because when I’m feeling hindered by my sensual desires, I pretend to be a monkey with hand in coconut, too. I was a bodhisattva and didn’t even know it!
This is the Most Genius Thing I Have Seen in AGES
December 2, 2010The Intervention Drinking Game
Okay so MAYBE I had something to do with this, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be GENIUS! In fact…
This Was My Favorite Puzzle When I Was Young
November 30, 2010
Actually it was Verticalville 2 but there was a better e-image of this one.
A Hipster Love Poem in Three Acts
November 30, 2010The Sincere Version
Some I love
Once gave me an orchid
I killed it, by accident
I put one of the flowers inside a large book
Now it is the most beautiful,
delicate
secret little thing
***
The Snarky Version
A bi-curious guy I once loved
Gave me an orchid
I killed it, by accident (I swear)
(even though I followed all the instructions on
YahooAnswers)
I put one of the flowers inside the book I was reading, a rather pretentious 1,000 page book that is pretty much considered a modern classic and makes you appear super smart when you carry it on the L Train
(which I eventually finished, a-hem)
Now it is the most beautiful
delicate
secret little thing
And I still admire it
Even though he kind of phased me out and I think is now engaged to a girl who works at Sea World?
***
The Compromise/The Truth
Someone I love(d)
once gave me an orchid
I killed it, by accident
(even though I followed all the instructions on YahooAnswers)
I put one of the flowers
inside my copy of Infinite Jest
Now it is the most beautiful
delicate
secret little thing
Thanksgiving
November 26, 2010Giving thanks for my new discovery of the season, poet Kay Ryan, whose pieces are “slim as runway models, so tiny you could almost tweet them.” Like mine!
Bitter Pill
A bitter pill
doesn’t need
to be swallowed
to work. Just
reading your name
on the bottle
does the trick.
Insulting Writers: The Neverending Game
November 23, 2010Writer Waiting
Oh this shiny new computer ––
There just isn’t nothin’ cuter.
It knows everything the world ever knew.
And with this great computer
I don’t need no writin’ tutor,
‘Cause there ain’t a single thing that it can’t do.
It can sort and it can spell,
It can punctuate as well.
It can find and file and underline and type.
It can edit and select,
It can copy and correct,
So I’ll havea whole book written by tonight
(Just as soon as it can think of what to write).
Shel Silverstein, Falling Up
A Montage Poem, “by” Me
November 21, 2010The Morning After I Drank FourLoko, I Woke Up…
face down on the floor, heart racing, no shirt or shoes, soaking wet jeans, cell phone next to my head with a note that says room 5016 (or 5061) and wallet is missing
with a black eye and no memory.
[at] 6:45am and I was in bed still wearing my shoes and my contacts. Several of my knuckles were split and there was part of an orange construction fence entangled on my coat.
with no pants or boxers…just a trader joes bag and a construction vest on.
delirious and to a robbed house. MacBook, Flatscreen, and my weed.
with several four loco cans in my sink, blood all over my face, a ruptured bursa sack and five grams of coke.
back at my friend’s house with my dress inside out, my underwear on backwards, no wallet and the suspicion that I had cried in my sleep.
wearing eyepatches, on top of each other, inside of a boat we made out of cardboard keystone packaging.
in the attic of a Super 8 covered in glowsticks
laying next to our community pool in vomit, with a broken pinky
with two topless chicks, two gallons of milk, a black eye, and 13 pizzas with a receipt from pizza hut of $164.82.
with ez mac all over me and in my bed, probably with a 200 bpm heart rate.
spooning with my ex-girlfriends dog.
on a bench on top of my friend on a bench outside american apparel with the sales lady trying to get us off.
on the bathroom floor with blood soaked shorts stuck to my leg, throwing up dinner/Loko/blood and crying like a little girl
to a text that said, “Kelly wants to know your real name, you stole her car last night.”
with a missing front tooth my face scratched up and bruised and my car window was smashed in….wtf
in the bushes in front of my house in a pile of pink puke with one of my shoes missing and scrapes on my face and a huge cut on my back.
14 hours later with a voice mail from the local police station asking me to come in and give a statement about my public urination and public drunkenness.
with my head in a mixing bowl that contained flour, unbeaten eggs (the yoke was stuck in my hair), fish sticks, yogurt, oatmeal, and (of course) some Four Loko.
The End.
Thanks to the website fourlokostories.com!
