The Intervention Drinking Game
Okay so MAYBE I had something to do with this, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be GENIUS! In fact…
The Intervention Drinking Game
Okay so MAYBE I had something to do with this, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be GENIUS! In fact…
My craftiness having been honed as a result of being unemployed, I went yesterday to test a website for a software company (something like that) and was rewarded with a $35 Amazon.com gift card. I use part of it to buy a few (bad) books I need for research but have ten dollars remaining. I don’t want to let the money languish on the card lest I forget I have it, so the question remains: what to buy?
My on-going to read/buy list:
Books to Buy/Read/Read Again
Tatjana in Color
Lost in the Cosmos
McLean book
Lucia Joyce book (In the Wake? Dancing in the Wake?)
Edna Saint Vincent Millay bio
The Lives of the Saints
A Barrel of Laughs, A Vale of Tears
fear and loathing in america: gonzo letters 2 by hunter s. thompson
can somebody shout amen? (patsy sims)
coma
frankenstein
Dracula
Sophie’s world
Confederacy of Dunces
Anna Karenina
Silent Twins by Marjorie Wallace
Thy Neighbor’s Wife by Gay Talese
When Marina Abramovic Dies by James Wescott
Mein Kampf
I Jan Cremer by Jan Cremer
flying to america by donald barthelme
wind-up bird chronicles by haruki murakami
the lost weekend by charles jackson
rings of saturn by w.g. sebald
vincent van gogh’s letters to his brother
this warhol book i can’t remember the title of
les enfants terrible by jean cocteau
the naturalist
catch 22 by joseph heller (can you believe i have never read this?)
peeling the onion and
the tin drum both by gunter grass
look homeward, angel by thomas wolfe
books by ingmar bergman (he wrote a bunch!)
collected works of wallace stevens
strangeland by tracy emin
the immoralist
the long sonata of the dead by michael robinson
diane arbus’ biography
in the labyrinth by robbe-grillet
darkness visible by william styron
suite francaise by irene nemirovsky
the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime
margarita and the master bulgokov
autobiography of a face by lucy grealey and
truth and beauty (her biography)
“TO PACK AND WEAR:
2 skirts
2 jerseys or leotards
1 pullover sweater
2 pair shoes
stockings
bra
nightgown, robe, slippers
cigarettes
bourbon
bag with:
shampoo
toothbrush and paste
Basis soap
razor, deodorant
aspirin, prescriptions, Tampax
face cream, powder, baby oil
TO CARRY:
mohair throw
typewriter
2 legal pads and pens
files
house key
This is a list which was taped inside my closet door in Hollywood during those years when I was reporting more or less steadily. The list enabled me to pack, without thinking, for any piece I was likely to do. Notice the deliberate anonymity of costume: in a skirt, a leotard, and stockings, I could pass on either side of the culture. Notice the mohair throw for trunk-line flights (i.e., no blankets) and for the motel room in which the air conditioning could not be turned off. Notice the bourbon for the same motel room. Notice the typewriter for the airport, coming home: the idea was to turn in the Hertz car, check in, find an empty bench, and start typing the day’s notes.
“It should be clear that this was a list made by someone who prized control, yearned after momentum, someone determined to play her role as if she had the script, heard her cues, knew the narrative. There is on this list one significant omission, one article I needed and never had: a watch. I needed a watch not during the day, when I could turn on the car radio or ask someone, but at night, in the motel. Quite often I would ask the desk for the time every half hour or so, until finally, embarrassed to ask again, I would call Los Angeles and ask my husband. In other words I had skirts, jerseys, leotards, pullover sweater, shoes, stockings, bra, nightgown, robe, slippers, cigarettes, bourbon, shampoo, toothbrush and paste, Basis soap, razor, deodorant, aspirin, prescriptions, Tampax, face cream, powder, baby oil, ,mohair throw, typewriter, legal pads, pens, files and a house key, but I didn’t know what time it was. This may be a parable, either of my life as a reporter during the period or of the period itself.”
~ Joan Didion, “The White Album”
This list of items for sale is posted in my neighborhood and sounds like it could be Dylan Klebold’s autumn purge or something. (Too soon?)
Star Wars memorabilia
Bruce Lee memorabilia
movie weapon replicas
rare horror magazines
The Joker framed poster
The Punisher framed poster
Marvel Super Heroes framed poster
Brandon Lee’s The Crow clock
skateboard
beanie babies
Elvira figurine
Magic the Gathering cards
trench coats
cloaks
CDs, DVDs, old VHS tapes and cassettes
There were admittedly some more “normal” items on there, like books, but my guess is that his library is full of serials and worn out copies of The Anarchists’ Cookbook.
1. Carrot Top, wearing lots of make-up and a really tight black tee, on Christmas Eve in the lobby of Little Nell’s Hotel in Aspen, Colorado.
2. Woody Allen, Soon-Yi and Diane Keaton eating dinner at Milos Restaurant on Mother’s Day, 2010
3. Robert DeNiro, in my old nutritionist’s office
4. Ryan Gosling (duh!) holding the door for me at the Equinox Gym on Lexington Avenue and 63rd Street in Manhattan
5. Bob Sagat talking to bodyguards and passing to let me by, Los Angeles, 2003
I could go on…and maybe I will later! But for now, haircut!
