Itinerantdaughter's Blog

I am at a fucking PANERA BREAD in NEW JERSEY. What else do I have to do besides write mini-poems? (A few are old, unearthed from a crumbling notebook.)
1. I want to be one of those crazy writers
who burns all her unfinished work
before she dies

2. This is not a haiku
fuck off

3. The little bluebird inside Charles Bukowski
would make an interesting pet

4. No words are as perfect as
holding the hand of your beloved
ergo, my life is hopeless

5. glass eggs
wet young skin
kissing babies’ heads
that was phatic
how do you feel now?

6. I wish I could show you
how deeply I feel
and I’m willing to bet
you feel the same way

7. I decided to like a boy
but he’s dating a model
oh well

8. I have nothing to say
but G-d, it feels good to wield this pen

9. Sometimes when I watch Intervention
and the addict bolts
I root for him
Like it’s a race

10. fat homeless people
one of life’s many mysteries

11. Congratulations!
The tests came back negative

12. I am in love
as blissful as
a newly indoctrinated cult member

13. I hear myself wail in my head, “I can’t do this!
I’m only a child!”
and then I realize
I’m forty-six years old

14. Sometimes we all feel a little
like Joseph K.

15. All I want in life right now
is a blank, letter-size envelope

16. Being the host of a TV show
seems like a great, easy job
how do I apply?

17. In my next life
I’d like to be a fat black lady who can sing
But can’t they all?

18. Psalms
Comfort me
This is a plea
Not a statement

19. Sometimes
Alzheimer’s seems like
The greatest gift

20. I will eat my pudding
Even though I haven’t had my meat

Iceland (Tourism.  Duh.)

The Balvenie –– the Hand Crafted Single Malt

Books, including but not limited to: Reading Jesus by Mary Gordon, Republican Gomorrah: Inside the Movement that Shattered the Party by Max Blumenthal, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literary and the Triumph of the Spectacle by Chris Hedges, New York Revisited by Henry James, You Can’t Be President: The Outrageous Barriers to Democracy in America by John R. MacArthur, Euonoia by Christian Bok (see below,) Asylum: Inside the Closed World of the State Mental Hospitals by Christopher Payne (with an essay by Oliver Sacks), Why We Cooperate by Michael Tomasello (synopsis: Understanding cooperation as a distinctly human combination of innate and learned behavior. (my analysis: yawn!))

LOTS of clean energy stuff

A biographical documentary about Joan Baez (biodoc?  Is that a genre?), as seen on PBS

StoneSoup, the literary magazine by children.  (Ms. calls it: “The New Yorker of the 8-13 set.”)

Diva-licious, a compilation of songs by female jazz artists like Diana Krall, released by NPR

David Morgan Purveyors, whose catalog includes, “Northwest Coast and Celtic jewelry, Akura pure fur felt hats, Filson outdoor clothing and much more.

Pajama-grams, which are pretty much exactly what they sound like

The Kindle!

$14 European berets

Delta

Rosetta Stone

Small text ads in the back:

“Form a real relationship with someone in extreme poverty.  Transformation through friendship, understanding and help.”

“Without doubt, the finest domino sets you can buy.  Great gift, with engravable [sic?] brass plate.”

“Philosophy of Heterosexuality –– Politically-incorrect ideas of a cigar-smoking old man.  http://www.philosophyofheterosexuality.com”

“REDEFINING RECOVERY.  Navigating the downslope of Peak Everything.”

“WHAT CORPORATE AMERICA IS REALLY  ABOUT: Read my true account at celinem@aol.com”

a nudist colony

a ghostwriter

A dating service exclusively for “graduates, students, and faculty of the Ivies, Seven Sisters, Stanford, U of Chicago, and others.”  (Others?!  Any others?  DeVry?)

Upton Tea Imports –– Purveyor of the World’s Finest Tea

“Unorthodox Erotica” Catalog for $2

“The Ultimate in Spanking Erotica:

‘Spanking Girl’s Backdoor Man’ starring Madison Young, Tom Byron, and beautiful Snow, includes every sex and spanking thrill.  $48 minutes.  VHS or DVD.  $24.95.  Color spanking brochure collection $5.”

My roommate’s birthday was a little while ago, and so I wrote her a Questionnaire/Poem, because she told me once she used to write them for herself when she was a child and fill them out.  It’s sort of fun!  Send your answers back to me and I will respond with an essay (minimum three pages) detailing your psychological make-up, sexual proclivities and chances of dying in a natural disaster.

For L, On Her Twenty-Sixth Birthday

A little poem/game I like to call

A or B

Please circle one of the following:

1.     black        or    white
2.    day        or    night
3.    up        or    down
4.    chocolate    or    vanilla
5.    fiction        or    nonfiction
6.    early        or    late
7.    fur        or    leather
8.    hot        or    cold
9.    empty        or    full
10.    the chicken    or    the egg
11.    my way     or    the highway
12.    walk        or    talk
13.    big        or    little
14.    Ben Affleck    or    Matt Damon
15.    city mouse    or    country mouse
16.    fat        or    thin
17.    whiskey    or     rum
18.    the long     or    short of it
19.    diamonds    or    pearls
20.    spring        or     summer
21.     stop        or    go
22.    nurture        or    nature
23.    left         or     right
24.    DVD        or    VHS
25.    sweet        or     salty
26.    life        or    death
27.    rock        or    hard place
28.    same        or     different
29.    French        or    Spanish
30.    top        or    bottom
31.    bed        or    breakfast
32.    winter        or    fall
33.    child        or    adult
34.    apple        or    orange
35.    World War I    or    World War II
36.    Chinese    or    Japanese
37.    rich        or    poor
38.    east        or    west
39.    fork        or    spoon
40.    crossword    or    Sudoko
41.    haiku        or    epic
42.    oil        or    watercolors
43.    salt        or    pepper
44.    coffee        or    tea
45.    cash        or    credit
46.    burial        or    cremation
47.    meth        or    crack
48.    in the body     or    attachment
49.    work        or    play
50.    book        or    movie
51.    silver        or    gold
52.    silence        or    noise
53.    crazy        or    sane
54.    round        or    square
55.    feast        or    famine
56.    war        or    peace
57.    The Beatles    or    The Rolling Stones
58.    Freud        or    Jung
59.    laughter    or    tears
60.    Yankees    or    Mets
61.    ballet        or     modern dance
62.    socialism    or    capitalism
63.    style        or    substance
64.    ocean        or    lake
65.    baroque    or    modern
66.    yourself    or    someone else
67.    caterpillar    or    butterfly
68.    blood        or    sweat
69.    moon        or    sun
70.    toasted        or    untoasted
71.    religious    or    secular
72.    butter        or     jelly
73.    rhythm     or    blues
74.    birds        or    bees
75.    walk        or    bicycle
76.    Los Angeles    or    New York
77.    the past    or    the present
78.    love        or    hate
79.    slap        or    pinch
80.    easy        or    difficult
81.    gay        or    straight
82.    water        or    wine
83.    fingers        or    toes
84.    shower        or    bath
85.    Superman    or    Batman
86.    stars        or    stripes
87.    meat         or    potatoes
88.    North Pole    or    South Pole
89.    Cinderella    or    Sleeping Beauty
90.    question    or    answer
91.    dumb        or    dumber
92.    taste        or    touch
93.    can        or    bottle
94.    dirty        or    clean
95.    paper        or    plastic
96.    tattoos        or    piercings
97.    cook        or    delivery
98.    grateful    or    dead
99.    fate        or    chance
100.    beginning    or    end?