DFW From Another Angle

January 24, 2011

“The door opens a crack, and in the spilled, triangular glow, a tall kid wearing a red bandana over his streaming brown hair slips out. He stops six feet away and bends slightly forward –– almost a butler’s bow –– saying, Excuse me, Miss Karr. Mind if I join you?

Who is he? With his formal demeanor and gold granny glasses, he could be a student –– some Ivy League suck-up.

Join away, I say, adding as I flash my wedding ring, I’m a miz.

My goodness gracious, ma’am, he says, those are some seriously blinding stones you’re flaunting. We met before…

And we had. David was a Harvard Ph.D. candidate in philosophy I’d once been introduced to at the back of a reading by mutual pals. Some kind of genius, David’s meant to be, though his red bandana is the flag of gangster or biker, ditto the unlaced Timberland work boots.

I ask him how long he’s been coming, and he says not hardly any time, and I say it’s my first go, and he asks if I get it, and I say if I got it, I would be out here smoking. He says same with him, adding while he drank a lot, he mostly did marijuana, which can’t be so bad because it’s natural.

I say –– cleverly, I think –– Strychnine’s natural.

He concedes that’s true but also points out how, since the average pot smoker doesn’t tend to steal your TV, people don’t frown on it like they do, say, smoking crack, then plowing over the crossing guard.

We stare at the cannons facing us, both agreeing we really have better places to be as we grind our cigarettes with our boot heels. Climbing the steps back to the lighted doorway, he holds the door, bowing as he says from his scruffily bearded face (this is the pre-scruff USA.) After you, Miz Karr.

–– Mary Karr, Lit

To be continued… !!!

Speaking of Admiring

January 20, 2011

I love this picture so much. I think because I want to be this girl.

Reluctantly Admiring

January 19, 2011

I never was a big Marilyn Monroe fan, as I didn’t think she’d done anything all at interesting aside from be voluptuous, but the more I read about her, the more smitten I am.

“Even though I was born [in Los Angeles], I still can’t think of one good thing to say about it.  If I close my eyes and picture LA, all I see is one big varicose vein.” 

~From “The Beautiful Child,” published in the book Music for Chameleons by Truman Capote

Fashion Blogging for the Apocalypse

January 13, 2011

As the apocalypse is nigh, what with birds falling from the skies and crabs dying in droves and Sandra Bullock winning an Oscar, I figure it’s time for me to cash out, so this blog will now become a FASHION BLOG.  I’ve considered this before, but now I’m really going for it.  Words will be kept to a minimum.  Instead I will just put up gratuitous vanity shots of myself reclined on velvet couches or looking playfully down at a Givenchy wedge or even a close up of me making a duck pout, eyes lined with thick Kohl, little fingers brandishing fat sterling rings like I was some mobster out of Brighton Beach.  My first photo shoot will be tomorrow before I go over to my favorite bar at El Quijote in the Chelsea Hotel.  I will wear a light blue turban I swiped from my roommate (sh!), a black leotard, patterned Wolford tights, a long black skirt with gold detailing, Chanel patent leather gold and black wedge heels, twenty-four multi-colored bangles, a fur coat that is ripping at the seams (Recession Chic!  This is a new level of Bobo style) and my favorite accessory: a tear drawn with a Sharpie beneath my left eye.  Nothing says FASHION! like a criminal record.

The end is coming, my friends.  Let’s look freaky.

HOLOCAUST DREAM

January 7, 2011

My friend MH had a Holocaust dream in which I had a cameo.  She makes sure all her gchats are off the record, so I forced her to retell me the story so I could capture her voice. 

 MH:  ah ok
So basically
first I was packing up a lot of stuff
and trying to throw away stuff
and there was a major sense of anxiety and limit on time
then, it was like omg the nazi are coming
gun shots, trucks etc

and then we were trying to hide in a closet
but i couldn’t fit in the spot
so then u were like – oh i can fit in here
and then u took my hiding spot
then i woke up!