I am at a fucking PANERA BREAD in NEW JERSEY. What else do I have to do besides write mini-poems? (A few are old, unearthed from a crumbling notebook.)
1. I want to be one of those crazy writers
who burns all her unfinished work
before she dies
2. This is not a haiku
fuck off
3. The little bluebird inside Charles Bukowski
would make an interesting pet
4. No words are as perfect as
holding the hand of your beloved
ergo, my life is hopeless
5. glass eggs
wet young skin
kissing babies’ heads
that was phatic
how do you feel now?
6. I wish I could show you
how deeply I feel
and I’m willing to bet
you feel the same way
7. I decided to like a boy
but he’s dating a model
oh well
8. I have nothing to say
but G-d, it feels good to wield this pen
9. Sometimes when I watch Intervention
and the addict bolts
I root for him
Like it’s a race
10. fat homeless people
one of life’s many mysteries
11. Congratulations!
The tests came back negative
12. I am in love
as blissful as
a newly indoctrinated cult member
13. I hear myself wail in my head, “I can’t do this!
I’m only a child!”
and then I realize
I’m forty-six years old
14. Sometimes we all feel a little
like Joseph K.
15. All I want in life right now
is a blank, letter-size envelope
16. Being the host of a TV show
seems like a great, easy job
how do I apply?
17. In my next life
I’d like to be a fat black lady who can sing
But can’t they all?
18. Psalms
Comfort me
This is a plea
Not a statement
19. Sometimes
Alzheimer’s seems like
The greatest gift
20. I will eat my pudding
Even though I haven’t had my meat
1. Reading the audiobook of Infinite Jest
2. Karl Lagerfeld’s letter delivery girl
3. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s nanny
4. Shelving books at the New York Public Library
5. Cleaning the oil off baby animals in New Orleans like in that Dawn Soap commercial
I have maybe five clothing websites I peruse when I’m bored, mostly to fantasize about certain articles and then revisit them and tell them that I love them even though I haven’t/will not purchase them (one of my New Year’s resolutions for 2010 was not to buy any new clothing ALL YEAR. Intense, I know.)
Anyway, one of the websites I look at is modcloth.com…totally reasonably priced, cute, faux-vintage hipster dresses and dinky jewelry and home goods, but dear Lord, whoever is in charge of giving the pieces of clothing/accessories titles ought to be slapped upside the head with a flyswatter shaped like a cute cottage complete with trellis, because it’s the cheesiest shit I ever done saw!
Some examples:
Cherry Oh Dress
How Do You Dew? Dress
De Florista Dress
Frankly, I Don’t Give a Dress
Don’t Leaf Without Us Earrings
Welcome to the Club Sandwich Coasters
Boho-ken, New Jersey Dress (in Rail or Ferry, which are supposed to be the colors?)
Top of the Chic Chain Tee
Love is a Bag-lefield
I’m With the Band-eau (in Coral)
Halter, Who Goes There Dress (in White)
Don’t Shoe Want Me Wedge
I can’t do this anymore, I feel ill…
Things that I thought about that made me crack up to myself today while walking down the street probably resulting in me being labeled a neighborhood crackhead:
1. My friend met a dude at her business school (B.S.) orientation whose name…I can’t say it of course, but sans an accent, it sounds like something you could be criminally charged with.
2. Insult from the cult classic Sleepaway Camp:
“Eat shit and die, Rickie!”
“Eat shit and live, Bill.”
3. The poetic lyrics to “Ignition” by R. Kelly:
It’s the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I’m like so what I’m drunk
It’s the freakin weekend baby
I’m about to have me some fun
4. That cartoon within a cartoon on Animaniacs where a giant chicken does human stuff and nobody notices except for one dude and he’s always like, “It’s a GIANT CHICKEN! He can’t cook gourmet French food! HE’S A CHICKEN! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!”
“Revolution is the ecstasy of history.”
“Open the nurseries, the universities and all the other prisons.”
“It is forbidden to forbid.”
“Down with the spectator commodity society.”
“I take my desires for reality because I believe in the reality of my desires.”
“Underneath the paving stones, the beach!”
“We won’t ask for anything. We won’t demand anything. We’ll just take and occupy.”
“Be realistic –– demand the impossible.”
“Humanity will be happy the day the last bureaucrat is hung with the guts of the last capitalist.”
“The tears of a philistine are the nectar of the Gods.”
“Those who go halfway down the path of revolution dig their own graves.”
“Boredom is counterrevolutionary.”
“In a society that has abolished every kind of adventure the only adventure that remains is to abolish society.”
“Don’t liberate me –– I’ll take care of that.”
“We will have good masters as soon as everyone is their own.”
“Never work.”
“Conflict is the origin of everything.”
“Coming soon to this location: charming ruins.”
“The most beautiful structure is a paving stone thrown at a cop’s head.”
“Down with the abstract. Long live the ephemeral.”
“Practice wishful thinking.”
“Unbutton your mind as often as your fly.”
“Happiness is hanging your landlord.”
“I don’t know how to write but I would like to say beautiful things and I don’t know how.”
(Thanks to Andrew Mueller, Situationist International and Bureau of Public Secrets.