We here at The World Inc. (a 501C3 corporation) have an opening for a martyr with a spiritual bent in our North American division.
Qualifications: Male and female applicants will be considered, but we are particularly looking for someone young (between the ages of 17 and 30) as we want our martyr to commit to a life of asceticism for years or to perish at a relatively early age. A basic knowledge of both Western and Eastern philosophy required; deeper understanding of theology, lives of Catholic saints, the works of Saint Augustine, Simone Weil, Anaxagoras, Kierkegaard, Gandhi, and Wole Soyinka preferred. Candidates will likely have struggled with spirituality and sense of self in their youth, be naturally somewhat sickly/delicate and have a history of experimentation with Buddhism, pacifism, fundamentalism (of some kind or another,) and/or adolescent self-mutilative behaviors. No higher education necessary, though applicants with public speaking experience will be more carefully considered. Our martyr must be a go-getter, and be willing to go barefoot, shave his/her head, wear a loincloth, and face ridicule, shame, and possible imprisonment when necessary. An ambivalence toward food and appetite and a downright disdain for sex preferred as well.
Responsibilities: The spiritual martyr will be required to appear publicly at any events he/she deems appropriate, write prolifically, and fast whenever something abhorrent or sacrilege is occurring in the universe. There is a lot of room for creativity and growth in this position, so the management will not oversee your day-to-day operations. We are hoping that the candidate we ultimately choose will have a sense of when it is appropriate to lead a march through the streets, lay down in front of army tanks, and release polemics.
Compensation/benefits: Immortality, though ironically, no healthcare. Accommodations provided by way of a small hut located next to landfill in Newark, New Jersey. Travel opportunities possible.
Please contact: americanspiritualmartyrjob@gmail.com. Please include resume and manifesto IN THE BODY OF THE EMAIL. Attachments will not be opened. References from former therapists, philosophy professors, gurus, etc. appreciated.