Yo, Dream Me is a BITCH!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

January 3, 2011

Awwww.

Unapologetic Rant

December 30, 2010

Sometimes people who maintain blogs have delusions of writing/e-fame grandeur.  I don’t really, but I like to imagine that I strive for some sort of substance in my posts.  I’ll let you know in advance that this post has absolutely no redeeming quality, and I am ranting to my audience of none (one?) just to get this off my chest.  As I have been poor as Heidi Fleiss post-Hollywood Madam but pre-Celebrity Rehab these past few months, I’ve spent a great deal of time perusing Craigslist looking for little part time work.  I often saw ads for internships (point of irritation number one, as that’s just fancy college talk for “slave labor”) for an e-newsletter called Scallywag and Vagabond, obviously trying to snarikly fake-it-til-they-make-it into the world of Better Than social NYC.  So that was annoying, just knowing these people existed, and then one day one of their emails mysteriously appeared in my inbox!  How they got to me I have no idea (I’ve never been a Gawker fan) so I followed the instructions at the bottom and dropped them a “note” asking to please be removed from the list.  No dice; shit still showed up in there letting me know of such pressing news items as the “The New Breed of Coke Whore” and “Have u ever lived with a Crystal Meth addict? – Oh the adventures… CRYSTAL METH BOY AND HIS SKANK.”  Finally I just marked it as Spam and yet SOMEHOW today I got the LATEST ISSUE of this piece of rubbish, re-printed to help you along with your burgeoning bulimia below:

from scoop scoop <scoop@scallywagandvagabond.com>
to
date Wed, Dec 29, 2010 at 5:27 PM
subject Who are the top 10 hot men in NYC? The return of Anal Sex and more celebrities who misbehave.

hide details 5:27 PM (21 hours ago)

WELCOME TO SCALLYWAG AND VAGABOND- an irreverent dossier on scandal, misbehavior, aesthetics, manners and intellect. Midweek newsletter.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/
Who are the top ten hot guys of NYC? – let’s find out… TOP TEN MALE HOTTIES OF NYC

Anal Sex. Why are more women trying it and liking it? ANAL SEX- R U DOING IT?

Have you ever had the worse dinner party? We just did…. FAUX PAS DINNER PARTIES

Which Hollywood celebrity blew off back to back family gatherings for Santa’s blow? – CELEBRITY PLEASURES

Isn’t it time you aspiring journalists came and interned with Scallywag?- BECOME A TRASH TABLOID WRITER TOO.

Prince William to do away with servants – ROYAL MANNERS

Cynthia Colston gets arrested for calling 911 after receiving a bad manicure  911

Did you give birth to a baby at an airport bathroom, strangle the baby and then flush them away- STRANGLING BABIES

and our favorite – SAVAGE PREDATOR: scandal, faux pas and gossip
ENJOY THE READ

LOVE

SCALLYWAG

To unsubscribe drop us a note.

And so I wrote back:

from Itinerant Daughter
to scoop scoop <scoop@scallywagandvagabond.com>

date Thu, Dec 30, 2010 at 12:51 PM
subject Re: Who are the top 10 hot men in NYC? The return of Anal Sex and more celebrities who misbehave.
mailed-bygmail.com

hide details 12:51 PM (2 hours ago)

1. I never signed up for this newsletter.
2. I wrote to tell you to take me off your mailing list and got no response and still receive the letters.
3. I marked it as SPAM and somehow you’re getting through my filter.

Please please remove me from your list!

See?  I told you this post would have no redeeming qualities.  I’m too pissed to be poetic.

