Itinerantdaughter's Blog

…to Google Image “Colombian Necktie.”

Update: Tried it.  Not too many terrible results.  Just imagine, though!

Nothing says, “Happy New Year!” like a little magical realism!

Tuesday Afternoon Broadcast

Can a simple seed cure cancer?  A man from Queens says yes.

KPVU visited Hector Gonzalez at the liquor store he runs on Astoria Boulevard where he told us his story.

Gonzalez, 53, says he was tending to his vegetable garden one morning when he noticed seeds falling off of the old tree by his fence.  He describes them as being light pink and perfectly round.  His son Tomas claims that when he looked out his bedroom window at night he saw them glowing in the dark. By the end of the month little piles of the seeds had surrounded the tree.

Adventurous Gonzalez urged his wife, Juanita, to use the mysterious seeds in her cooking.

“My heart said, ‘Hector, these are to eat’ and so I listened.”

The Gonzalez family soon received some terrible news.  Gonzalez’s mother, who lived in the family’s foyer, was slowly dying of pancreatic cancer.

“El dolor era insoportable,” Serena Gonzalez, 84, told us.

But after two months of a steady diet of dishes made entirely from the glowing pink seeds, Serena’s cancer had all but disappeared.  The medical world is baffled by her miraculous recovery.

“It’s unfathomable,” Doctor I. L. Mackenzie, head of endocrinology at Queens Hospital says.

Since Serena Gonzalez’s recovery, thousands of desperate cancer patients have flocked to the tiny red house on 33rd Avenue in Astoria.  The local Days Inn has a waiting list for rooms and some determined souls have started camping out in local parks only to be chased out by the police.  They return nearly every evening.

So yeah, your favorite pretentious asshole has fallen under the spell of JERSEY SHORE…because, cmon, everyone knows the raunchiest reality shows are the best insight into American culture!

Plus, also , the fact that this dude named his abs THE SITUATION obviously reminds me of DeBord! And that makes it FUNNIER!

Quote Numero Uno:

Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don’t love The Situation, I’m gonna make you love The Situation.

Does anyone think he knows who Guy DeBord is?  Probably not, because we’re all smart folk here, but regardless, it’s still funny to replace abs with existential Situation and vice versa…HOURS OF FUN!!!

Update: Was a little tipsy when I wrote that.  Corrected a bit.  The foundation, however, remains rock solid.