TABS

December 22, 2010

My friend and I sometimes play the tabs game, meaning we list all the tabs open on our computers and try to see what they say about us.  Here is her list today:
1. http://www.housingistreatment.org/home
2. http://www.aidsnet.org/newmain/mainpages/executive.html
3. gmail
4. ugandan newspaper article about how there’s no water in a healthcenter because they havent paid thebill
5. another ugandan newspaper article about how a presidential candidate promised to sell the presidential jet to develop the country (http://www.monitor.co.ug/News/National/-/688334/1076680/-/cjwu01z/-/)
6. Off The Rails: The Year In Fox News Misinformation (http://mediamatters.org/research/201012210005)
7. NPR- Download The Best New Music Of 2010- http://www.npr.org/2010/12/21/131333323/download-the-best-new-music-of-2010?sc=nl&cc=mn-20101221
8. Effects of Dermal Exposure to Nicotiana tabacum (Jean Nicot, 1560) Leaves in Mouse Evaluated by Multiple Methods and Tissues (http://pubs.acs.org/doi/pdf/10.1021/jf101477z)
9. LET IT DOUGH http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/16/let-it-dough/#preview
10. MY GOOGLE READER BLOGS
11. http://blogs.worldbank.org/africacan/qe2-and-africa
12. http://dcfar.med.miami.edu/x84.xml (BIO AND contact info from this AIDS researcher at University of Miami)
13. Hell on Earth – Systematic Rape in Eastern Congo from the journal of humanitarian assistance
14. play RB wants to see on the 27th but so expensive! http://www.bloodybloodyandrewjackson.com/theater-info.html
15. other option for a play http://www.daisyonbroadway.com/?gclid=COGgyIC2_KUCFUpJ2godyT5lXg
16. tickets– so expensive http://boxoffice.broadway.com/boxoffice/pohinv2.aspx?oi=20373153&ox=9406D74F-8187-4403-843C-3111FF16CC4E
17. other ticket seller- also ridiculous and doesnt have plays i want – http://www.theatermania.com/broadway/discount-tickets/ will close this tab now, thank heavens for this exercise
18. http://www.teamsportswear.com/personalized/basketball/jerseys/mens/category.php — idea for an aids activism activity- people want to make jerseys that say “team obama” and make signs that say, obama dropped the ball on aids…
19. nytimes, front page
20. google news search on terrorist attack in nairobi
21. http://www.med.upenn.edu/apps/faculty/index.php/g275/p34383- profile for lady i talked to on phone this AM who i might work for in nairobi
22. http://ros-lehtinen.house.gov/SinglePages/SinglePage.aspx?NewsID=578- i want to get a white house tour!
23. http://wassermanschultz.house.gov/AppropsFY11.shtml – wanted to see if my congress woman had the same white house tour thing as the other lady bc i technically dont live in her district and dont want her to deny my request for a white house tour on those grounds!
24. google search – linda bales
25. google search – alexander mcqueen (couldnt remember his first name)
26. sparklehorse- couldnt remember his name — for your genius suicide column thing
27. wikipedia– list of suicides (curiosity!)
28. wachovia- how much money do i have?
29. google search – marianne williamson- this lady paul just went to see
30. google search- did inventor of atomic bomb commit suicide
+ 4 tabs on nicotine induced skin damage (for my mom)
+ chromeo — i could be wrong on stereogum
+ facebook

Her tabs indicate that she is extremely socially conscious.  Mine, right now, are this blog, obvi, and my Gmail, which do not indicate such a thing.  Also I’m having posting deja vu… have I done this before?

Mid-Day Lull

December 15, 2010

Today is boring. This tat is nice.

Nineties Bands You’ve Never Heard Of

December 15, 2010

I have picked up a tiny gig transcribing interviews about the nineties music scene, namely garage, ska, surf, swing and “mod” rock.  Below is a list of bands cited in the interviews.  I’ll give you a metaphysical xmas gift if you’ve heard of any of them:

The Insomniacs

The Toasters

The New York Citizens

The Creatures of the Golden Dawn

The Nomads

The Lord High Fixtures

The Cellar Dwellers

The Omega Men

Tell Tale Hearts

The Misanthropes

The Mount McKinleys

The Space Cossacks

The Cave Four

——-

Follow up: which of those is the BEST band name?  I know my vote…